Stronger Marriage Connection
It's often said that marriage takes work. The Stronger Marriage Connection podcast wants to help because a happy marriage is worth the effort. USU Family Life Professor Dr. Dave Schramm and Clinical Psychologist Dr. Liz Hale talk with experts about the principles and practices that will enhance your commitment, compassion, and emotional connection.
More than ever before, marriages face obstacles, from the busyness of work and daily hassles to disagreements and digital distractions. It's no wonder couples sometimes drift apart, growing resentful, lonely, and isolated.
The Utah Marriage Commission invites you to listen and discover new ways to strengthen and protect your marriage connection today!
Episodes
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Dealing With Changes & Transitions in Marriage & Relationships | Laura Parry | #62
Laura Parry joins Dr. Dave Schramm to discuss tips that help couples to transition to
parenthood. Laura shares her insight and experience on how partners can support each other
during this stressful time.About Laura Parry
Laura holds a Master's of Social Work from the University of Utah, and in 2019 became certified in perinatal mental health. In addition to helping clients through the perinatal period, she enjoys working with those experiencing faith transitions. She earned a clinical yoga certification in 2021 and loves using the healing power of yoga, nature and therapy for clients and for herself. She lives in Lehi with her husband, three kids, two cats, and one dog and loves reading, hiking and playing the piano.
Insights
- “I would want people to know that your relationship can not just survive, but you can thrive even if there's been a change and relationship and faith in religion.” - Laura Parry
- “I also want women to know that this is a vulnerable time for them, it can be a hard time,
obviously, it comes with a lot of excitement and joy to hopefully, but that they're allowed to feel the whole range of emotions that come with a transition as big as having a baby.” -Laura Parry
Invites
- Check out the resources at rootsbranceswellness.com
- If you’re preparing to have a baby, sit down with your partner to talk about the SHRIMP
acronym and talk about your expectations for when the baby arrives. - Learn more about understanding faith transitions by talking with someone who has gone or is going through one.
Laura's Links
https://www.rootsbrancheswellness.com
Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:
StrongerMarriage.org
podcast.strongermarriage.org
Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelifeDr. Dave Schramm:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU
Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579
Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642
Dr. Liz Hale:
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Remarriage: Balancing A Blended Family and Sharing A Business | Kevin & Tracey Parr | #61
Kevin and Racy Parr joining Dr. Dave Schramm and Dr. Liz Hale to talk about their
experience in a blended family and 28 years of marriage.About Kevin & Tracey Parr
Kevin and Tracy Parr have been married for 28 years and run a business together in St. George,
UT. They have 3 kids together with two that struggle with mental health illnesses. They have
years of experience working through differences and the difficulties of re-marriage. Kevin and
Tracy have been nicknamed “velcro” because of the way they enjoy doing everything together.Insights
- “Every now and then we just had to figure that it was okay to completely, totally disagree about something, and table it for a while.” - Kevin Parr 25:57-26:22
- “I feel that you need to stay connected with your spouse and in all the things that you do.” - Tracy Parr 31:43-32:02
- “One of the authors we had on recently, Ted Lowe would say this favorite phrase, which I really coined is "I would feel the same way if I were you." Which is probably true, right?” - Dr. Liz Hale 38:33-38:55
Invites
- Find a new resource; a book, podcast or instagram page that will help you to learn more about what you and your spouse are wanting to work on.
- In parenting, remember to not take your child’s feeling of sadness or anger as personal attacks against you.
Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:
StrongerMarriage.org
podcast.strongermarriage.org
Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelifeDr. Dave Schramm:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU
Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579
Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642
Dr. Liz Hale:
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Managing Money in Marriage | Ryan Law #2 | #60
Ryan Law joins Dr. Dave Schramm and Dr. Liz Hale to discuss managing money within
strong marriages. He talks about the importance of assuming the best and the 5 Money Habits
to financial success.About Ryan Law:
Ryan Law is the Director of the Utah Valley University (UVU) Money Success Center. He is an
award-winning educator who teaches the Financial Counseling courses as part of the Personal
Financial Planning program at UVU. Ryan is a Certified Financial Planner™ professional (CFP®)
and an Accredited Financial Counselor (AFC®). Ryan is the author of the books, “Student Loan
Planning,” “Make Positive Changes” and co-editor of the book “Financial Counseling.” Ryan and his wife, Traci, have been married for 24 years and they live in Utah county with their 5 children.Insights:
- “I would encourage couples to do two things. First, to not assume bad intent on your spouse's part. And second, to wait until you have all of the facts.” - Ryan Law
- “Those who give and find a way to give in a way that they both agree to are healthier, happier, and even richer.” -Dr. Liz Hale
- “Nobody wins really, as soon as it erupts and it becomes emotional when you get defensive and name calling everything you had just doesn't just does not go well” -Dr. Dave Schramm
Invites:
- Think of an experience when you had wrong assumptions about the way that they spent
money and think about what you could do differently next time to assume the best. - Join Ryan Law’s email list to learn about more tips that will help you to master the money side of your marriage
Ryan’s Links:
Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:
StrongerMarriage.org
podcast.strongermarriage.org
Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelifeDr. Dave Schramm:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU
Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579
Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642
Dr. Liz Hale:
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Breaking Free Together: Overcoming Addiction in Marriage | Kris & Adrian | #59
Kris and Adrian Maiava join Dr. Dave Schramm and Dr. Liz Hale to talk about their
experience in meeting with Dr. Liz Hale. They talk about their experience in coming together
through therapy and overcoming addiction.About Kris and Adrian Maiava:
Kris and Adrian met in Utah although they grew up in Hawaii and Australia. They share an
incredible story of working through struggles and addictions, separations and learning to love
and trust again. After three years in an intensive treatment program, Kris learned things about
himself and his marriage that changed his life. And Adrian learned patience and experienced
tremendous growth as she hung on to hope and learned to forgive. Together they have grown
stronger than ever and enjoy parenting their 5 year old daughter Lola.Insights:
- “I guess some questions to ask yourselves as to you know, do you still want to be partners with them, with your significant other? Do you still want to do this with them? If so, if yes. And if they want to as well, then I think it's worth it.” - Kris Maiava
- “Better choices lead to better chances.” -Dave Schramm
- “But there was a point in your life where you decided, this is the person that I want to do life
with. So that should be the person that you offer the most grace to.” -Adrian Maiava
Invites:
- If you are struggling with addiction, seek outside help.
- Have a 10 minute discussion with your partner about something that is challenging your
relationship and find a way to overcome it together
Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:
StrongerMarriage.org
podcast.strongermarriage.org
Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelifeDr. Dave Schramm:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU
Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579
Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642
Dr. Liz Hale:
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Parenting With Purpose: Family Life Coaching for a Brighter Future | Dr. Kim Allen | #58
Dr. Kim Allen joins Dr. Dave Schramm and Dr. Liz Hale to talk about Family Life Coaching.
She talks about what it is, what it isn't, and even a few examples and stories of clients she's
worked with.About Kim Allen:
Dr. Kimberly Allen is Interim Associate Dean and Director of Academic Programs and Professor in the College of Agriculture and Life Sciences at North Carolina State University, as well as CO creator of the family life coaching Association, and co-owner of Sweet Gestalt LLC. Dr. Ellen has over 20 years experience working with youth and their families. Her research interests include family life coaching, student success, parenting and relationship Education. Dr. Ellen is author of the book “Theory, Research and Practical Guidelines for Family Life Coaching.”
Insights:
“So really at its core family life coaching is taking what we know in Family Science about what's good in couple relationships, what's good and family relationships and partnering that with the process from coaching psychology.” - Dr. Kimberly Allen
“You said the words listening for instead of listening to. You listen for feelings, you're listening
for strengths, and just trying to see things from their perspective” - Dr. Dave SchrammInvites:
- Learn more about Family Life Coaching on the FLC Association’s website.
- Consider reaching out to a Family Life Coach to help you to improve your interpersonal
relationships.
Kim Allen’s Links:
Organization Website: flcassociation.org
Personal Website: drkimallen.comVisit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:
StrongerMarriage.org
podcast.strongermarriage.org
Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelifeDr. Dave Schramm:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU
Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579
Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642
Dr. Liz Hale:
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Preparing For Parenthood: Starting a Family | Beth Goss | #57
Beth Goss joins Dr. Dave Schramm and Dr. Liz Hale to talk about tips for bringing a
baby home. She discusses the principles taught in Gottman’s “Bringing Baby Home” program.About Beth Goss
Beth Goss is a certified Gottman, educator and a training specialist for the bringing baby home program. She is also a full time faculty member at North Seattle College, where she teaches aparent education and child development classes to families raising children from birth to five years. Additionally, she was previously employed by Swedish Medical Center to teach childbirth, postpartum and sibling classes. She has authored several articles and has been interviewed for several podcasts discussing the transition to parenthood. Beth is originally from Queens, New York, but has called Seattle home for 31 years. She lives there with her husband and loves it when her adult kids visit
Insights:
- “The key for us was what we call the three T's watching our temper, tongue, and tone.” - Dave Schramm
- “That's not why you got married, you know, you got married because you love each other and your best friends and you have fun together.” - Beth Goss
- “I think a big piece of advice is don't wait to be asked. Don't wait for your partner to say, could you do X?” - Beth Goss
Invites:
- Download the Gottman App to find the questions relating to the “Bringing Baby Home”
program. - Enroll in the “Bringing Baby Home” training based on researched tips on how to prepare for starting a family.
- Learn about tips that will help you to connect with your partner more on Gottman’s “SmallThings Often” podcast.
Beth Goss’s Links:
Gottman Website: https://www.gottman.com/
Personal Website: https://www.bethgoss.com/Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:
StrongerMarriage.org
podcast.strongermarriage.org
Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelifeDr. Dave Schramm:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU
Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579
Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642
Dr. Liz Hale:
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Second Chances: Saving a Second Marriage From Divorce | #56
Mike and Heidi Condie join Dr. Dave Schramm and Dr. Liz Hale to talk about their experience from almost separating to having a strong healthy marriage. Mike and Heidi vouch that if they can get through the challenges that they have worked through, then anyone can.
About Michael and Heidi Condie: Mike and Heidi are a couple from Liz's private practice who were on the brink of divorce. They were suffocating from stress and challenges related to their remarriage and stepfamily and were spiraling downward in negative communication patterns. Together with Liz's guidance, they put in the work starting with themselves and then continued to fight for their marriage instead of against each other. Their journey has been truly inspiring.
Insights: “You know me and you still love me? I don't think it gets any better than that” - Dr. Liz Hale “And she said, but what I can tell you is, whatever skills or things you don't learn how to resolve in this marriage. I promise you, you will have the same issues in the next relationship.” -Heidi Condie “And I think even before the work is humility, being open and recognizing that I need to work.” -Dr. Dave Schramm “And it was the love for each other that we had for each other, that was the most important.” -Mike Condie
Invites: - Rate the strength of your relationship this week on a scale of 1 to 10, then ask your partner what you can do to show up a little bit better for them. - Create a gratitude book where you and your partner can randomly list things that you are grateful for about your partner. Place the book in a central location in your home.
Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:
StrongerMarriage.org
podcast.strongermarriage.org
Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelife
Dr. Dave Schramm:
https://drdaveschramm.com https://drdavespeaks.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU
Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579
Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642
Dr. Liz Hale:
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How To Change Your Marriage Mindset | Ted Lowe | #55
Today Ted Lowe joins Dr. Dave Schramm and Dr. Liz Hale to discuss how to change your
marriage mindset in order to change your relationship. Ted believes that you can change your
marriage by first changing your thoughts.About Ted Law:
Ted Lowe Ted Lowe is on staff with Family First, where he serves as a speaker, writer, resource
creator, and podcast host. He is also the founder of For Us Marriage.com. He is the author of
several incredible books, including his most recent release, Us in Mind: How Changing Your
Thoughts Can Change Your Marriage. Ted lives with his wife, Nancie, and their 4 children in
Cumming, GA.Insights:
“Don’t let anybody celebrate your spouse more than you.” - Ted Lowe
"If we think something, then we're going to look for ways to confirm it." -Dr. Dave Schramm
“What I think about myself radically determines how my spouse experiences me at any given
moment.” -Dr. Liz HaleInvites:
- Learn more about a growth mindset and have a 10 minute discussion with your partner about how it could help you in your marriage.
