Stronger Marriage Connection

On todays’ episode, Dr. Dave and Dr. Liz welcome Richard and Linda Eyre back on the show to shed some light on grandparenting and how to make your marriage thrive as empty nesters. Richard and Linda share some powerful tips and tools from their online course and community called grandparenting101.com so that you can prepare now for this exciting phase of life!

Timestamps:
0:00 – Introduction: Who are Richard & Linda Eyre?
2:44 – “Gray Divorce” & why the divorce rate has gone down in recent years
4:39 – The dynamics and chemistry of the relationship change when it’s just you two again
6:19 – Creating a new vision statement for your marriage when the kids are gone
7:47 – Being a team as grandparents helps your marriage to thrive
9:28 – The time when the kids are gone may be longer than the time when the kids are there
11:21 – Look forward to empty nesting by planning things to do together; see it as an opportunity to focus on eachother again
13:07 – When couples have joint projects they thrive together
16:50 – Going your separate ways on grandparenting will only create divisions
18:17 – Monthly meeting with your children about how to grandparent their children
20:08 – Using zoom to stay connected & talk about how to support grandchildren
22:03 – Renewing your commitment to each other in this new phase & writing it down
23:13 – What can couples do now to prepare for & strengthen their marriage as empty nesters?
25:32 – Write down things you adore & appreciate about the other person
27:09 – Grandparenting101.com - an online community for grandparents
30:51 – Don’t just be a grandparent, be a grand husband or a grand wife
33:00 – Richard & Linda’s takeaway - live life in the present & remember why you married your spouse

About Richard & Linda Eyre:
Richard and Linda Eyre are the parents of nine children and are among the most popular speakers in the world on parenting and families. They've presented in more than 45 countries and are New York Times best selling authors of numerous books on parenting couples and families. The Eyres have been frequent guests on national network shows including Oprah, the Today Show, Primetime Live, 60 minutes, Good Morning America, and once did regular segments on the CBS Early Show. Their parenting website valuesparenting.com provides ideas,
guidance and creative programs for families throughout the world, including programs on grandparenting and empty nest parenting.

Richard & Linda Eyre Links:
   -    www.valuesparenting.com
   -    www.grandparenting101.com
   -    Books: The 8 Myths of Marriage, Being a Proactive Grandfather,
         The Happiness Paradox
   -    Social Media: @richardlindaeyre
   -    Email: Richardmeyre@gmail.com

Insights:
Richard: How well your marriage is doing in your senior years is directly related to how proactive you are as a grandparent
Linda: Sometimes the things that bother you the most about your spouse are the things that you love the most, if you really stop and think about it.
Liz: If we fail to plan then we plan to fail
Dave: Having both grandparents on board will strengthen their relationship

Invites:
   ●    Start talking about what you want your marriage to look like after the kids are gone. Create a new vision statement and write it down.
   ●    Grandparents - go to dinner with your children, who are parents, and discuss how you four can work together to support their kids. What do they want your help on? What don’t they? Work as a four person team for the benefit of the kids.
   ●    Renew your vows in some way. Recommit to each other in this new stage of life you are in. Write them down and remind yourself of them as you move through this phase of life together.
   ●    Write down things you adore about your partner and your kids. What are you grateful for about them? What do you appreciate them for?

Listen in as Dr. Dave and Dr. Liz sit down with Emil Harker, a respected therapist and
talented author, to give you some practical tips and tools for turning conflict into connection and closeness. By following a few powerful principles, we all have the ability to use inevitable conflict for good in our relationships.

Timestamps:

0:00 – Introduction: Who is Emil Harker?
3:19 – Conflict is inevitable - tips for dealing with it in the moment
5:40 – Handling situations so you feel good and your partner loves you more
7:29 – Assuming good intent - hijacking the limbic system
10:18 – They want to feel good, they want you to feel good, and they’re doing the best they can.
13:34 – Really taking the time to understand your partner’s behavior
15: 38 – Criticisms are a catalyst for conflict
18:02 – Addressing criticisms by agreeing with the element of truth
21:15 – Responding to attacks - criticism, questions, declarations, commands
24:08 – “The Betrayed CEO” - how the fundamental attribution error hurts us
30:23 – Bad things happen, how we handle them will either make or break us
32:48 – Understanding the crap out of your partner - validating their emotional experience
34:41 – Problems aren’t the problem, how we handle the problems are the problem
36:15 – The process creates connection, not the solution
38:20 – The key to a stronger marriage: develop the ability to seek, receive, and respond to feedback
40:37 – Make your marriage a priority
42:56 – Liz’s takeaway: conflict can either be constructive or destructive, it is up to us
43:44 – Dave’s takeaway: Remember who your partner really is - find the message behind the mess

About Emil Harker:
Emil has been doing therapy for almost 20 years. He is passionate about getting through the fluffy stuff to the real nuts and bolts that help people turn inevitable conflict into closeness. He has been on Channel 2 Fresh living program for over 10 years and is a frequent expert guest on podcasts, and radio and tv programs. Emil has worked with NBA, UFC, and NFL athletes. He has his own podcast called The Emil Show and his book “You Can Turn Conflict into Closeness” has been well received by professional therapists and couples alike.

Emil Harker Links:
- emilharker@gmail.com
- https://www.emilharker.com
- on social media @emilharker
- podcast: The Emil Show
- books: You Can Turn Conflict Into Closeness

Insights:

Dave: When we view others differently, we start treating them differently. It’s a powerful
paradigm shift.

Liz: My mantra to myself and to my spouse is: “I give you permission to not be perfect and I will still love you”.

Emil: If the process is what we are devoted to, then no matter what issues we have we will never have to compromise on the closeness and companionship of the intimate relationship.

Invites:

   ●    Before responding to a critical attack from your partner, try to practice “agreeing with the element of truth” by owning your flaws and acknowledge what is true in that
moment. Although it’s natural, try not to get defensive. This only feeds our insecurities.

   ●    Practice getting feedback from your partner and responding to it in a positive way. You could do this by asking what they might need you to do differently during conflict and
then thanking them for their honesty.

   ●      Make your marriage a priority by focusing on connection rather than the solution during conflict. You could do this by validating your partner’s emotional experience or taking the time to try to understand their behavior before responding to their criticisms.

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:

Strongermarriage.org

podcast.strongermarriage.org

Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelife
TikTok: @strongermarriagelife

Dr. Dave Schramm:

https://drdaveschramm.com

https://drdavespeaks.com

Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU

Facebook Marriage Group:https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579

Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642

Dr. Liz Hale:

http://www.drlizhale.com/

Join in today on the Stronger Marriage podcast as Dave and Liz sit down with Mark Ogletree, a professional marriage and family educator, to guide you through how to not just survive, but thrive in your marriage. Whether you’re a fiance, newlywed, or long-time spouse, these tips apply to all couples and are sure to help you strengthen your relationship.

Timestamps:

0:40 – Introduction: Who is Mark Ogletree?
3:31 – Why would couples who are in love benefit from premarital education?
4:55 – Discovering more about each other through relationship assessments
6:57 – Great conversations to have before marriage
8:26 – The 12 core traits to build a marriage on
10:04 – Topics to discuss when engaged, newlywed, or at least in the first year of marriage
12:16 – It doesn’t matter what they think - It is what’s best for you
14:40 – Expectations - verbalizing and discovering them through relationship assessments
16:43 – #1 core belief that needs alignment in order to build a successful marriage and family
19:21 – Is it normal for engaged couples to get irritated with each other?
22:27 – Research shows that every couple will have about 10 things they just can’t resolve - and
that is okay
23:49 – Red flags that may urge you to hit the brakes
25:51 – Addictions, extreme views, lying, cheating, narcissism
28:00 – How does your partner get along with your family? How do they feel about your
partner?
30:38 – How they treat their mom may reflect how they will treat you one day
32:29 – Negative effects of phones/social media on marriage and family relationships
34:26 – Topics that couples often struggle with in the first year of marriage
35:40 – First year of marriage is an opportunity to decide what kind of team you’ll be
37:52 – Common areas of adjustment for newlyweds
40:40 – Comparison is the thief of joy
42:45 – Principle of reciprocity between couples and in-laws
45:42 – Keeping up the practices that caused you to fall in love - talk and time rituals
48:27 – Mark’s take away - love and affection looks different for everyone
50:15 – Liz’s take away - what is fun for you may not be fun for them
50:40 – Dave’s take away - humility, being open to change, expecting respect

About Mark Ogletree:
Mark is a professional educator, having taught for over 20 years in the Church’s seminary and institute program. Since 2010, he has worked as a professor in the department of Church History and Doctrine at Brigham Young University. He is also a licensed professional counselor, having worked with individuals, couples, and families for the past 30 years. Mark is the author of books and articles on topics ranging from marriage, family, and contemporary Church history. He has also been a regular presenter at Brigham Young University’s Education Week for the past 20 years. Mark and his wife Janie have been married for 35 years. They are the parents of eight
children, and 22 grandchildren. Mark and Janie love spending time with their children and grandchildren, traveling, and spending time on the lake.