- Think of one hobby that your partner gets excited about and then come up with something you could do to get excited with themTed Lowe’s Links:
Forusmarriage.com
Facebook: For Us Marriage
Instagram: @forusmarriage
Book: https://a.co/d/iMqdiZj
Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:
StrongerMarriage.orgFacebook: https://www.facebook.com/strongermarriage
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/strongermarriagelife/
Dr. Dave Schramm:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU
Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579
Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642
Dr. Liz Hale:
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Finding Financial Harmony in Marriage | Ryan Law | #54
Ryan Law joins Dr. Dave Schramm and Dr. Liz Hale to discuss how partners can have a
healthy money relationship. Ryan talks about the importance of regular financial planning
meetings and understanding your partner’s attitudes, beliefs and experiences with money.About Ryan Law:
Ryan Law is the Director of the Utah Valley University (UVU) Money Success Center. He is an
award-winning educator who teaches the Financial Counseling courses as part of the Personal
Financial Planning program at UVU. Ryan is a Certified Financial Planner™ professional (CFP®)
and an Accredited Financial Counselor (AFC®). Ryan is the author of the books, “Student Loan
Planning,” “Make Positive Changes” and co-editor of the book “Financial Counseling.” Ryan and his wife, Traci, have been married for 24 years and they live in Utah county with their 5 children.Insights:
- “People will do things for reasons that make sense to them.” - Dave Schramm
- "Today is the right day to start having financial conversations." -Ryan Law
- "And it doesn't mean that one is right and one is wrong" - Liz HaleInvites:
- Sign up for Ryan Law’s email list.
- Schedule a monthly financial planning meeting with your partner to discuss what you
spent last month and make some guidelines for the next month!
- Make a separate savings account for a specific fun financial goal! Ex. Disneyland trip,
backyard upgrade etc.Ryan’s Links:
Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:
podcast.strongermarriage.org
Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelife
Dr. Dave Schramm:Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU
Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579
Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642
Dr. Liz Hale:
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How To Make Love Last | Kyle Benson | #53
On today’s episode, the well known author, Kyle Benson joins Dr. Dave and Dr. Liz to
discuss the simple principles that make marriage last. Kyle discusses the profound effectiveness of Emotion Focused Therapy in the stabilization of relationships. In addition, he recognizes the benefits of using the research by John and Julie Gottman to maintain a healthy relationship.Timestamps:
0:00 – Introduction: Who is Kyle Benson?
3:00 - Combination of Gottman Method and Emotional Based Therapy
8:36 – What is the longing for attachment?
10:15 –Am I enough? Am I worthy of love and care?
12:50 – Attachment Strategies/Styles
16:03 – Emotion Focused Therapy
20:15 – Conflict is fire
22:43 – One sided partner effort
26:10 – What is the key to a stronger marriage connection?
27:25 – Kyle’s resources
28:40 – TakeawaysAbout Kyle Benson:
Kyle studies how partners in healthy relationships intentionally –talk to each other, have passionate sex, stay emotionally connected, and more – to uncover the tools and perspectives that make love last. His work has been featured in dozens of major media channels including The Gottman Institute, Business Insider, U.S. News, The Chicago Tribune, Huffington Post, and more.
Insights:
Liz: The healthy “We” starts with a healthy “Me.”
Kyle: Underneath every criticism is a longing for attachment.
Dave: It is not necessarily a poor partner but a poor pattern.Invites:
- Join Kyle Benson’s email list to get free and easily acceptable tips to make marriage last.
- Take 10 minutes to write down how you are going to change the unwanted patterns in your relationship.Kyles’s Links:
FB @Kyle Benson: https://www.facebook.com/kylebenson.net
Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:
Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelife
TikTok: @strongermarriagelife
Dr. Dave Schramm:Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU
Facebook Marriage Group:https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579
Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drdaveschramm/
Dr. Liz Hale:
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The Magic of Matchmaking | Aleeza Ben Shalom | #52
On today's episode, the Netflix hit Aleeza Ben Shalom, from “Jewish Matchmaking”
joins Dr. Dave and Dr. Liz to discuss the magic of matchmaking. Discover what matchmaking is, if it is for you, and how you can build a better marriage based on lessons Aleeza uses during matchmaking. We hope you enjoy!Timestamps:
0:00 – Introduction: Who is Aleeza Ben Shalom?
7:12 – Tools for matchmaking with your soul mate.
9:03 – What makes the best match?: Soul mate potential baseline.
13:50 – Is there something better out there?
16:00 – Stories of making the match.
18:14 – Handling challenges with your partner.
19:05 – Aleeza’s marital success stories.
21:57 – Benefits of hiring a matchmaker.
23:45 – "Mystery in your history”
24:50 – Where can I learn about matchmaking?
27: 15 – What is the key to a stronger marriage connection?
29:00 – Aleeza’s resources
29: 30 – TakeawaysAbout Aleeza Ben Shalom:
Aleeza Ben Shalom is a renowned matchmaker, dating coach, author, sought-after speaker, and soulmate clarity expert who empowers marriage-minded singles to find and identify the one. She guides them from uncertainty and overwhelm to the clarity needed for confident decision-making regarding their potential life partners. Aleeza is the featured Matchmaker on Season 1 of the new Netflix series Jewish Matchmaking. Aleeza authored two insightful books, Get real, Get Married-a guide to get over your hurdles and under the chuppah, and Virtual Dating, your guide to relationships in a socially distanced world. As the founder of Marriage Minded Mentor, a company who focuses on helping singles get married, she connects singles globally with skilled matchmakers and dating coaches.
Aleeza’s impressive track record has earned her the title of “Jewish Dating Guru,” as she has successfully led over 200 singles through the steps to engagement, regardless of age, affiliation, or life stage.
For over 15 years, Aleeza has worked with men and women worldwide to break unhealthy patterns and foster relationships that lead to marriage. During this time, she has trained more than 350 dating coaches and matchmakers worldwide.
She now lives in Israel with her husband, five children and a lovable dog!Insights:
Dave: There are many factors that make us a good match with the people around us.
Liz: Have hope that there IS a person out there for you!
Aleeza: World peace begins at home. Do your best to love yourself and build a family.
Invites:
- Listen to the matchmaker, matchmaker podcast and find a topic that you love, have a discussion with your partner.
- Write down what your values, beliefs, attractions, bothers and fears are. Reflect on how these could affect your future dating and marriage experiences.
Aleeza’s Links:
IG @Aleezabenshalom
Fb /aleezabenshalom
Linkedin/aleezabenshalom
Twitter/aleezabenshalom
Tiktok/aleezabenshalomThe Matchmaker Matchmaker Podcast
Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:
Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelife
TikTok: @strongermarriagelife
Dr. Dave Schramm:Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU
Facebook Marriage Group:https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579
Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drdaveschramm/
Dr. Liz Hale:
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Beating The Odds in Marriage | Dr. Lee Baucom | #51
On today's episode, Dr. Lee Baucom joins us, and we have a great discussion about
intentionality and actively creating a stronger marriage connection both physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Join Dr. Dave and Dr. Liz in this journey on strengthening marriage connection, relationships, and personal values.Timestamps:
0:00 – Introduction: Who is Lee Baucom
2:30 – Number one concern for new couples
5:12 – Shifts you need to make in the first year of marriage
9:08 – Pause button marriage
12:52 – Difference in how you communicate vs communication skills
14:25 – The arc of disconnection
16:14 – Three levels of connection
18:58 – Intentionality is important
22:14 – What can you do to reconnect?
25:51 – Difference between marriage fail point and individual fail point
28:30 – Husbands bootcamp
31:36 – There is intentionality behind everything
35:28 – Key component to a stronger marriage connection
38:06 – Resources
39:07 – TakeawaysAbout Lee Baucom:
Dr. Lee Baucom is internationally known for his methods and approaches to saving marriages. For three decades, Lee has been helping people around the world save, restore, and create the marriage they deserve and desire. He's the author of the book, “How to save your marriage in three simple steps”, in addition to six other books, and he's the creator of the highly effective internet Marriage program. Save the marriage. Lee is also the host of two popular podcast Thrive nation and save the marriage.
Insights:
Dave: Lack of attention leads to loss of connection. Physical, emotional, and spiritual
connection all have an impact on your partner, what will you do to strengthen those areas?Liz: The key of the “We” and having each other’s backs, we all want someone to get us and know us. You are in this together.
Lee: Remember the pause button, did you hit pause and what is it going to take to un-pause it. Get more intentional about connecting from a physical, spiritual, and emotional level. Take action.
Invites:
- Shift from “you and me” to “we”. Remember that you are a team, and it is important to acknowledge those struggles as a team.
- Mature relationships are not without the feelings of romance and passion but include communications and connection
- Husband bootcamp is a video bootcamp structured over 30 days to get into shape and address the wounds that men carry around with them that can get in the way of
relationshipsLee Baucom links:
https://savethemarriage.com/
https://savethemarriage.com/podcast
https://savethemarriage.com/booksVisit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:
Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelife
TikTok: @strongermarriagelife
Dr. Dave Schramm:Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU
Facebook Marriage Group:https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579
Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drdaveschramm/
Dr. Liz Hale:
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Money Struggles & Financial Planning | Amanda Christensen | #50
Today’s episode of the Stronger Marriage Connection dives into Amanda
Christensen’s personal money mission to help couples learn how to manage their finances and build their connection.Timestamps:
0:00 – Introduction: Who is Amanda Christensen?
2:28 – Why is money such a hard topic to discuss in marriage?
5:03 – Dave’s experience: managing a tight budget as college students.
6:02 – Liz’s experience: managing money when you are developing financial independence prior to marriage.
7:05 – Money autonomy and money wins.
10:00 – Learn your money personality.
11:26 – What does the research say about how couples manage finances?
One spouse handling main finances, trust, communication, chose what kind of account
management works for you, discovering how to communicate about money without
argument, little or no debt and living within your means.
22:40 – Personal finance is personal!
23:50 – Amanda’s money management tip #1: Have a money plan
25:18 – Amanda’s money management tip #2: Develop financial trust
26:16 – Amanda’s money management tip #3: Talk about large purchases
26:58 – Amanda’s money management tip #4: Talk about debt
28:14 – Amanda’s money management tip #5: What does it mean to live within your means?
30:45 – Amanda’s money management tip #6: Work together during challenge
34:35 – Understanding your own and your spouse’s money script
37:18 – Resources to find out more about Amanda’s work
38:36 – TakeawaysAbout Amanda Christensen:
Amanda H. Christensen is an Extension Professor and Accredited Financial Counselor
responsible for statewide personal finance education through USU Extension. She’s editor of the Utah Money Moms blog. She and her team are the recipients of two consecutive Best of State awards for efforts to improve financial wellness across the state. You can view their live webinar schedule or request a free class for your group at finance.usu.edu/efw. On a Sunday afternoon you’ll find Amanda sipping a Diet Coke with lime at the kitchen table over a 1000 piece puzzle listening to an audio book.Insights:
Dave: Developing trust and communication around money builds connection and allows you to
be on the same page.Liz: The key to a couple’s financial success is about doing what is best for them.
Amanda: Even couples in great marriages disagree about money, and that’s okay!
Invites:
• Take the online “money personality assessment” at www.powerpay.org and use the
code “FWFREETANF” for a free e-course and personality assessment. Discuss your
results with your partner.
• A money plan with your partner for the next month. See where you are living
within your means and may be living outside of your means.
• Discover what your money script is by asking yourself the questions Amanda outlines in the podcast. Now, discover what your spouse’s money script is.Amanda Christensen Links:
PowerPay Money Master Online Course Link: www.powerpay.org
Code for listeners to register for free: “FWFREETANF”
Financial Management Practices of Couples in Great Marriages Research
article: https://www.proquest.com/openview/7e860331b30e51876bb6df092364c6b9/1?pq-origsite=gscholar&cbl=37909Happiness and income research update:
https://penntoday.upenn.edu/news/does-more-money-correlate-greater-happiness-Penn-Princeton-research
The gender gap and retirement: https://www.fidelity.com/learning-center/personal-finance/gender-gap-retirement
@utahmoney moms
Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:
Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelife
TikTok: @strongermarriagelife
Dr. Dave Schramm:Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU
Facebook Marriage Group:https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579
Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drdaveschramm/
Dr. Liz Hale:
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Relationship Repair: More Than Fighting Fair | Laura Silverstein | #49
On Today’s episode of the Stronger Marriage Connection, we dive deep into disagreements with our guest, Laura Silverstein, who is a certified Gottman couples therapist. Discover with Dave and Liz all kinds of tips to help couples manage differences in their marriage shared by Laura.
Timestamps:
0:00 – Introduction: Who is Laura Silverstein
1:47 – Conflict is not a bad thing in marriage
4:00 – The number one communication problem in couple relationships
6:21 – Two parts to establishing new habits
11:11 – Four horsemen – John Gottman
14:55 – What to do when both partners continue to be critical
18:27 – How to repair damages within a partnership
23:50 – Ownership, humility and kindness
27:05 – A little about Laura’s book workbook
29:07 – Key to a stronger marriage connection
31:35 – Takeaway’sAbout Laura Silverstein:
Laura Silverstein is Certified Gottman Couples therapist as well as a recognized thought leader in the field of relationship wellness, sought out for her expert advice from media outlets such as, the New York Times and the today's show. In her book, Love is an action verb, Laura helps couples focus on their strengths instead of their problems and guides them with small step by step action plans.