Mark Ogletree’s Links:
www.markogletree.com

www.preservingfamilies.org

Preserving Families podcast

Books: Babysitters Are Cheaper Than Divorces and So You’re in Love, Now What?

Insights:
Dave: Comparison is the thief of joy
Liz: It is absolutely normal for engaged couples to get irritated with each other
Mark: Anytime a couple can work out conflict, that’s a healthy relationship

Invites:
  -   Whether you're engaged or newlywed, sit down with your partner and discuss at least three of the topics mentioned by Mark Ogletree. Examples could be finances, intimacy, or in-laws. Having these conversations will ensure that you and your partner are on the same page.

  -   Alone or with your significant other, take the free RELATE assessment on the Utah
Marriage Commission website to evaluate and gain a better understanding of your
relationship. At the end, choose one meaningful discussion question and have a
conversation about it with your partner.

  -   Never stop dating your spouse! Write notes, surprise each other, send sweet texts,
compliment and praise one another like you did before you were married. Keep doing
what made you fall in love in the first place.

  -  Decide with your partner what some good “talk and time together rituals” would work
for you as a couple. Whether it’s going on walks at night just the two of you or havingtime alone in the morning before the kids wake up to plan the day ahead. Make these
rituals an important part of your daily connection.

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:

Strongermarriage.org

podcast.strongermarriage.org

Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelife
TikTok: @strongermarriagelife

Dr. Dave Schramm:

https://drdaveschramm.com

https://drdavespeaks.com

Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU

Facebook Marriage Group:https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579

Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642

Dr. Liz Hale:

http://www.drlizhale.com/

On today’s episode Dave and Liz invite Dr. Bill Doherty, internationally recognized marriage expert, back to the Stronger Marriage Connection podcast to discuss the power of discernment counseling. Join us to learn how couples facing crisis can avoid divorce and strengthen their marriage by utilizing discernment.

Timestamps:

0:40 – Introduction: Who is Bill Doherty?
3:12 – Why traditional therapy may not work for ambivalent couples
5:04 – Mixed agenda couples
7:05 – Goals of discernment counseling: clarity and confidence
9:50 – Navigating the three paths of discernment counseling
12:37 – Discernment counseling testimonials
14:57 – An assessment of discernment counselors
17:36 – Where should I put my effort in my relationship?
18:59 – Change in the marital relationship
20:07 – The benefit of a “solid self”
21:40 – How often are people thinking about divorce?
24:26 – Co-creating our marriages
25:05 – How to bring up that your marriage is in trouble without condemning your partner?
26:57 – Vulnerability without attack
30:48 – Assessing divorce ambivalence
33:16 – Insights into divorce
34:44 – Where can I go for help with discernment counseling?
36:49 – What to look for in a therapist
38:58 – What should I expect in a therapy session?
40:24 – Divorce can be avoided if approached with humility, commitment, & compassion
40:56 – Divorce ideation is relatively common - it doesn’t mean you’re doomed
42:09 – Accountability & responsibility make a difference in relationships

About Dr. Bull Doherty:

Bill Doherty is a Professor in the Department of Family Social Science at the University of Minnesota. A long-time marriage and family therapist, he is an expert on challenges couples face in the modern world, on navigating marital crisis and avoiding divorce, and on using family rituals to enhance the quality of family life. His books for the public include The Intentional Family and Take Back Your Marriage. In recent years, Bill has taken this couple's work to the national level via co-founding Braver Angels, an initiative working to decrease the politicalpolarization that is dividing the country. Among his awards is the Lifetime Achievement Award from the American Family Therapy Academy.

Dr. Bill Doherty Links:
https://www.moderncommitment.com

Invites:

      ●   If you are the “leaning in” spouse, bring your best self forward to the crisis by really trying to hear and understand the pain your partner is in. Denial, begging, and/or pleading will not work in discernment counseling. To do this, write down one way you can improve conflict with your partner and provide a plan for change.

      ●   Sit down with your partner this week and determine the state of your relationship. How are things going? Could they be better? How can you strengthen your current connection?

      ●   If you determine you are in need of therapy, choose a therapist or counselor who provides structure and connection and is supportive of marriage and commitment.

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:

Strongermarriage.org

podcast.strongermarriage.org

Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelife
TikTok: @strongermarriagelife

Dr. Dave Schramm:

https://drdaveschramm.com

https://drdavespeaks.com

Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU

Facebook Marriage Group:https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579

Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642

Dr. Liz Hale:

http://www.drlizhale.com/

Geoff Steurer, MS, LMFT joins Dr. Dave and Dr. Liz to discuss betrayal trauma and the three A’s: abuse, affairs and addiction. Geoff shares some great tips to help both partners through the challenges and struggles of the trauma that is often the result.

Timestamps:

0:00 – Introduction: Who is Geoff Steurer?
2:33 – Why  Steurer chose to focus on such a specific area
4:44 – When parents can do better, they are the ultimate help for children
6:00 – The three A’s
6:15 – Abuse – what do you say to individuals who deal with this?
7:23 – Power differential within abuse
8:43 – First steps to dealing with abuse
12:58 – Suggestion for those on the outside
17:42 – Affairs – about 20% of men & 13% of women
18:40 – You are not crazy for feeling hurt
20:30 – Understanding both sides of the hurt
22:53 – Recommendations for those on the outside
26:30 – 70-80% of marriages make it through it
28:48 – Addiction – can marriages survive?
29:10 – It is important to be open about it
32:18 – How to respond when being confronted about addiction
34:44 – Resources
35:46 – What creates a stronger marriage
37:58 – Takeaway

About Geoff Steurer:

Geoff Steurer has a passionate commitment to helping couples rebuild their
relationships from crisis to connection. He specializes in helping couples and individuals
affected by the trauma of sexual betrayal. He understands how exhilarating and stressful
marriage can be and works hard at his own marriage. His goal is to show couples how his work will pay off in their own lives.

Steurer specializes in Emotionally Focused Couples Therapy, treating pornography and
sexual addictions, infidelity, men's issues, anxiety, depression, anger management, and
family therapy. He is the co-author of "Love You, Hate the Porn", creator of the "Trust
Building Bootcamp", host of the podcast, "From Crisis to Connection", and author of a
weekly online Q&A column.

Geoff Steurer Links:
https://www.geoffsteurer.com/

https://www.geoffsteurer.com/podcast

https://www.facebook.com/GeoffSteurerMFT

https://www.instagram.com/geoffsteurer/

Insights:

Dave: Reach out, reach out for help and find someone you trust to speak with.

Liz: Hope. There is so much to be hopeful about. Believe in marriage and look at the other side.

Geoff: Learn to see the other person as someone who is different than you are.

Invites:
     - Learn how to stay close to your partner so you can find your way back to each other
       when dealing with betrayal and trauma
     - Don’t be afraid of the truth, your marriage can handle it
     - Recognize that there are a lot of people who struggle with these things, do not feel
       ashamed. Get help and know you are not alone.
     - Take the 12 week self-guided online course if you have broken someone’s trust.

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:

Strongermarriage.org

podcast.strongermarriage.org

Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelife
TikTok: @strongermarriagelife

Dr. Dave Schramm:

https://drdaveschramm.com

https://drdavespeaks.com

Facebook:https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU

Facebook Marriage Group:https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579

Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642

Dr. Liz Hale:

http://www.drlizhale.com/

On today’s episode, Dave and Liz discuss some New Year’s resolutions that couples can make to intentionally strengthen their relationships. Whether you want to create more fun and adventure in your marriage or slow down and have more alone time with your partner, listen in for some life-changing tips and tools you can use to improve your marriage in 2023.

Time Stamps:

0:00 – Introduction: Dave & Liz
2:12 – Common New Year's resolutions
4:27 – Improving relationships in the new year
6:41 – Relationship regrets; looking back and moving forward
8:45 – Commitment; removing the threat of divorce
10:57 – Bringing fun and adventure into the ordinary
12:37 – The law of least effort and the law of little things
14:33 – When schedules are off
16:05 – Exercising together as a couple
18:32 – Celebrating small wins and sharing the good news
20:44 – Saying yes more often
22:22 – Small acts of kindness
24:34 – Terms of endearment
26:02 – Conflict management, soft start up, aiming to understand
28:39 – How mantras can change the situation
30:21 – The power of pausing; respond instead of react
32:00 – Using a system to manage finances
34:48 – Having no secrets in your relationship
36:04 – Everyday, every moment is a chance to have a do over
36:20 – Intentionality; expressions of gratitude, compassion, and kindness are the lifeblood of relationships.

Insights:

Dave: The big picture for me is that people are more important than problems.

Liz: Regrets are not the end of the world. We don't want to have no regrets, because regrets teach us what we value the most.

Invites:

   ●    Liz encourages couples to try to put their arguments to rest or at least come to a truce within an hour and certainly within the day. Do not let things go on past the day - the faster the better.

   ●    Be less reactive and more responsive. Part of that is watching your temper, your tongue, and your tone. Dave encourages that it’s okay to feel intense feelings but don’t follow them as far as to react to them.