Insights:
Dave: It takes humility, compassion, understanding and awareness when rebuilding something that has fallen. Take the time to slow things down and really look at things from a wider perspective
Liz: Take ownership, be humble and stay kind when working through a repair in couple relationships
Laura: It is important to have humility and stay humble when we enter loving relationships, no matter the challenges at hand
Invites:
• Take ownership, have humility and be kind. Those are key things to effectively repair a relationships
• When things start to escalate, it is good to ask for a break – take a time out and revisit later
• Two parts to learn – learning how to avoid conflict in the first place, if possible, and understanding how to get out of it once you are stuck
Laura Silverstein Links:
Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:
Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelife
TikTok: @strongermarriagelife
Dr. Dave Schramm:Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU
Facebook Marriage Group:https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579
Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drdaveschramm/
Dr. Liz Hale:
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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The 7 Primal Questions | Mike Foster | #48
On today’s episode of the Stronger Marriage Connection, learn about the 7 primal
questions that all humans are seeking to answer if their lives, careers and especially their relationships. Discover with Dave, Liz and Mike how to remedy these questions and understand their answers and how that works in your life.Timestamps:
0:00 – Introduction: Who is Mike Foster?
2:02 – What is the primal question model?
5:17 – The 7 Primal Questions
9:09 – How does understanding these questions apply to marriage?
13:38 – Satellite questions
15:14 – How does the primal question model apply to parenting?
18:12 – Understanding the importance of seeking emotional intelligence
20:19 – Safeguarding the scramble
22:48 – How does answering the primal question affect communication?
27:26 – The 7 Primal Questions assessment
30:24 – What is the most common primal question?
31:45 – Key to a stronger marriage connection
32:37 – Where to find more resources
34:16 – TakeawaysAbout Mike Foster:
Known as the Mr. Rogers of personal development, Mike Foster is a best-selling author,
speaker, and executive coach empowering people to build strong lives and relationships.
His new book “The Seven Primal Questions” is a revolutionary new way to understand our emotional needs. Based on over four years of research and 6,000 hours of one-on-one interviews, the Primal Question model will transform your relationship with yourself and others. Mike’s work has been featured on Good Morning America, FOX News and the New York Times. He lives in San Diego with his wife Jennifer and their fluffy dog.Insights:
Mike: Awareness needs to be moved into action.
Dave: Be aware of ACE’s and see how we can provide ourselves and other safety, connection and security.
Liz: Behavior adaptation makes a difference in how we act today.
Invites:
• Ask your spouse how you can answer their primal question with a “yes.”
• Sit down with yourself or your spouse and discover which of the 7 primal
questions you need to be answered. Share this with your partner and write it down
in a journal or safe space where you can review it often.
• Seek to understand what your child’s primal question is by talking with your
spouse and child about what they need from you as a parent.
• Take the assessment @ mikefoster.tvMike Foster Links:
https://www.instagram.com/mikefoster2000/
Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:
Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelife
TikTok: @strongermarriagelife
Dr. Dave Schramm:Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU
Facebook Marriage Group:https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579
Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drdaveschramm/
Dr. Liz Hale:
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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How To Escape The Dating Game | Julie Balkman | #47
On today’s episode of the stronger marriage connection, Dr. Dave and Dr. Liz sit
down with life coach Julie Balkman and discuss the dating game when it comes to relationships and how to get out of the game and develop healthy happy relationships without the runaround.Timestamps:
0:00 – Introduction: Who is Julie Balkman?
2:01 – Getting into coaching
5:47 – Thinking that gets us stuck
7:28 – Playing the dating game can be confusing
8:30 – Being in a “situationship”
9:28 – CCQ: Clear, Concise, Quick
14:04 – Largest obstacles for dating today
17:36 – Good tips on connecting in dating
18:33 – Two things to look for in a partner
21:22 – Some practical tips and tools
23:22 – Decision making success system
25:27 – Dating Interview Project
28:42 – Key to a stronger marriage connection
30:05 – Where to find more resources
31:50 – TakeawaysAbout Julie Balkman:
Julie Balkman was trained and mentored by 3 life coaching programs which resulted in
eight years and thousands of hours in coaching experience. She is an expert panelist
for the LDS dating app “Mutual” and is currently writing a book about LDS dating. She
was a former co-host of a three-year international young adult support group and is the
owner/operator of the 100 interviews project, a project involving 120 young adults
interviewed about dating. She is an artist and illustrator and loves to dance!Insights:
Julie: Be responsible: being responsible is sexy, romantic, confident, peaceful, and loving. When you are responsible you create a better life for yourself and your significant other.
Dave: It is critical to have a willingness to learn. It is ok to accept different things and want tolearn and change, especially within a relationship.
Liz: I love the idea of CCQ, clear concise and quick
Invites:
• Invite me to share my Dating Map Presentation as a guest speaker. I love speaking and teaching to any size audience.
• I have 1:1 coaching packages, plus a VIP acceleration package, which I would love to tell about. VIP: 6 weeks, 6 days a week, 20 minutes each day.
• Start with love, learn how to be a receiver of love so you can be ready for a real
relationship.Julie Balkman Links:
https://www.google.com/search?client=safari&rls=en&q=julie+balkman&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8
https://www.instagram.com/lifecoach.julie/?hl=en
https://www.linkedin.com/in/julie-balkman-0898031a5/
Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:
Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelife
TikTok: @strongermarriagelife
Dr. Dave Schramm:Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU
Facebook Marriage Group:https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579
Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drdaveschramm/
Dr. Liz Hale:
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Marriage & Money Matters | Dr. Ashley LeBaron-Black | #46
In this episode of the Stronger Marriage Connection podcast, Dr. Ashley LeBaron-
Black tackles the hard conversation “How do I manage money in marriage.” Join us to learn how conversations about money can connect you and your partner rather than pull you apart.Timestamps:
0:00 – Introduction: Who is Ashley Lebaron-Black?
1:48 – Is the issue really about money?
5:12 – Managing money habits: Family background
7:34 – Working together to manage money
8:45 – Family financial socialization
10:25 – Overcoming discomfort in talking about money
12:00 – Money management matters: Debt, materialism, financial deception, etc.
15: 35 – Joint bank accounts
18:08 – Financial therapy for marriage
19:30 – What makes a stronger marriage connection to Ashley
20:10 – Ashley’s tools and tips
24:50 – How do I bring up money while dating?
36:40 – TakeawaysAbout Dr. Ashley LeBaron-Black:
Dr. Ashley LeBaron-Black is an Assistant Professor of Family Life at Brigham Young University in Provo, Utah. She received her PhD in Family Studies and Human Development from the University of Arizona. Her research focus is family finance, including finances in couple relationships and financial socialization. Ashley has published over 50 peer-reviewed articles and is an Associate Editor for the Journal of Family and Economic Issues. She is Chair of the Family Financial Wellbeing focus group for the National Council on Family Relations (NCFR).
Insights:
Ashley: Don’t let your money control you and your marriage; you can control it
Dave: There is no right way to manage money in your marriage, but it is so important to
understand where your ideas of money management are coming from. Take some time to understand and communicate that with your partner.Liz: Talk about money with your partner, be honest.
Invites:
• Sit down with your partner this week and develop a monthly budget together.
• Talk to your spouse about how you want to manage your money together going
forward. Should we do a monthly meeting, get a joint bank account, etc.?
• Read a blog post from Ashley’s website to understand a part of money management you and your partner may not understand.Ashley Lebaron-Black's Links:
https://lebaron-black.byu.edu/
Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:
Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelife
TikTok: @strongermarriagelife
Dr. Dave Schramm:Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU
Facebook Marriage Group:https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579
Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drdaveschramm/
Dr. Liz Hale:
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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How To Help Friends & Family with Marriage Struggles | Dr. Bill Doherty | #45
On today’s episode of the stronger marriage connection, Dr. Dave and Dr. Liz sit
down with Dr. Bill Doherty, back from Season 1 due to popular demand, to share how we can all become marital first responders. A long time Marriage and Family Therapist, he is an expert on challenges couples face when navigating marital crisis.Timestamps:
0:00 – Introduction: Who is Bill Doherty?
2:29 – Where the idea of marital first responders comes from
4:42 – First important step in being a first responder.
6:32 – Other Do’s and Don’ts
9:45 – We can be an influence
12:16 – Common complaints from marriages
15:26 – Perspective skill technique example
19:16 – Learning to protect boundaries
21:36 – Unforced error
24:12 – You can be a friend to someone and their marriage
30:33 – What to say without adding negativity
31:14 – Where to get more resources from Bill
32:55 – TakeawaysAbout Bill Doherty:
Bill Doherty is a Professor in the Department of Family Social Science at the University
of Minnesota. A long-time marriage and family therapist, he is an expert on challenges
couples face in the modern world, on navigating marital crisis and avoiding divorce, and
on using family rituals to enhance the quality of family life. His books for the public
include The Intentional Family and Take Back Your Marriage. In recent years Bill has
taken this couples work to the national level via cofounding Braver Angels, an initiative
working to decrease the political polarization that is dividing the country. Among his awards is the Lifetime Achievement Award from the American Family Therapy
Academy.Insights:
Bill: Marriage is existing of social relationships and when people open up, it is a precious gift they are giving. It is good to be mindful and intentional in how we respond.
Dave: We can have empathy without agreeing with others perspectives, you can still show compassion and lend a helping hand even if we don’t necessarily agree with what they may be saying.
Liz: LEAP: Listen, empathy, affirm and positive perspective
Invites:
• Check out maritalfirstresponders.org and participate in some of the workshops available to you.
• When giving advice to friends it is important to be a good friend to that person but also their marriage, listen with empathy but don’t rush to give advice. Don’t jump to take a friend’s side without considering the whole picture.
• Use life experience when giving out advice, you may not be an expert but we all have experiences to take and learn from when helping others.
Bill Doherty Links:
https://thedohertyapproach.com/about/
Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:
Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelife
TikTok: @strongermarriagelife
Dr. Dave Schramm:Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU
Facebook Marriage Group:https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579
Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drdaveschramm/
Dr. Liz Hale:
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Saving A Marriage On The Brink of Divorce | Sam & Ember | #44
Sam and Ember were on the verge of divorce for several years. They were a couple that Dr. Liz Hale worked with in her private practice, and they are willing to no longer be private but go public and share how they miraculously turned their marriage around from miserable to incredible.
Timestamps:
0:00 – Introduction: Who are Sam and Ember?
2:35 – What is something you wish you would have known before getting married?
4:51 – Contributors to the breakdown of a marriage
9:00 – Sam’s background
11:56 – How can two people experience one marriage differently?
15:45 – Addressing ‘me’ to fix ‘we’
20:00 – Ember’s ah-ha moments toward change
26:01 – Sam’s ah-ha moments toward change
31:00 – Communication strategies
36:43 – The role of forgiveness in healing
41:08 – Strategies to maintain connection
43:14 – Advice for couples on the brink
46:16 – Honesty is a key for a stronger marriage connection. Seek what’s best for the marriage.Insights:
Sam: Get help. Some issues may be beyond what the two of you can do together. Be honest. You can decide what kind of spouse you want to be.
Ember: Deal with conflict before the weekend. Start your weekend with a clean slate.
Invites:
- Deal with conflict as soon as you can. If there is something bothering you, sit down and have a conversation about it with your partner when you both are in a clear headspace.
- Take some time today to evaluate yourself. Is there something you need to forgive yourself for?
- Give your partner a hug, a small peck on the cheek, or a squeeze of the hand today. Just a little physical affection can go a long way.
Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:
Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelife
TikTok: @strongermarriagelife
Dr. Dave Schramm:Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU
Facebook Marriage Group:https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579
Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drdaveschramm/
Dr. Liz Hale:
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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How To Overcome Roommate Syndrome | Nate Bagley | #43
Do you ever feel like your partner is more like a roommate than a spouse? This isn’t uncommon for couples to experience, and is actually a feature of marriage than a bug. Dr. Dave and Dr. Liz talk with Nate Bagley about “Roommate Syndrome” and discuss how being in this rut can act as a catalyst for growing up our marriage. As something that everyone in a relationship encounters, this podcast is a must-listen-to resource to create a stronger marriage connection!
Timestamps:
0:00 – Introduction: Who is Nate Bagley?
1:42 – Fear of a mediocre marriage
3:59 – Interviewing the most successful and happy couples
6:15 – What is “roommate syndrome”?
10:20 – How to get the spark back in your marriage
12:30 – How to get out of the roommate rut
18:01 – Roommate syndrome is a feature, not a bug
19:57 – Happiness is a byproduct of growth
22:20 – The Eisenhower Matrix
27:10 – What do we need to do to have a great marriage?
30:10 – Maximize enjoyment for both people
32:48 – Nate Bagley resources
33:32 – Nate’s takeaway: you have more control over your marriage than you think
35:33 – Liz’s takeaway: remember maximum joint enjoyment
36:06 – Dave’s takeaway: the pillars of friendship – I like you, I know you, I trust youAbout Nate Bagley:
Nate Bagley is a marriage researcher and educator whose mission is to rid the world of mediocre love. His passion is helping people DO the things that make their relationships extraordinary.
In 2012, Nate did a cross-country road trip where he interviewed the country’s most madly-in-love couples, and renowned relationship experts to discover the secrets of truly epic, lasting love.
Since then, he’s given a TEDx talk, and been published in Business Insider, Thrive Global, The Good Men Project, the Gottman Institute blog, and many other outlets. He always loves hearing from his readers and listeners, so please feel free to reach out to him at his website here.
Insights:
Nate: Happiness is a byproduct of growth and roommate syndrome is a byproduct, not a bug. Roommate syndrome gives you the opportunity to grow up.
Dave: Foster the 3 pillars of friendship: I like you, I know you, I trust you.
Liz: Remember to focus on maximum joint enjoyment.
Invites:
- If you feel like you and your partner have roommate syndrome, try doing something out of your comfort zone today (ask a personal question, address a topic that makes you anxious, etc.).
- It’s the little things that get you out of roommate syndrome. Try making your partner a meal they wouldn’t expect (like breakfast or lunch), or sending them a sweet text while they’re away (even if not for very long).
- Try to make your marriage enjoyable for everyone. Is there something you grew up doing that your partner doesn’t particularly enjoy? Talk about it with them. What could you do to make things more enjoyable for them?Nate Bagley Links:
- https://www.epicmarriageclub.com/awr/
Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:
Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelife
TikTok: @strongermarriagelife
Dr. Dave Schramm:Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU
Facebook Marriage Group:https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579
Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drdaveschramm/
Dr. Liz Hale:
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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A Better Approach for Dating & Marriage | Dr. John Van Epp | #42
On today’s episode, Dr. Dave and Dr. Liz talk with Dr. John Van Epp who brings to light some of the most important things we can do when selecting a life partner as well as how to strengthen those relationships over time. We learn some of the predictors of how long-term relationships will turn out as well as some principles to help navigate both red and green flags within our relationships.
Timestamps:
0:00 – Introduction: Who is John Van Epp?
2:42 – Life-partner selection process
11:58 – Predictors of getting to “know” and getting to “no”
13:33 – Media love vs True love
16:10 – Let heart and head work together
20:00 – Discerning our partner is a process
26:16 – 5 ways to notice green flags and red flags
31:30 – With definition comes implementation
34:02 – Attraction alone is not enough
35:04 – Key areas to address stressors and struggles in dating
40:43 – Being equally yoked strengthens connection
42:32 – Have a game plan for managing your relationship
44:26 – John’s relationship resources
47:10 – John’s takeaway: heart and head are meant to work together
48:38 – Liz’s takeaway: Partner selection process is key
49:04 – Dave’s takeaway: Trust and commitment grow over time, RAM is a great resourceAbout John Van Epp:
John Van Epp, PhD, President and Founder of Love Thinks, LLC is the author of How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk (or Jerkette) - top choice for singles by Christianity Today; Becoming Better Together: the RAM plan for growing together when life is pulling you apart; and Endgame: The Church’s Strategic Move to Save Faith
and Family in America.He has previous experience as
- a founding church pastor
- an adjunct seminary professor in marriage and family with extensive research in
premarital, marital, and family relations
- a clinical counselor for 25 years in his private counseling practice
- and for over 20 years, he has trained military personnel and contracted with the military as a subject matter expert (SME) in relationship health, psychology, religion, suicide, and resilience.For the past 25 years, he has developed relationship programs that have been taught by over 35,000 certified instructors to over one million participants.
He was awarded the Smart Marriage and the NARME Impact Awards, and has been featured in The Wall Street Journal, Time Magazine, Psychology Today, O Magazine; he has appeared on the CBS Early Show, Good Morning America, Fox News, and Focus on the Family.
Insights:
John: With definition comes implementation. Your heart and your head are meant to work together in making decisions.
Dave: Trust and commitment grow over time.
Liz: There is very little you can do to compensate after marriage for choosing poorly before marriage.
Invites:
- After your next date, self-reflect and ask yourself: “Was there something I could have said or done to make my partner feel more seen?”
- Take a dating class to better help discern what kind of person you are dating and if they are someone you want to be with long-term.
- When getting to know someone, ask about or observe one of these 5 subjects: family, conscience (belief system), compatibility potential (what kinds of things do you agree on?), track record (dating/relationship history), and/or their skill level of relationships.John Van Epp Links:
- https://www.mylovethinks.com/
- Dr. Morgan Cutlip Instagram
- https://ramseries.com/
- Healthy Relationships UtahVisit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:
Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelife
TikTok: @strongermarriagelife
Dr. Dave Schramm:Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU
Facebook Marriage Group:https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579
Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642
Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/drdaveschramm/
Dr. Liz Hale:
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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7 Basic Needs for Healthy Relationships| Dr. Matt Townsend |#40
Dave and Liz talk with Dr. Matt Townsend on the Stronger Marriage Connection podcast today about how we can foster our basic needs in our relationships. Dr. Matt shares seven principles that we can use to increase our marriage connections: Safety, Trust, Appreciation, Respect, Validation, Encouragement, and
Dedication. By adhering to each of these principles our needs as well as our partner’s needs can be met in healthy ways.Timestamps:
0:00 – Introduction: Who is Matt Townsend?
3:12 – What’s going on with marriages today?
4:50 – S.T.A.R.V.E.D: Safety
7:39 – T: Trust
9:02 – A: Appreciation
12:24 – R: Respect
14:20 – V: Validation
16:57 – E: Encouragement
20:33 – D: Dedication
23:00 – Matt’s keys for a stronger marriage connection
26:08 – Matt’s resources
27:40 – Matt’s takeaway: it’s not over ‘til it’s over and find the power in principles
29:49 – Liz’s takeaway: you have to be vulnerable to be known and loved
30:16 – Dave’s takeaway: To encourage is to truly see and understand another personAbout Matt Townsend:
Over the last few decades Matt has dedicated his life to the study of communication and interpersonal relationships. Matt worked as a lead presenter for the industry leader, Franklin Covey, for many years. About 20 years ago he founded the Townsend Relationship Center where he has been able to share his expertise on relationships, communication, anxiety and conflict resolution with thousands of clients ranging from individuals, married couples and parents, to large corporations such as CNN, Cox Communications, and Lockheed Martin.
Dr. Matt earned his bachelor’s and master’s degrees in Communication, a second master's degree in Human Development, and a doctoral degree (PhD) in Human Development. He is a weekly contributor to KSL TV’s show “Studio 5 with Brooke Walker”. Matt's book, Starved Stuff: The 7 Basic Needs of Healthy Relationships, is a popular pick among those searching for better relationship skills. He also has many online programs available on marriage, dealing with anxiety and parenting.
Matt is active in his church and community and enjoys swimming, playing tennis and spending time with his wife, Mardi of 32 years and his 6 children, 4 in-law children and 5 grandchildren.Insights:
Matt: Count the given good.
Dave: Notice and be aware of the good your partner does.
Liz: Barbie dolls must be as important as the little girl is in order to really make her feel that we are encouraging her.
Invites:
- Encourage your partner’s dreams and aspirations.
- If simply feeding your marriage is still not “filling you up”, get help so you don’t continue feeling starved.
- While you might not be able to find power in power, you can find power in principles. Find ways to foster the S.T.A.R.V.E.D. principles in your marriage.Matt Townsend Links:
Starved Stuff: Feeding the 7 Basic Needs of Healthy Relationships
Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:
Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelife
TikTok: @strongermarriagelife
Dr. Dave Schramm:Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU
Facebook Marriage Group:https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579
Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642
Dr. Liz Hale:
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Respond To Your Partners Needs Not Behaviors | Dr. Cole Ratcliffe | #39
On today’s podcast of Stronger Marriage Connection, Dave and Liz talk to Dr. Cole Ratcliffe about how we often get stuck in bad behaviors in our marriage relationships. Dr. Ratcliffe explains five steps that help eliminate bad behavior and provides some tips that might help increase connection in a sustainable way. Showing our partners we love them takes time and effort, but is incredibly worth it!
Timestamps:
0:00 – Introduction: Who is Cole Ratcliffe?
2:29 – Why are annoying and bad behaviors so common?
4:42 – “Helping” is not always helpful
7:10 – Why we get stuck in bad behavior
10:48 – Marriage is the great revealer of weaknesses
14:54 – There is no justification for bad behavior
17:15 – Take personal responsibility for our needs
19:25 – Recognize your partner’s needs
20:32 – 5 Steps to help eliminate bad behavior
25:10 – Simple things to do to improve connection
26:40 – How to say I love you in a personal way
28:44 – Patience is the 5th step
29:40 – Investment in unselfishness is the key for a stronger marriage connection
31:12 – Resources from Cole Ratcliffe
31:59 – Cole’s takeaway: taking time to understand gives us traction for meeting our partners emotions and
needs
32:39 – Liz’s takeaway: turn around the meaning of “but” in our apologies
33:11 – Dave’s takeaway: don’t react to the behavior, respond to the needAbout Cole Ratcliffe:
Cole Ratcliffe was raised in Springville, Utah, and completed a bachelor’s degree at BYU. He obtained a masters and doctoral degree in marriage and family therapy from Kansas State University. Currently, he teaches full-time at BYU-Idaho in Marriage and Family Studies and oversees their online program. He has
taught numerous courses in his career, such as human development, marriage, marriage prep, marriage skills, parenting, and relationship education. Dr. Ratcliffe maintains a small private clinical practice where he conducts individual, marriage, and family therapy, including discernment counseling. He has been married for 16 years to his wife Jenna and together they have 5 (almost 6) children. In his spare time, he enjoys spending time with his family, hiking, hunting, playing sports, and watching college football.Insights:
Cole: Take personal responsibility for having our needs met.
Dave: Don’t react to the behavior. See the unmet needs.
Liz: We need to turn around the meaning of “but” in our apologies.
Invites:
- Focus on the things you can control.
- Respond to the need underneath the behavior.
- Identify the things you need to stop doing. Apologize with the proper use of the word “but”.
- Find a few small and simple things to increase connection that are sustainable.
- Be patient with yourself and with others.
Cole Ratcliffe Links:
Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:
Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelife
TikTok: @strongermarriagelife
Dr. Dave Schramm:Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU
Facebook Marriage Group:https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579
Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642
Dr. Liz Hale:
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Brain Habits for Hacking Happiness | Dr. Alex Korb | #37
On today’s episode of the stronger marriage connection, Dr. Dave and Dr. Liz have a great conversation with Dr. Alex Korb talking about the little things we can do to create a stronger marriage connection. Happiness hacks start with us which then can translate into strengthening our relationships through understanding our own and other’s perceptions.
Timestamps
0:00 – Introduction: Who is Alex Korb?
2:25 – What makes the Upward Spiral unique?
7:45 – The healthy “we” starts with the healthy “me”
9:10 – Our brains are wired to notice the negative and ignore consistency
12:48 – Practicing gratitude; direct your attention to what you can acknowledge is good
14:47 – Understanding depression and anxiety
15:57 – Acknowledge that you have a perspective
18:09 – Depression and anxiety are common; there is nothing broken or wrong with your brain
20:53 – Why do we get stuck in bad habits so easily?
24:29 – Focus on the little small tweaks for your body that create an upward spiral
30:28 – Gratitude is something you can do on your own to improve your relationships
34:16 – Breaking negative patterns activates reward circuits
37:12 – Expressing gratitude does not have an expiration date
39:22 – When to reach out to a medical professional
42:09 – Any step is better than being stuck
43:21 – Everyone’s perspectives are different
46:20 – Alex’s takeaway: when things are feeling really bad, realize that things aren’t as bad as they seem
48:33 – Liz’s takeaway: why the why
48:53 – Dave’s takeaway: Doing small things breaks up relationship rutsAbout Alex Korb
Dr. Alex Korb is a neuroscientist, coach, and bestselling author of The Upward Spiral. He is the founder of The Upward Spiral Method where he helps smart, passionate professionals conquer unnecessary overthinking, stress, and self-doubt to unleash the brain's potential for passion, productivity, and purpose. Dr. Korb has a wealth of experience in yoga and mindfulness, physical fitness, and even stand-up comedy.
Insights
Alex: All we need to do is one small step. It doesn’t have to fix everything, it just has to be better than the default of the downward spiral your brain wants to go in.
Dave: A little small win can help create an upward spiral for our relationships.
Liz: Understanding why something is good for me rather than being told what to do gets my attention
Invites:
• To get out of a mental rut, take a little step to break out of your brain’s default of negative habits. Try going for a walk, stepping outside in the sun, or even standing up for a few seconds.
• Expressing gratitude and kindness is something in your control. Write down a few things you may take for granted but are grateful for nonetheless. Doing so tells your brain to focus more on the good rather on the negative.