   ●    Aim to understand. Even if you don’t agree, try to see the situation from your partner's perspective, creating more compassion. In your mind, try to come up with three reasons why they might be right.

   ●    Even if you disagree with someone, you don't have to confront them. You don't have to bring it up. Relationships can significantly improve if one or both partners would leave some things left unsaid.

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:

StrongerMarriage.org
podcast.strongermarriage.org
Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelife
TikTok: @strongermarriagelife

Dr. Dave Schramm:
https://drdaveschramm.com
https://drdavespeaks.com

Facebook:
https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU

Facebook Marriage Group:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579

Facebook Parenting Group:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642

Dr. Liz Hale:
http://www.drlizhale.com/

Dr. Wally Goddard joins Liz & Dave to explore how humility, curiosity, and understanding are at the heart of true human connection. As we refine our own character, we perceive our partner with new eyes and experience true joy in our relationship. Listen in to understand how irritation can be an invitation.

Time stamps:

0:00 – Introduction: Who is Dr. Wally Goddard?
1:14 – Welcome
2:22 – Tell us about your book “Discoveries”
3:25 – What do you love about helping people flourish?
4:24 – The paradox of self-love
7:40 – Skills vs. heart in relationships
9:21 – Irritation is an invitation
11:17 – Looking inward
11:53 – Get curious
12:10 – Why is asking your partner to change ineffective?
13:49 – Focus on the eighty percent
19:05– The design of life is growth
20:01 – The value of understanding
22:10 – Get peaceful
25:10 – Humility and Heart
26:25 – Deep curiosity
28:15 – What is the key to a stronger marriage connection?
31:00 – Self-awareness & compassion
32:22 – Where can I find Wally?
33:24 – Wally’s Takeaway
34:02 – Liz’s Takeaway
34:22 – Dave’s Takeaway
35:19 – Be a healer
36:28 – Thanks

About Dr. Wally Goddard:

After receiving a PhD in Family and Human Development from
Utah State University, Wally was a Professor at Auburn University and later at the University of Arkansas. He created many award-winning programs on personal well-being, marriage, and parenting.

Wally created and hosted Guiding Children Successfully, a television series for PBS. He has written, edited, or co-authored several books including Discoveries, Between Parent and Child, Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage, The Soft-Spoken Parent, and Finding Joy in Family Life. In 2010, he won the national award for Outstanding Family Life Educator.

Wally and Nancy have three children and 14 grandchildren.

Links:

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/dr-wally-a-fresh-view-on-gospel-living/id1543963177

https://latterdaysaintmag.com/author/wallace-goddard/

Insights:

Dave: We need to be healers not preachers.

Liz: Focus on the eighty percent with Heart

Wally: The willingness to see goodness in your partner gets you more goodness.

Invites:

• Get curious. Ask your partner in humility why they do something differently. Listen
  sincerely and without judgement.
• Make a list of 50 different qualities you appreciate in your partner.
• Decide to stop criticizing a specific behavior, quality, or attribute of your partner.
  Choose to accept them as they are right now, instead of trying to change them.

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:

StrongerMarriage.org
podcast.strongermarriage.org
Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelife
TikTok: @strongermarriagelife

Dr. Dave Schramm:

https://drdaveschramm.com

https://drdavespeaks.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU

Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579

Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642

Dr. Liz Hale:

http://www.drlizhale.com/

What are the most important things couples need to know before they get married? Dave and Liz discuss with Dr. Les Parrott advice for newlyweds, engaged couples or married people based off of years of research and working with couples.

Time Stamps:

0:00 – Introduction: Who is Les Parrott?
1:00 – Les Parrot’s book: “Saving your Marriage Before it Starts.”
5:40 – SYMBIS assessment
6:40 – Lowering the divorce rate
8:32 – PREPARE/ENRICH assessment
11:29 – The unspoken “rules” in marriage
14:20 – The Relationship Laboratory
15:08 – Should my spouse make me whole?
18:00 – Developing the habit of happiness
19:30 – How do I adjust to things beyond my control?
27:05 – How do gender differences affect relationships?
32:08 – Mastering conflict and fighting fair
36:30 – CORE: cooperation, ownership, respecting and empathy
38:17 – Honeymoon habits
40:47 – Les Parrot’s resources
44:10 – Empathy as the single most important relationship skills

About Les Parrott:

Dr Les Parrott is a clinical psychologist and professor of psychology at Northwest University. He and his wife, Leslie – a marriage and family therapist – are founders of the Center for Healthy Relationships on the campus of Olivet University.

Married in 1984, the Parrott’s speak together in a wide array of venues, from churches to
Fortune 500 company board rooms. The Governor of Oklahoma even appointed the Parrott’s as the first ever statewide Marriage Ambassadors.

The Parrott’s have been featured in USA Today and the New York Times. Their television
appearances include CNN, The View, The O’Reilly Factor, The Today Show and Oprah.

Les Parrott Links:

https://loveology.org/

https://www.betterlove.com/

Less Parrott Books

Insights:

The power of marriage is shown through the dual cooperation, ownership, respect and
empathy for the marriage. Each partner must put in the work to grow with the other and
develop themselves along the way. Doing this can be difficult, therefore, it is imperative to seek out help from researched and valued resources available.

Invites:

1. Submit a list of six questions that you would like to answer on Loveology.com.
   2. Read the Parrott’s book and develop three things you can your partner can do to help
   your marriage continue to thrive.
   3. Write down one thing about conflict with your partner that you want to improve
   because you feel it is unfair for your partner. Make a plan of how to master it and
   implement it in your next conflict

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:

StrongerMarriage.org
podcast.strongermarriage.org
Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelife
TikTok: @strongermarriagelife

Dr. Dave Schramm:

https://drdaveschramm.com

https://drdavespeaks.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU

Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579

Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642

Dr. Liz Hale:

http://www.drlizhale.com/

In today’s episode, Richard and Linda Eyre discuss their latest book, The 8 Myths of Marriaging; enlightening relationship truths that dispelling common myths that can harm marital connection. Join the conversation and see how you can strengthen your marital connection by dismissing these myths.

0:00 – Introduction: Who is Richard & Linda Eyre?
2:20 – Richard and Linda’s first marital book: The 8 Myths of Marriaging.
3:00 – What is Marriaging?
4:05 – Making marriage a verb and replacing myths with truth
5:10 – Myth #1: The clone myth
7:59 – How are we resolving conflict in our relationship?
9:50 – Myth #2: No waves myth
10:55 – Unexpressed feelings never die: the importance of discussing conflict with your partner
11:40 – Marriage advice revisited
14:12 – Weekly marriage meetings
16:49 – Myth #3: The independence myth
17:45 – Interdependence vs. Codependence
19:20 – What is the basic unit of society?
20:58 – Myth #4: The equality myth
23:20 – Developing relational “oneness”
24:44 – Myth #5: The achievement myth
27:20 – What is our relationship goal?
28:02 – What is the secret to a stronger marriage connection?
29:35 – The power of commitment in marriage
32:35 – Whose happiness do you have more control over in marriage?
33:08 – Insights

About Richard & Linda:
Richard and Linda Eyre are the parents of nine children and are among the most popular
speakers in the world on parenting and families. They have presented in more than 45 countries and are New York Times best-selling authors of numerous books on parenting, couples, and families. They have been frequent guests on national network shows such as Oprah, The Today Show, Prime Time Live, 60 Minuets, Good Morning America and more. Their parenting website, valuesparenting.com, provides ideas, guidance, and creative programs for families throughout the world.

Richard and Linda Links:
https://valuesparenting.com
https://valuesparenting.com/grandparenting101/
The 8 Myths of Marriaging book link

Insights:
Dave: Give more and do not keep score within your relationship.
Liz: We are powerful, we have the power to hurt or to help our partners.
Richard: Commitment, make it total, make it eternal.
Linda: Love it, feel the joy of your relationship. Remember that you’re having fun and it is a joyful experience to be committed to someone.

Invites:
1. Plan a weekly marriage meeting with your partner. Text them right now to plan a time
you can both sit down each week and connect on what needs improvement.
2. Read the 8 Myths of Marriaging book to find out the other three myths of marriaging and how you can safeguard your relationship.
3. Take time out for your relationship and enroll in Richard and Linda’s course for
parenting and marriaging.

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:
StrongerMarriage.org
podcast.strongermarriage.org
Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelife
TikTok: @strongermarriagelife

Dr. Dave Schramm:
https://drdaveschramm.com
https://drdavespeaks.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU
Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579
Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642

Dr. Liz Hale:
http://www.drlizhale.com/

Betrayal during the holiday season can cause feelings of joy and celebration to turn sour. However, there is hope. Dr. Jill Manning joins Liz to share her expertise in navigating the holidays after betrayal. Get cozy and tune in for a recipe for holiday healing.