• You can’t always control your feelings, but you can control your actions. Take action by saying thank you to someone that influenced you in some way, even if it was a few days, weeks, or years ago. Gratitude does not have an expiration date. In fact, it tends to have even greater weight and mean more to the receiver over time.Alex Korb Links
https://www.facebook.com/alexkorb
https://www.instagram.com/alexkorbphd/
https://alexkorbphd.click/guide
Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:
Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelife
TikTok: @strongermarriagelife
Dr. Dave Schramm:Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU
Facebook Marriage Group:https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579
Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642
Dr. Liz Hale:
See our website for privacy information.
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Taking Your Marriage From Good to Great | Dr. Terri Orbuch | #36
Today Dr. Dave and Dr. Liz sit down with Dr. Terri Orbuch who is also known as the love doctor and discuss taking your marriage from good to great. From communication to frustration to positivity and managing money, Terri breaks things down into practical principles that anyone can apply.
Timestamps:
0:00 – Introduction: Who is Terri Orbuch?
2:49 – Terri’s research
4:32 – 46% of married couples divorce
5:15 – The positive and optimistic statistic of 71% of divorced couples
7:52 – Affirmations in marriage
9:54 – The biggest reason relationships don’t work is frustration
11:05 – Conflict, disagreements and differences are inevitable
12:34 – We need to make sure we have realistic expectations
14:38 – What is more important to husbands than wives?
16:03 – We need to feel like we are part of a team
18:44 – The 10-minute rule that partners need to practice
21:43 – Excitement and passion declining is inevitable in all relationships
23:15 – Do something new and novel with your partner
25:26 – Three strategies to increase passion and excitement in your relationship
26:37 – It is ok to take a break when you are irritated
28:37 – Keep each issue or specific annoyance separate
30:31 – The number one source of tension or conflict among couples is money
33:00 – Happy couples focus on what’s going well, and focus on the positive
35:21 – Resources
37:22 – TakeawaysAbout Terri Orbuch:
Dr. Terri Orbuch is a world-renowned relationship expert, author, speaker, therapist,
distinguished professor at Oakland University, research scientist at University of Michigan’s Institute for Social Research and media personality whose practical science based advice had helped 1000’s of people find and create the loving relationships they deserve. She is also the director of a landmark study funded by the National Institutes of Health, where she has been following the same couples for over three decades.Insights:
Terri: It is all about the little things, waking up and giving affirmations or actions of affirmations. Spending 10 minutes every single day taking about something other than those four topics.
Dave: The little affirmations and things are powerful.
Liz: Take one issue at a time, your brain gets overloaded and overwhelmed if you try to do too much at once.
Invites:
- Take on one issue at a time within your relationship
- It’s all in the little things, spread daily affirmations to your partner
- Practice the 10-minute rule with your partner each dayTerri Orbuch Links:
https://drterrithelovedoctor.com
https://www.facebook.com/DrTerriLoveDr/
https://twitter.com/drterrilovedr?lang=en
https://www.instagram.com/terriorbuch/?hl=en
Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:
Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelife
TikTok: @strongermarriagelife
Dr. Dave Schramm:Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU
Facebook Marriage Group:https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579
Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642
Dr. Liz Hale:
See our website for privacy information.
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Overcoming Sexual Struggles in Marriage | Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife | #35
On today’s episode, Dr. Dave and Dr. Liz talk with Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife about
healthy sexuality and why many struggle in this area. She also discusses how to develop the capacity for deeper emotional and sexual intimacy. She shares the number one goal she has for people who visit with her and her practice.Timestamps:
0:00 – Introduction: Who is Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife
2:53 – Where do you begin in your sexuality coaching with clients?
3:18 – Time, sex, and money are the top three issues for newlywed couples
6:10 – Marriage is a divine institution
7:07 – Top insights from studies and dissertation
9:40 – The number one goal is increasing people’s ability to have joy
11:49 – No other relationship matters like the one right in front of me
13:30 – Marriage struggles are not a problem, but a process
14:30 – The perfect storm
16:19 – Controlling in the marriage
18:28 – What can I do to help?
19:16 – There is nothing strange with differences in couples
20:50 – Finding more space and respect
21:35 – We love strength in people
22:43 – Perfectionism is a terror that humanity will expose us as unlovable
25:03 – Superwoman complex
26:57 – Recognize when you are stressed or anxious
28:53 – We don’t get to choose if we experience anxiety
31:11 – Being willing to face truth through the looking glass of marriage
32:33 – Where to go for more information from Jennifer
33:26 – TakeawaysAbout Dr. Finlayson-Fife:
Dr. Jennifer Finlayson-Fife is an LDS relationship and sexuality coach with a Ph.D. in
Counseling Psychology. Her teaching and coaching focus on helping LDS individuals
and couples achieve greater satisfaction and passion in their emotional and sexual
relationships. In addition to her private practice, Dr. Finlayson-Fife has created five empowering and highly reviewed online courses. Each course was designed to give LDS individuals and couples the tools requisite to creating healthier lives and stronger intimate relationships. Dr. Finlayson-Fife also offers many workshops and retreats where she teaches these life-changing principles in person. Dr. Finlayson-Fife is a frequent guest on LDS-themed podcasts about sexuality, relationships, mental health, and faith. She is also the creator and host of Room for Two, a popular sex and intimacy coaching podcast.Insights:
Dave: Time, sex, and money are the top three issues for newlywed couples. Relationship
happiness is often at stake with all of this.Liz: If I can’t say no, then I am not free to say yes.
Dr. Finlayson-Fife: All unnecessary suffering is a part of avoiding necessary suffering. Suffering is a part of life. Decide to step into purposeful discomfort, purposeful suffering, to become stronger.
Invites:
• Make sure you can take a step back when you are following a negative pattern, ask
yourself, what role you have in the pattern? How are you feeding it?
• In the chaos, uncertainty, and anxiety of life, push for what is true. Trust the process and the honesty in your marriage, it will show you what you need to know to be stronger.
• None of us chooses whether we experience anxiety, we only get to choose whether its productive or unproductive.Dr. Finlayson-Fife Links:
https://www.finlayson-fife.com
https://www.instagram.com/finlaysonfife/?hl=en
https://www.facebook.com/finlaysonfife/https://www.youtube.com/@Dr.Finlayson-Fife
Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:
Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelife
TikTok: @strongermarriagelife
Dr. Dave Schramm:Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU
Facebook Marriage Group:https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579
Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642
Dr. Liz Hale:
See our website for privacy information.
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Love & Constructive Conflict | Dr. Chad Ford | #34
On today’s episode of the stronger marriage connection, Dr. Dave and Dr. Liz sit
down with Chad Ford, author of the book Dangerous Love, to discuss some tips and tools about how we can change the conflict patterns within our relationships.Timestamps:
0:00 – Introduction: Who is Chad Ford?
2:50 – What is dangerous love?
4:57 – Dangerous love demands fearlessness; choosing love over fear
6:16 – Fearlessness is being vulnerable without guarantee that your partner will be too
8:49 – Nothing about conflict will change until we change
11:10 – “Us-preservation” instead of self-preservation
14:52 – You don’t have to agree to come up with a solution that works for the both of you
17:15 – Dangerous love is meeting people where they’re at & finding a way forward together
19:06 – Conflict doesn't happen to us; we’re part of a pattern in conflict
21:25 – Conflict doesn’t have to be destructive; great relationships include conflict
23:06 – Change without guarantee that your partner is going to change
25:58 – Turn to see your partner because it’s the right thing to do
27:50 – If I were to give my whole heart to my partner, what would it occur to me to do?
29:04 – Fear is what keep us from giving our whole hearts
32:32 – Fairness and connectedness are not the same thing
33:58 – In a great marriage is harmony; you can’t harmonize with yourself
35:44 – Chad’s takeaway: conflict isn’t impossible, there's always something you can do
36:24 – Liz’s takeaway: we need each other in growing and developing and embracing conflict
37:00 – Dave’s takeaway: slowing down to see things from their perspective creates
vulnerability, compassion, and this new awareness.About Chad Ford:
Chad Ford has been living five lives simultaneously for nearly 20 years. He’s been an
international conflict mediator, a college professor, a senior consultant and facilitator for the Arbinger Institute, an executive board member for PeacePlayers and a writer, analyst and entrepreneur covering the NBA and NBA Draft for ESPN. After completing a Master’s degree in conflict analysis and resolution from George Mason University and a Juris Doctorate from Georgetown University Law School in 2000, Chad was poised to begin his career as a conflict mediator and facilitator. At BYU-Hawaii, Chad created a major and certificate program in intercultural peacebuilding, mediation and facilitation. Chad and his wife Amanda, who teaches courses in family conflict transformation and mindfulness, have worked with thousands of students from over 90 countries in the world. Chad’s work has earned him Professor of the Year honors at BYU-Hawaii and made Intercultural Peacebuilding one of the most popular programs on campus.Insights:
Chad: If I want something to change, it starts with me.
Dave: Heed and answer to that inner call to connect.
Liz: Marriage is the ultimate self improvement project.Invites:
● Instead of waiting for your partner to change, recognize the part you play in conflict and seek to change it without any guarantee that your partner will do the same. You may
find that your partner’s response to your change is exactly what you hoped.
● Examine whether there is contempt in your relationship. If you “horibilize” your partner by objectifying them and only seeing their faults and their weaknesses, you might be guilty of contempt.
● As yourself, “ If I were to give my whole heart to my partner, what would it occur to me to do?”. Be still and then heed that inner call to connect.Chad Ford Links:
- https://dangerouslovebook.com/
- https://dangerouslovebook.com/dangerous-love-podcast/
- https://dangerouslovebook.com/conflict-styles-assessment/
Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:
Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelife
TikTok: @strongermarriagelife
Dr. Dave Schramm:Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU
Facebook Marriage Group:https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579
Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642
Dr. Liz Hale:
See our website for privacy information.
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Mindfulness in Marriage| Dr. Jacob Hess | #33
Today’s conversation is one you don’t want to miss! Listen in to the Stronger
Marriage Connection as Dave and Liz sit down with Dr. Jacob Hess, a master of mindfulness, to discuss the realities of love and romance & what is hijacking relationships today.TimeStamps:
0:00 – Introduction: Who is Dr. Jacob Hess?
2:36 – What is hijacking relationships & causing couples to drift apart?
4:52 – The narratives of romance - how things are “supposed” to be
6:56 – What is the reality of romance?
9:30 – People look to their romantic partner to somehow meet all of their needs
11:26 – Allow your relationships to be human and allow your partner to be a human being
14:27 – See your partner as they are, rather than how they’re supposed to be
16:46 – The relationship hijack of self-absorption
18:46 – Whole soul romance: when someone loves your mind & heart, not just how they feel
around you
20:46 – Micro moments of love
22:31 – Small things over time create a new kind of momentum for the relationship to grow
24:25 – Honing the ability to show love generally, but especially to our partner
26:56 – Infatuation & fireworks draw people together, committed & enduring love keeps them
together
29:31 – The difference between loving a person and loving a particular idea about love
31:07 – Follow the peace, not the passion
33:17 – Every marriage has waves, learn to surf them instead of fight them
34:25 – Jacob’s takeaway of the day: Instead of constantly forcing a story on everybody around,
let each moment with somebody be new. Let people breathe.
35:16 – Liz’s takeaway: Tranquil affection - loving with great warmth & affection
35:50 – Dave’s takeaway: Take something ordinary in your relationship and make it extra
ordinaryAbout Jacob Hess:
Jacob Hess is the author of 14 peer-reviewed studies on competing narratives of difficult health and social issues, as well as a book on what’s hijacking romance, “Once Upon a Time...He Wasn’t Feeling It Anymore, and two others: “The Power of Stillness: Mindful Living for Latter-Day Saints” with Carrie Skarda, Kyle Anderson and Ty Mansfield. And with his Marxist-Atheist friend Phil Neisser, Dean of the State University of New York, “You’re Not as Crazy as I Thought, But You’re Still Wrong.” Jacob is a former board member of the National Coalition of Dialogue & Deliberation, and writes for Deseret News and Public Square Magazine about making space for thoughtful, good-hearted people to find understanding (and affection) while exploring together the deepest of disagreements. Jacob has taught Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction and helped create online mindfulness-based recovery programs for depression/anxiety (Lift) and sexual compulsivity (Fortify) that have reached 200K in 155 countries. He is currently working with Impact Suite on a mental health fitbit and with The Council for Sustainable Healing on ways to encourage families to build a healing sanctuary at home to counteract depression and anxiety. Jacob is a happy father of five, partner of one amazing gal – and mediocre goatherd.
Insights:
Jacob: There's something about being in the presence of someone who you feel, not only their full attention, but you feel held in their affection too.
Dave: There are little micro moments in life and in our marriages that we can't let pass by.
Liz: We have to understand love. We must know what love is in order to receive it and give it.
Invites:
● How you greet your spouse matters. Make your partner feel special by conveying your excitement at seeing them when they come home after a long day at work or after being apart for a few days. This will surprise your partner and make them feel loved.
● Examine what narratives of romance you consciously or unconsciously expect from your relationship. Try asking yourself some of these hard questions and answer honestly.
What do you really want to love? Has this story of romance seduced you so far that
you're willing to toss this person aside as some barrier on your pathway to your grand
fulfillment? Or could it be that the very person in front of you, this human being that has
their own challenges, could be the pathway to deeper love?
● Take the ordinary things in your relationships and make them extraordinary. Do this by giving your partner an impromptu five second hug or leaving them a note saying how
much you appreciate them. Even the mundane parts of life can be turned into moments
of connection.Dr. Jacob Hess Links:
- unthinkable.cc
- https://www.deseret.com/authors/jacob-hess
- https://publicsquaremag.org/author/jhess/
- https://www.joinfortify.com/Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:
Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelife
TikTok: @strongermarriagelife
Dr. Dave Schramm:Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU
Facebook Marriage Group:https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579
Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642
Dr. Liz Hale:
Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:
Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelife
TikTok: @strongermarriagelife
Dr. Dave Schramm:Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU
Facebook Marriage Group:https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579
Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642
Dr. Liz Hale:
See our website for privacy information.
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Safe Conversations | Clay & Sonja Arnold | #32
On today’s episode, Dave and Liz are joined by Clay and Sonja Arnold, relational
coaches and communication experts, to discuss safe conversations - what they are and how couples can use them to decrease negativity and foster more connection in their relationships.Timestamps:
0:00 – Introduction: Who are Sonja & Clay Arnold?
2:23 – What exactly is a safe conversation & how did it get started?
4:56 – Sentence Stems - phrases used to keep us from triggering negative responses
6:09 – “Is there more about that?”
8:28 – Make an appointment to talk with your partner first; ask “is now a good time to talk
about [blank]”
11:03 – Why is effectively listening to our partner so difficult to do?
14:04 – Couples should strive for zero negativity in their conversations
16:25 – Owning your mistakes & making repairs quickly
19:05 – Address the negativity in your relationship; don’t ignore it because it’ll just stack up
22:33 – Imago Therapy - what it is & how it affects who we choose to marry
24:56 – If our spouse grows, we grow
26:48 – Conflict is growth waiting to happen
29:01 – Don’t ever stop having fun with your partner
31:37 – Empathy is about trying to connect with your partner & find out what they’re feeling
33:26 – Always be willing to learn
35:15 – Sonja’s takeaway: Don’t feel like you're lacking because of your struggles. Don’t struggle
by yourself. Reach out. Don’t go it alone.
35:39 – Clay’s takeaway: Be willing to learn and grow individually and in your relationship36:10 – Liz’s takeaway: Ask your partner if it’s a good time to talk about something and then
start with a compliment
36:50 – Dave’s takeaway: Own your bad - your behavior, your attitude, and your dramaAbout Sonja & Clay Arnold:
Relational coaches for 22 years, Sonja and Clay have worked with individuals, families and couples around the world. Theirs is an integrative, neuroscience-based approach for life planning and inter-personal growth for relationships of all kinds. They offer workshops and consultations with clients including business and religious leaders, coaches and therapists, medical professionals and more - the strategy being that by providing skills to one person, a ripple effect will occur as people practice the skills in their work lives, congregations, families and communities. Sonja and Clay have been married for 43 years and have 4 grown children and 5 grandkids. They live with their grand dogs in Arlington, Texas.Certifications include: Safe Conversations® Senior Trainers, Life Coaching Institute Senior Trainers, Tony Robbins Mastery University graduates, Amen Clinics Brain Health and the Well Life Coaching Certification. Sonja graduated with a degree in Education/Deaf Education and Clay in Communications/Pastoral Counseling.
Insights:
Sonja: Conflict is growth waiting to happen.
Clay: We have to feel safe enough to connect in order to really communicate.
Dave: You don't necessarily avoid conflict but you bring things up and handle them in
compassionate ways. Watch your temper, your tongue, and your tone.
Liz: Some things we experience in marriage are really painful and I wish we could X them out. But perhaps then, we'd missed the magic and the meaning and the growth.Invites:
● Before starting an important conversation with your partner, ask if it’s a good time first. You could say, “is now a good time to talk about [blank]?”. If they say it’s not a good
time, schedule another time in the near future to have that conversation when he or she
is ready.
● Create a code word to use when things start to get negative in a conversation between you and your partner. Clay and Sonja Arnold use the word “marshmallow” to signal when either of them is feeling triggered and something needs to change. Talk with your partner about a phrase that could work for you.● Don’t forget to have fun with your partner. Keep dating them long after you’re married. This nurtures the space between you and creates more enjoyment in your life together.
Sonja & Clay Arnold Links:
https://www.heartlifecoachingdfw.com/
https://safeconversations.com/
Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:
Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelife
TikTok: @strongermarriagelife
Dr. Dave Schramm:Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU
Facebook Marriage Group:https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579
Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642
Dr. Liz Hale:
See our website for privacy information.
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Relationship Resilience After Betrayal Trauma | Geoff Steurer | #31
Listen in as Dr. Dave and Dr. Liz invite back to the show Geoff Steurer, specialist on
betrayal trauma, to talk about how couples can bounce back and move forward after trust is broken in the relationship. If you or someone you know is experiencing betrayal trauma, this is an episode you don’t want to miss!Timestamps:
0:00 – Introduction: Who is Dr. Geoff Steurer?
3:00 – What is betrayal trauma?
5:35 – Most people initially stay with their partner after being betrayed
7:49 – Quick trust does not exist, you can’t quickly trust somebody
9:56 – Both the hurt partner and the betrayer are on their own paths of recovery
11:26 – The marriage goes through a recovery process too
13:55 – Tearing yourself down does not help you & it doesn’t help who you’ve hurt
15:58 – Recovery means being willing to talk about the betrayal
17:00 – People can change; there is healing on the other side of betrayal trauma
20:15 – Coming clean versus being found out - how it affects the recovery process
22:13 – There are no quick fixes when it comes to betrayal & emotion & connection
24:50 – Engage in healing; you'll feel better eventually doing the healing work
26:48 – What is the role of parents whose adult child is experiencing betrayal trauma?
29:19 – A message to those who are on the edge of betraying their partner
31:06 – Let’s not be afraid to talk about attraction and chemistry
33:16 – Make sure there's not enough space between you and your partner for someone else
36:21 – Geoff’s takeaway: there's nothing, in terms of your emotions and experiences and feelings and needs, that your marriage can't handle
37:09 – Liz’s takeaway: People have the tools, talents, resources, and abilities to handle
something as excruciatingly painful as betrayal
37:39 – Dave’s takeaway: Be very mindful and intentional in your relationshipInsights:
Dave: When both partners are committed to doing the work, it brings hope into the relationship
Liz: Good people make mistakes, good people betray
Geoff: The structure and institution of marriage is sturdy and stable and it’s big enough to hold all of our fears, worries, insecurities, temptations and struggles
Invites:
● If you find yourself flirting or looking forward to interacting with someone of the
opposite sex, get honest with yourself and your partner about it. Don’t be afraid to talk
about attraction.
● Keep it a little awkward with people you could be attracted to. Keep that distance there and don’t build so much familiarity.
● If someone you love is going through betrayal trauma, get educated and understand the process. Learn how to keep your own emotional balance and know what to say/what not to say. “You don't want to become a piece of debris in somebody else's tornado”.About Geoff Steurer:
Geoff Steurer has a passionate commitment to helping couples rebuild their
relationships from crisis to connection. He specializes in helping couples and individuals
affected by the trauma of sexual betrayal. He understands how exhilarating and stressful
marriage can be and works hard at his own marriage. His goal is to show couples how his work will pay off in their own lives. Steurer specializes in Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, treating pornography and sexual addictions, infidelity, men's issues, anxiety, depression, anger management, and family therapy. He is the co-author of "Love You, Hate the Porn", creator of the "Trust Building Bootcamp", host of the podcast, "From Crisis to Connection", and author of a weekly online Q&A column.Geoff Steurer Links:
Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:
Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelife
TikTok: @strongermarriagelife
Dr. Dave Schramm:Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU
Facebook Marriage Group:https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579
Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642
Dr. Liz Hale:
See our website for privacy information.
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Tackling Money in Marriage | Taylor & Megan Kovar | #30
On today’s episode of the stronger marriage connection, Dave and Liz sit down with
Taylor and Megan Kovar, also known as the money couple, to share the strategies and resources they offer couples in handling money in marriage. Listen in to find out what you can do to avoid financial infidelity and create financial freedom today!About Taylor & Megan Kovar:
The Kovar's have been branded as the Money Couple since 2020 after realizing one of the biggest woes couples were having involved money management. With professional money management skills, the Kovars provide resources on budgeting groceries, birthday parties, all the way to retirement. In the past three years, the Kovars have developed awesome pages and platforms: 5 Money Personalities, Financial Infidelity, The Millionaire Marriage Podcast, The Money Couple blog and many other couples’ courses. Through trial and error, the Kovars have developed the right ways to achieve financial freedom, putting family first and enjoying life.
Insights:
Taylor: It takes work and some education, but I think no matter what your income level, you can achieve some of that peace that comes with financial freedom.
Megan: One of the things you need to know about yourself is your money personality, because you just don't realize how that affects so many different aspects of your personality as a whole.
Dave: Just because we have money differences, doesn't mean that we can't make it work. It's about understanding, having compassion, simple awareness and trying to see things from our partner/spouses perspective.
Liz: Is financial infidelity worth the loss and hurt of intimacy?
Invites:
● Make your finances a priority. Pick a time with your spouse to sit down and discuss your finances. Stick it on the calendar and then stick to it.
● Get educated! Discover your money personality by taking the free assessment and then ask your partner to take it as well. Take another assessment to find out if there's
financial infidelity in your relationship and at what level.● Seek out good mentors, people that are going to speak truth into your life. Don’t just surround yourself with “yes men”. Sometimes we don’t see what we need to work on.
Taylor & Megan Kovar Links:
https://themoneycouple.com/5-money-personalities/
https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCnABbQSwTxWyKevoRJnOfgg
Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:
Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelife
TikTok: @strongermarriagelife
Dr. Dave Schramm:Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU
Facebook Marriage Group:https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579
Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642
Dr. Liz Hale:
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Becoming A Smart Step Family | Ron Deal | #29
On today’s episode of the stronger marriage connection, Dr. Dave and Dr. Liz sit
down with author and expert on blended families, Ron L. Deal, to bring you the leading research, tips and tools about how to create successful step family relationships. If you are navigating remarriage and/or blending a family unit, join the conversation and learn what may help you on your journey!About Ron Deal:
Ron L. Deal is one of the most widely read and viewed experts on blended families in the country. He is the director of FamilyLife Blended® for FamilyLife®, founder of Smart Stepfamilies™, and the author and consulting editor of the Smart Stepfamily Series of books including the bestselling Building Love Together in Blended Families: The 5 Love Languages® and Becoming Stepfamily Smart (with Dr. Gary Chapman), The Smart Stepfamily: 7 Steps to a Healthy Family, and Preparing to Blend. Ron is a licensed marriage and family therapist, popular
conference speaker, and host of the FamilyLife Blended podcast. He and his wife, Nan, have three sons and live in Little Rock, Arkansas. Learn more at FamilyLife.com/blended.Insights:
Ron: Humble people who can make changes over time will deepen trust and intimacy in their relationship.
Dave: The process of family blending takes patience and time and understanding and love and kindness. Like an extra double dose of all of that.
Liz: All couples have struggles, but remarriages and stepfamilies have some unique struggles and challenges.Invites:
● If you are a dating parent, engage your kids in "what if" conversations. You could ask, “what if dad started dating again?” or “this guy has kids of his own, how would you feel if mom were to date him?”. This will help you make better decisions about when and where to introduce your kids to the person you’re dating.
● Practice chasing the pain, as Ron Deal mentioned. Next time you are triggered by something your partner does, ask yourself “what is this telling me?” or “what is going on inside me and is there a better way for me to handle this feeling than I have in the past?”. Don't let the past invade your present.
● Visit smartstepfamilies.com to discover more resources about step families and remarriage. Then share the website and what you learned with people you know who are in stepfamily relationships and would benefit from Ron Deal’s work.Ron Deal Links:
- https://familylifeblended.com/blended
- https://smartstepfamilies.com
- https://rondeal.org
- https://www.facebook.com/familylifeblended
- https://www.instagram.com/familylifeblended/
- https://www.youtube.com/@FamilyLifeBlended
- https://www.familylife.com/podcast/familylife-blended-podcast/Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:
Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelife
TikTok: @strongermarriagelife
Dr. Dave Schramm:Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU
Facebook Marriage Group:https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579
Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642
Dr. Liz Hale:
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Embracing Regrets | Dr. Dave & Dr. Liz | #28
Join ourn host Dr. Dave Schramm and Dr. Liz Hale as they discuss how to embrace regret and learn from the past.
Insights:
Do not let regrets bog us down. They can be a reminder into who we are becoming and how we are learning and growing in our relationships. Living a life filled with shame and guilt is not a productive way to live, but by acknowledging and seeking understanding of your regrets you can develop a greater feeling of peace and happiness in your marriage.Invites:
● Sit down with your partner and have a conversation about regrets. See what your
partner regrets and share what you may regret.