Time stamps:

0:00 – Introduction: Who is Dr. Jill Manning?
1:25 – Welcome Dr. Jill Manning.
1:50 – Managing the Holidays after betrayal.
3:58 – What are the types of loss and betrayal?
5:50 – Why is betrayal so devastating?
7:46 – The First Step to Healing.
11:45 – Let Feelings Flow.
13:39 – Physiological Responses to betrayal.
14:31 – No feelings at all?
15:17 – Simplify and Slow Down.
16:29 – An invitation.
17:00 – A journal.
17:39 – A batch of honesty.
18:20 – A recipe for holiday healing.
18:53 – Deep honesty is sacred ground.
19:40 – How do I honor self-care?
22:52 – Dr. Jill’s self-care.
23:59 – Deepening the meaning of holidays.
26:53 – Integrating healing in holidays
29:05 – Who should we reveal our pain too?
30:15 – Advice for allies.
32:18 – Dr. Jill’s Takeaway

About Dr. Jill Manning:

Dr. Jill Manning is a licensed marriage and family therapist who specializes in working with individuals who have been sexually betrayed through infidelity or compulsive sexual behavior. For over two decades, her work has been featured in numerous peer-reviewed research journals, television programs, documentaries, radio shows, podcasts, and magazine articles, including The Oprah Magazine. While serving as a Social Science Fellow at the Heritage Foundation in Washington, D.C., she was invited to testify as an expert before a US Senate sub-committee about the harms of pornography on the family. She is the author of “What’s the Big Deal about Pornography: A Guide for the Internet Generation” and has spoken out on the harms of pornography on college campuses around the country, including Princeton, Yale, Harvard, and Notre Dame. She currently serves on the Board of Directors for The Institute for Mental Health Professional Standards based in Denver. A native of Calgary, Alberta, Canada, she
currently lives in Colorado with her husband and two daughters.

Links:

http://www.drjillmanning.com/

@drjillmanning

To increase access to betrayal-trauma-specific resources, Dr. Manning produces digital downloads that allow therapists, coaches, and individuals all over the world to integrate high-quality and affordable digital resources into their professional work with betrayed clients or their own self-care efforts. Dr. Manning provided us with some of these pdfs but asked that we refer our guests to her site at the link
below:

Digital downloads, including several free printables, may be found at:
https://drjillmanning.com/digital-downloads/

Insights:

Dr. Jill Manning: There is hope after betrayal.

Invites:

• Think of one holiday tradition or practice that brings you meaning and helps you feel connected and choose two holiday traditions to let go of for the time while you are healing.
• Start small and customize your self-care by body mapping. Visualize your body head to toe, and ask yourself how is stress manifesting itself in your body? Go through the list and develop a self-care task to address each stress reaction.
• Download the CALM app and try one guided meditation.

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:

StrongerMarriage.org

podcast.strongermarriage.org

Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelife
TikTok: @strongermarriagelife

Dr. Dave Schramm:

https://drdaveschramm.com

https://drdavespeaks.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU

Facebook Marriage Group:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579

Facebook Parenting Group:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642

Dr. Liz Hale:

http://www.drlizhale.com/

In today’s episode, Dr. Staley discusses how to develop purpose in life during and after compulsive sexual behavior usage, AKA pornography. Join us today as we discuss strategies of hope in recovery for spouses, parents and viewers of pornography,

*Trigger warning* Today’s episode dives into a discussion about the harmful effects of pornography on oneself and the marriage connection. We recognize this topic is sensitive for many and can be triggering for some. We also recognize that professional scholars have differing perspectives when it comes to pornography, or even using the term addiction. Our interview with Dr. Staley is one perspective on pornography and we hope today’s episode will provide you with helpful insights on this issue. 

Time Stamps:

0:00 –Introduction: Who is Cameron Staley
2:19 –Pornography Addiction: Altering our terminology
4:40 –Finding true connection
6:25 –Are women responsible for managing men’s sexual behavior?
8:45 –Using more appropriate terminology: “Compulsive sexual behavior”
9:30 –Short-term satisfaction vs long-term emotional intelligence with pornography and masturbation
10:52 –The river analogy: kids and pornography
13:16 –Can we control our urge to view pornography?
15:00 –Emotions associated with pornography
17:10 –Managing emotional stress in relationships where one is viewing pornography
19:13 –Focusing on what part of yourself you want to grow
20:47 –Profiles of porn viewers: Are the stereotypes correct?
22:40 –An alternative to shaming your partner who’s struggling with porn
24:48 –At what age does porn viewing typically start?
26:36 –Compulsive sexual behavior as a coping mechanism for underlying mental health concerns, including trauma.
29:00 –Staying aware of your children’s struggles and building a precedent of communication
30:20 –Are phone filters an excuse to avoid having conversations with our kids?
32:33 –How should we react when our kids tell us they saw porn?
33:34 –ACT: Acceptance Commitment Therapy
35:50 –Additional resources: Life After Porn app, The Happiness Trap book, Life After Pornography program, therapy with Dr. Staley
39:05 –Acceptance and Commitment practices
41:26 –Developing a life with meaning and purpose
42:30 –Commitment –behavior in line with values
43:55 –The things that matter most are just on the other side of discomfort
45:40 –Hope and healing is available
46:10 –Feel it but don’t follow it –intentionally choosing to not follow the urge
46:44 –Where to find Dr. Staley and his resources