● Practice identifying your regrets as a foundation, boldness, moral or connection regret in your journal.
● Visit the world regret survey and see what regrets people in your area are experiencing. Find peace and connection through seeing the regrets that others around you may have. Recognize that you are not alone in your regrets.Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:
Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelife
TikTok: @strongermarriagelife
Dr. Dave Schramm:Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU
Facebook Marriage Group:https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579
Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642
Dr. Liz Hale:
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Unconditional Love In Marriage | Dr. Greg Baer | #27
Dr. Dave and Dr. Liz Take a deep dive into the topic of unconditional love in marriage with Dr. Greg Baer. Greg shares principles and insights about real love, how it can transform your marriage and parenting. Giving 5 steps to real love.
About Greg Baer:
For 20 years, Greg Baer was a successful surgeon, teacher, civic leader, and entrepreneur. Despite all these things, Greg didn’t feel happy. In his search for happiness, he learned principles that has changed the lives of thousands. Dr. Baer retired from one of the busiest solo eye surgery practices in the U.S. and began a new career of writing, teaching, and speaking. He has written 18 books about relationships, marriage and parenting and produced all kinds of other trainings.
Insights:
Dr. Greg Baer: Unconditional love, or what I call real love is the key element to a stronger
marriage connection.Dr. Dave: Choose to be a first responder or a nuclear reactor when we feel stress within our relationships.
Dr. Liz: It’s all about pain, pain makes us insane, it makes us do things we wouldn’t normally do
when we are filled with loveInvites:
• Don’t be satisfied with your marriage being just “Okay”
• Go through the five steps of achieving unconditional love
• Practice telling the truth about yourself before expecting the truth from othersGreg Baer Links:
https://www.linkedin.com/in/gregbaermd
Books:
Real Love: The Truth About Finding Unconditional Love & Fulling Relationships
https://a.co/d/5xokhrqReal Love in Marriage: The Truth About Finding Genuine Happiness Now & Forever
https://a.co/d/66KHqi8Real Love in Parenting: Nine Simple & Powerful Effective Principles for Raising Happy & Responsible Children: https://a.co/d/eStaD2b
Real Love Companion: Taking Steps Toward a Loving & Happy Life
https://a.co/d/jdOJS5EReal Love in Dating: The truth About Finding The Perfect Partner
https://a.co/d/1SNpX7wVisit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:
Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelife
TikTok: @strongermarriagelife
Dr. Dave Schramm:Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU
Facebook Marriage Group:https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579
Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642
Dr. Liz Hale:
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Tips For A Better Sex Life in Marriage | Dan Purcell | #26
Join Dr. Dave and Dr. Liz today in talking about sexual intimacy within your
relationship, where they welcome on special guest Dan Purcell. Dan talks with us about the importance of keeping our relationships close and connected. Sharing some great tips to help couples navigate this important topic and offering some excellent resources for you to learn more.About:
Dan and his wife Emily Purcell are the founders of Get Your Marriage On! Their marriage went through a bit of a renaissance a few years ago and wanted to share what they learned with other couples. They created a fun & sexy bedroom game app called Intimately Us that has been downloaded over 300,000 times. They put on events and retreats for couples. Dan is the host of the Get Your Marriage On! podcast. Dan also coaches others on marriage & intimacy.
Dan and Emily have been married for over 19 years and have 6 kids. Dan loves cracking dad jokes, running marathons, planning the next creative date night with his sweetheart, and enjoys the magnificent outdoors around their St George home.
Insights:Dan: Make your spouse number one, investing in our relationships will bring us the biggest return on happiness.
Dave: Taking a deeper approach that is more intimate and can be so powerful, rather than superficial.
Liz: What can I do today to make my spouses life more worth living?
Invites:
• Slow things down – take time to work on intimacy with your significant other, things
wont just come naturally, they will take time and effort.
• Download the app, “Intimately Us” and follow @getyourmarriageon on Instagram.
• Make your spouse your number one, investigate your relationship and find what makes
you both the happiest.Dan Purcell Links:
https://getyourmarriageon.libsyn.com
https://www.instagram.com/getyourmarriageon/?hl=en
Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:
Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelife
TikTok: @strongermarriagelife
Dr. Dave Schramm:Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU
Facebook Marriage Group:https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579
Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642
Dr. Liz Hale:
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Therapy For Relationship Wellness | Dr. Don and Carrie Cole | #25
Join the conversation today as Dave and Liz invite doctors Don and Carrie Cole,
founders of the Center for Relationship Wellness, onto the stronger marriage connection
podcast to bring you some amazing tools and strategies for creating more connection in your relationship. Don and Carrie’s work is backed by years of scientific research with John and Julie Gottman, so you won’t want to miss out on today’s episode!The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, by Dr. John & Julie Gottman
About Dr. Don & Carrie Cole:
Dr. Carrie Cole is the Director of Research for The Gottman Institute and manages the
Gottman Love Lab. She holds a Ph.D. in psychological research and a master’s degree in counseling psychology. She is a licensed professional counselor and an approved LPC supervisor in the State of Texas, a licensed mental health counselor in the State of Washington, and a Certified Gottman Therapist. Carrie is a Master Trainer for The Gottman Institute and trains therapists in Gottman Method Couples Therapy around the world. She is a consultant for the certification program and has led The Art and Science of Love weekend workshop for couples multiple times a year since 2008. Carrie has also published peer-reviewed journal articles independently and with doctors John and Julie Gottman. Her work with couples includes couples therapy, workshops, seminars, and intensive marathon sessions. Carrie and her husband, Dr. Don Cole reside in Seattle, WA.Insights:
Don: Things can't just fix themselves. You have to repair things. When things aren't feeling right, you have to fix it.
Carrie: Couples who are connected to each other have a lot of rituals that they really enjoy doing together.
Liz: The beauty of these tools is that they bring us such hope. Across the board. No matter where we are in our marriage.
Dave: Lack of attention leads to loss of connection.Invites:
● Create meaningful rituals of connection. Set a time each day that works for you and your partner where you can talk about how you’re doing as a couple.
● Next time you need to bring up an issue to your partner, use a softened startup. Talk about how you feel, what happened (without using “you”), and state what you need inpositive terms. Write it out if you have to. How a conversation starts is likely how it’s
going to end.
● Have a stress reducing conversation with your partner. If your spouse expresses an emotional experience, try not to problem solve or side with the enemy. Ask good
questions. Show compassion, empathy, and validation.Dr. Don & Carrie Cole Links:
- Centerforrelationshipwellness.com
- carrie@gottman.com
- don@gottman.com
- gottman.comVisit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:
Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelife
TikTok: @strongermarriagelife
Dr. Dave Schramm:Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU
Facebook Marriage Group:https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579
Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642
Dr. Liz Hale:
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Marriage Happy Hacks | Dr. Dave & Dr. Liz | #24
On today’s episode of the stronger marriage connection podcast, Dr. Dave and Dr. Liz
discuss some of the top tips they call “Happy Hacks” that help us flourish as individuals and
bring more happiness into our relationships. Strong marriages are built on the virtues and
character strengths of the spouses, so join the conversation to learn what you can do starting today to better yourself and your relationship!Insights:
Liz: Living amidst conflict hurts our health. Living amidst good, warm, loving relationships is protective.
Dave: If you want to be instantly happy, do something kind. Do something thoughtful, send someone a text, write them a letter, or send them a note. Doing something kind makes you a happier and a positive person and then that spills over into your marriage.Invites:
● Are there areas in your personal life that you can tweak to be healthier physically and mentally? Where can you create an upward spiral toward greater happiness as an
individual and as a couple?
● Do your facial expressions tell your spouse: “I see you. I notice you. I’m glad you’re
there”? If not, make a goal to show in your facial expressions that you appreciate your
partner.
● Practice mindfulness by intentionally choosing to enjoy your day. Be fully present in each moment without judgment.
● Create a gratitude journal for your spouse. When you’re upset with them, practice the “drop and do 10” exercise by writing down 10 reasons why you appreciate your partner.Episode Links:
Signature strengths survey - https://www.viacharacter.org/
Robert Waldinger Harvard study ted talk -https://www.ted.com/talks/robert_waldinger_what_makes_a_good_life_lessons_from_the_longest_study_on_happiness?utm_campaign=tedspread&utm_medium=referral&utm_source=ted
comshareVisit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:
Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelife
TikTok: @strongermarriagelife
Dr. Dave Schramm:Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU
Facebook Marriage Group:https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579
Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642
Dr. Liz Hale:
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Empty Nest Marriage | Richard & Linda Eyre | #23
On todays’ episode, Dr. Dave and Dr. Liz welcome Richard and Linda Eyre back on the show to shed some light on grandparenting and how to make your marriage thrive as empty nesters. Richard and Linda share some powerful tips and tools from their online course and community called grandparenting101.com so that you can prepare now for this exciting phase of life!
Timestamps:
0:00 – Introduction: Who are Richard & Linda Eyre?
2:44 – “Gray Divorce” & why the divorce rate has gone down in recent years
4:39 – The dynamics and chemistry of the relationship change when it’s just you two again
6:19 – Creating a new vision statement for your marriage when the kids are gone
7:47 – Being a team as grandparents helps your marriage to thrive
9:28 – The time when the kids are gone may be longer than the time when the kids are there
11:21 – Look forward to empty nesting by planning things to do together; see it as an opportunity to focus on eachother again
13:07 – When couples have joint projects they thrive together
16:50 – Going your separate ways on grandparenting will only create divisions
18:17 – Monthly meeting with your children about how to grandparent their children
20:08 – Using zoom to stay connected & talk about how to support grandchildren
22:03 – Renewing your commitment to each other in this new phase & writing it down
23:13 – What can couples do now to prepare for & strengthen their marriage as empty nesters?
25:32 – Write down things you adore & appreciate about the other person
27:09 – Grandparenting101.com - an online community for grandparents
30:51 – Don’t just be a grandparent, be a grand husband or a grand wife
33:00 – Richard & Linda’s takeaway - live life in the present & remember why you married your spouseAbout Richard & Linda Eyre:
Richard and Linda Eyre are the parents of nine children and are among the most popular speakers in the world on parenting and families. They've presented in more than 45 countries and are New York Times best selling authors of numerous books on parenting couples and families. The Eyres have been frequent guests on national network shows including Oprah, the Today Show, Primetime Live, 60 minutes, Good Morning America, and once did regular segments on the CBS Early Show. Their parenting website valuesparenting.com provides ideas,
guidance and creative programs for families throughout the world, including programs on grandparenting and empty nest parenting.Richard & Linda Eyre Links:
- www.valuesparenting.com
- www.grandparenting101.com
- Books: The 8 Myths of Marriage, Being a Proactive Grandfather,
The Happiness Paradox
- Social Media: @richardlindaeyre
- Email: Richardmeyre@gmail.com
Insights:
Richard: How well your marriage is doing in your senior years is directly related to how proactive you are as a grandparent
Linda: Sometimes the things that bother you the most about your spouse are the things that you love the most, if you really stop and think about it.
Liz: If we fail to plan then we plan to fail
Dave: Having both grandparents on board will strengthen their relationshipInvites:
● Start talking about what you want your marriage to look like after the kids are gone. Create a new vision statement and write it down.
● Grandparents - go to dinner with your children, who are parents, and discuss how you four can work together to support their kids. What do they want your help on? What don’t they? Work as a four person team for the benefit of the kids.
● Renew your vows in some way. Recommit to each other in this new stage of life you are in. Write them down and remind yourself of them as you move through this phase of life together.
● Write down things you adore about your partner and your kids. What are you grateful for about them? What do you appreciate them for?Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:
Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelife
TikTok: @strongermarriagelife
Dr. Dave Schramm:Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU
Facebook Marriage Group:https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579
Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642
Dr. Liz Hale:
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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How to Turn Conflict into Connection | Emil Harker | #22
Listen in as Dr. Dave and Dr. Liz sit down with Emil Harker, a respected therapist and
talented author, to give you some practical tips and tools for turning conflict into connection and closeness. By following a few powerful principles, we all have the ability to use inevitable conflict for good in our relationships.Timestamps:
0:00 – Introduction: Who is Emil Harker?
3:19 – Conflict is inevitable - tips for dealing with it in the moment
5:40 – Handling situations so you feel good and your partner loves you more
7:29 – Assuming good intent - hijacking the limbic system
10:18 – They want to feel good, they want you to feel good, and they’re doing the best they can.
13:34 – Really taking the time to understand your partner’s behavior
15: 38 – Criticisms are a catalyst for conflict
18:02 – Addressing criticisms by agreeing with the element of truth
21:15 – Responding to attacks - criticism, questions, declarations, commands
24:08 – “The Betrayed CEO” - how the fundamental attribution error hurts us
30:23 – Bad things happen, how we handle them will either make or break us
32:48 – Understanding the crap out of your partner - validating their emotional experience
34:41 – Problems aren’t the problem, how we handle the problems are the problem
36:15 – The process creates connection, not the solution
38:20 – The key to a stronger marriage: develop the ability to seek, receive, and respond to feedback
40:37 – Make your marriage a priority
42:56 – Liz’s takeaway: conflict can either be constructive or destructive, it is up to us
43:44 – Dave’s takeaway: Remember who your partner really is - find the message behind the messAbout Emil Harker:
Emil has been doing therapy for almost 20 years. He is passionate about getting through the fluffy stuff to the real nuts and bolts that help people turn inevitable conflict into closeness. He has been on Channel 2 Fresh living program for over 10 years and is a frequent expert guest on podcasts, and radio and tv programs. Emil has worked with NBA, UFC, and NFL athletes. He has his own podcast called The Emil Show and his book “You Can Turn Conflict into Closeness” has been well received by professional therapists and couples alike.Emil Harker Links:
- emilharker@gmail.com
- https://www.emilharker.com
- on social media @emilharker
- podcast: The Emil Show
- books: You Can Turn Conflict Into ClosenessInsights:
Dave: When we view others differently, we start treating them differently. It’s a powerful
paradigm shift.
Liz: My mantra to myself and to my spouse is: “I give you permission to not be perfect and I will still love you”.
Emil: If the process is what we are devoted to, then no matter what issues we have we will never have to compromise on the closeness and companionship of the intimate relationship.Invites:
● Before responding to a critical attack from your partner, try to practice “agreeing with the element of truth” by owning your flaws and acknowledge what is true in that
moment. Although it’s natural, try not to get defensive. This only feeds our insecurities.
● Practice getting feedback from your partner and responding to it in a positive way. You could do this by asking what they might need you to do differently during conflict and
then thanking them for their honesty.
● Make your marriage a priority by focusing on connection rather than the solution during conflict. You could do this by validating your partner’s emotional experience or taking the time to try to understand their behavior before responding to their criticisms.Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:
Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelife
TikTok: @strongermarriagelife
Dr. Dave Schramm:Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU
Facebook Marriage Group:https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579
Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642
Dr. Liz Hale:
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Preparing for Marriage and Surviving the First Year | Dr. Mark Ogletree | #21
Join in today on the Stronger Marriage podcast as Dave and Liz sit down with Mark Ogletree, a professional marriage and family educator, to guide you through how to not just survive, but thrive in your marriage. Whether you’re a fiance, newlywed, or long-time spouse, these tips apply to all couples and are sure to help you strengthen your relationship.
About Mark Ogletree:
Mark is a professional educator, having taught for over 20 years in the Church’s seminary and institute program. Since 2010, he has worked as a professor in the department of Church History and Doctrine at Brigham Young University. He is also a licensed professional counselor, having worked with individuals, couples, and families for the past 30 years. Mark is the author of books and articles on topics ranging from marriage, family, and contemporary Church history. He has also been a regular presenter at Brigham Young University’s Education Week for the past 20 years. Mark and his wife Janie have been married for 35 years. They are the parents of eight
children, and 22 grandchildren. Mark and Janie love spending time with their children and grandchildren, traveling, and spending time on the lake.Mark Ogletree’s Links:
www.markogletree.comBooks: Babysitters Are Cheaper Than Divorces and So You’re in Love, Now What?
Insights:
Dave: Comparison is the thief of joy
Liz: It is absolutely normal for engaged couples to get irritated with each other
Mark: Anytime a couple can work out conflict, that’s a healthy relationshipInvites:
- Whether you're engaged or newlywed, sit down with your partner and discuss at least three of the topics mentioned by Mark Ogletree. Examples could be finances, intimacy, or in-laws. Having these conversations will ensure that you and your partner are on the same page.
- Alone or with your significant other, take the free RELATE assessment on the Utah
Marriage Commission website to evaluate and gain a better understanding of your
relationship. At the end, choose one meaningful discussion question and have a
conversation about it with your partner.
- Never stop dating your spouse! Write notes, surprise each other, send sweet texts,
compliment and praise one another like you did before you were married. Keep doing
what made you fall in love in the first place.
- Decide with your partner what some good “talk and time together rituals” would work
for you as a couple. Whether it’s going on walks at night just the two of you or havingtime alone in the morning before the kids wake up to plan the day ahead. Make these
rituals an important part of your daily connection.Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:
Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelife
TikTok: @strongermarriagelife
Dr. Dave Schramm:Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU
Facebook Marriage Group:https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579
Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642
Dr. Liz Hale:
This podcast is produced by: Utah Marriage Commission, Rex Polanis, and Alexis Allcott
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Discernment Counseling | Dr. Bill Doherty | #20
On today’s episode Dave and Liz invite Dr. Bill Doherty, internationally recognized marriage expert, back to the Stronger Marriage Connection podcast to discuss the power of discernment counseling. Join us to learn how couples facing crisis can avoid divorce and strengthen their marriage by utilizing discernment.
About Dr. Bull Doherty:Bill Doherty is a Professor in the Department of Family Social Science at the University of Minnesota. A long-time marriage and family therapist, he is an expert on challenges couples face in the modern world, on navigating marital crisis and avoiding divorce, and on using family rituals to enhance the quality of family life. His books for the public include The Intentional Family and Take Back Your Marriage. In recent years, Bill has taken this couple's work to the national level via co-founding Braver Angels, an initiative working to decrease the politicalpolarization that is dividing the country. Among his awards is the Lifetime Achievement Award from the American Family Therapy Academy.
Dr. Bill Doherty Links:
https://www.moderncommitment.com
Invites:
● If you are the “leaning in” spouse, bring your best self forward to the crisis by really trying to hear and understand the pain your partner is in. Denial, begging, and/or pleading will not work in discernment counseling. To do this, write down one way you can improve conflict with your partner and provide a plan for change.
● Sit down with your partner this week and determine the state of your relationship. How are things going? Could they be better? How can you strengthen your current connection?
● If you determine you are in need of therapy, choose a therapist or counselor who provides structure and connection and is supportive of marriage and commitment.Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:
Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelife
TikTok: @strongermarriagelife
Dr. Dave Schramm:Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU
Facebook Marriage Group:https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579
Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642
Dr. Liz Hale:
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Can Marriage Survive Abuse, Affairs, and Addiction? | Geoff Steurer | #19
Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT joins Dr. Dave and Dr. Liz to discuss betrayal trauma and the three A’s: abuse, affairs and addiction. Geoff shares some great tips to help both partners through the challenges and struggles of the trauma that is often the result.
About Geoff Steurer:
Geoff Steurer has a passionate commitment to helping couples rebuild their
relationships from crisis to connection. He specializes in helping couples and individuals
affected by the trauma of sexual betrayal. He understands how exhilarating and stressful
marriage can be and works hard at his own marriage. His goal is to show couples how his work will pay off in their own lives.
Steurer specializes in Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, treating pornography and
sexual addictions, infidelity, men's issues, anxiety, depression, anger management, and
family therapy. He is the co-author of "Love You, Hate the Porn", creator of the "Trust
Building Bootcamp", host of the podcast, "From Crisis to Connection", and author of a
weekly online Q&A column.Geoff Steurer Links:
https://www.geoffsteurer.com/
https://www.geoffsteurer.com/podcasthttps://www.facebook.com/GeoffSteurerMFT
https://www.instagram.com/geoffsteurer/
Insights:
Dave: Reach out, reach out for help and find someone you trust to speak with.
Liz: Hope. There is so much to be hopeful about. Believe in marriage and look at the other side.
Geoff: Learn to see the other person as someone who is different than you are.
Invites:
- Learn how to stay close to your partner so you can find your way back to each other
when dealing with betrayal and trauma
- Don’t be afraid of the truth, your marriage can handle it
- Recognize that there are a lot of people who struggle with these things, do not feel
ashamed. Get help and know you are not alone.
- Take the 12 week self-guided online course if you have broken someone’s trust.Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:
Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelife
TikTok: @strongermarriagelife
Dr. Dave Schramm:Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU
Facebook Marriage Group:https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579
Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642
Dr. Liz Hale:
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Relationship Resolutions | Dave Schramm and Liz Hale | #18
On today’s episode, Dave and Liz discuss some New Year’s resolutions that couples can make to intentionally strengthen their relationships. Whether you want to create more fun and adventure in your marriage or slow down and have more alone time with your partner, listen in for some life-changing tips and tools you can use to improve your marriage in 2023.
Insights:
Dave: The big picture for me is that people are more important than problems.
Liz: Regrets are not the end of the world. We don't want to have no regrets, because regrets teach us what we value the most.Invites:
● Liz encourages couples to try to put their arguments to rest or at least come to a truce within an hour and certainly within the day. Do not let things go on past the day - the faster the better.
● Be less reactive and more responsive. Part of that is watching your temper, your tongue, and your tone. Dave encourages that it’s okay to feel intense feelings but don’t follow them as far as to react to them.
● Aim to understand. Even if you don’t agree, try to see the situation from your partner's perspective, creating more compassion. In your mind, try to come up with three reasons why they might be right.
● Even if you disagree with someone, you don't have to confront them. You don't have to bring it up. Relationships can significantly improve if one or both partners would leave some things left unsaid.
Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:
StrongerMarriage.org
podcast.strongermarriage.org
Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelife
TikTok: @strongermarriagelifeDr. Dave Schramm:
https://drdaveschramm.com
https://drdavespeaks.comFacebook:
https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSUFacebook Marriage Group:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579Facebook Parenting Group:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642Dr. Liz Hale:
http://www.drlizhale.com/See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
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Getting To The Heart of Connection | Dr. Wally Goddard | #17
Dr. Wally Goddard joins Liz & Dave to explore how humility, curiosity, and understanding are at the heart of true human connection. As we refine our own character, we perceive our partner with new eyes and experience true joy in our relationship. Listen in to understand how irritation can be an invitation.
About Dr. Wally Goddard:
After receiving a PhD in Family and Human Development from
Utah State University, Wally was a Professor at Auburn University and later at the University of Arkansas. He created many award-winning programs on personal well-being, marriage, and parenting.Wally created and hosted Guiding Children Successfully, a television series for PBS. He has written, edited, or co-authored several books including Discoveries, Between Parent and Child, Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage, The Soft-Spoken Parent, and Finding Joy in Family Life. In 2010, he won the national award for Outstanding Family Life Educator.
Wally and Nancy have three children and 14 grandchildren.
Links:
https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dr-wally-a-fresh-view-on-gospel-living/id1543963177
https://latterdaysaintmag.com/author/wallace-goddard/
Insights:
Dave: We need to be healers not preachers.
Liz: Focus on the eighty percent with Heart
Wally: The willingness to see goodness in your partner gets you more goodness.
Invites:
- Get curious. Ask your partner in humility why they do something differently. Listen
sincerely and without judgement. - Make a list of 50 different qualities you appreciate in your partner.
- Decide to stop criticizing a specific behavior, quality, or attribute of your partner.
Choose to accept them as they are right now, instead of trying to change them.
Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:
StrongerMarriage.org
podcast.strongermarriage.org
Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelife
TikTok: @strongermarriagelifeDr. Dave Schramm:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU
Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579
Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642
Dr. Liz Hale:
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
- Get curious. Ask your partner in humility why they do something differently. Listen
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Saving Your Marriage Before It Starts | Dr. Les Parrott | #16
What are the most important things couples need to know before they get married? Dave and Liz discuss with Dr. Les Parrott advice for newlyweds, engaged couples or married people based off of years of research and working with couples.
Time Stamps:
About Les Parrott:
Dr Les Parrott is a clinical psychologist and professor of psychology at Northwest University. He and his wife, Leslie – a marriage and family therapist – are founders of the Center for Healthy Relationships on the campus of Olivet University.
Married in 1984, the Parrott’s speak together in a wide array of venues, from churches to
Fortune 500 company board rooms. The Governor of Oklahoma even appointed the Parrott’s as the first ever statewide Marriage Ambassadors.
The Parrott’s have been featured in USA Today and the New York Times. Their television
appearances include CNN, The View, The O’Reilly Factor, The Today Show and Oprah.Les Parrott Links:
Insights:
The power of marriage is shown through the dual cooperation, ownership, respect and
empathy for the marriage. Each partner must put in the work to grow with the other and
develop themselves along the way. Doing this can be difficult, therefore, it is imperative to seek out help from researched and valued resources available.Invites:
- Submit a list of six questions that you would like to answer on Loveology.com.
2. Read the Parrott’s book and develop three things you can your partner can do to help
your marriage continue to thrive.
3. Write down one thing about conflict with your partner that you want to improve
because you feel it is unfair for your partner. Make a plan of how to master it and
implement it in your next conflict
Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:
StrongerMarriage.org
podcast.strongermarriage.org
Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelife
TikTok: @strongermarriagelifeDr. Dave Schramm:
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU
Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579
Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642
Dr. Liz Hale:
See omnystudio.com/listener for privacy information.
- Submit a list of six questions that you would like to answer on Loveology.com.