About Cameron Staley:

Dr. Cameron Staley is a clinical psychologist who is passionate about helping individuals improve their mental and sexual health. In his TEDX talk, Changing the Narrative Around the Addiction Story, Cameron shares details from his research and counseling experience regarding helpful ways to talk about sexuality and how to effectively reduce unwanted pornography viewing through Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). To make these principles more accessible to those who are struggling with pornography, he developed the Life After Pornography online program and the Life After Pornography Coach app. Cameron also provides online counseling services to residents of Utah and Idaho and coaching services for individuals seeking additional support in applying the mental and sexual health principles found in the Life After Series programs.

Links:

The Life After Series

https://www.instagram.com/thelifeafterseries/

https://www.facebook.com/Dr.CameronStaley

https://cameronstaley.com/

https://podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/the-life-after-series-podcast/id1499393371

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mNGg5SMcyhI

Life After Pornography App: https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.getyourmarriageon.lap&hl=en_US&gl=US&pli=1

Insights:

Dave: Feel it but don’t follow it –intentionally choosing to not follow the urge. Dave illustrates that pornography users have the ability to overcome the urge and empower themselves to fight harmful behaviors.

Liz: Though compulsive sexual behavior is so prevalent hope for healing is still available.

Cameron: The things that matter most are just on the other side of discomfort. Putting forth the effort to be uncomfortable and progress will lead to a world of happiness. 

Invites:

   1.   For Parents: Open the lines of communication with your children. When you witness pornography in your home open up a conversation with your children immediately about what they say, how it made them feel, and why the producers of that content decided to use that marketing strategy.

   2.   If you haven’t talked to your partner about pornography, find a time to do so. Sit down and ask about their experience with pornography and how it has affected their lives. Discuss your own experience with pornography.

   3.   If you are seeking recovery and hope, download the Life After Pornography app or find counseling with Dr. Staley or a professional near you. Hope is available through intentionality, take the time to be intentional by seeking long-term emotional intelligence over short-term satisfaction. 

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:

StrongerMarriage.org

podcast.strongermarriage.org

Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org

Instagram: @strongermarriagelife

TikTok: @strongermarriagelife

Dr. Dave Schramm:

https://drdaveschramm.com

https://drdavespeaks.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU

Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579

Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642

Dr. Liz Hale: http://www.drlizhale.com/

People are more important than problems. In this week’s episode, Dr. Dave and Dr. Liz dive into the deep end of the relationship pool. Using the metaphor of a swimming pool, they discuss the importance of maintenance and consistently adding cups of connection. They share 8“D’s of Disconnection”-how to become more aware of these threats to couple connection and how to tackle them with intentionality. 

0:00 – Introduction
1:15 – Today we will talk about things that can often disconnect us as couples
2:53 – We aren’t perfect and are still working on this
4:15 – What Dave would share with teens
5:30 – Relationship pool of connection –swimming pool metaphor
6:30 – Cups of connection
7:45 – All pools need maintenance
8:36 – Keep the intentionality in your connection
11:27 – The 8D’s of Disconnection
11:54 – 1. Drifting
13:24 – 2. Darts and daggers
15:48 – 3. Disruptions
17:58 – 4. Distance –emotional and physical
20:14 – 5. Destructive decisions –decisions without discussion
22:49 – 6. Disagreement and defensiveness –think about the patterns
25:42 – 7. Daily hassles–the messiness of life
27:00 – Hit delete-people over problems
27:13 – 8. Last D –digital distractions
31:20 – Takeaways

Insights:

Dave: Remember to be more intentional, think about those things you need to work on and be mindfully aware. Don’t go automatic, be aware of the things that are taking away from your connection.

Liz: Put people over your problems, remember what is important.

Invites:

   -   Talk with your partner about your current relationship pool, what needs maintenance? How can you add more cups of connection?
   -   Go over each “D of Disconnection” and discuss where you need work and make note of the places you are doing well.
   -   Be mindful in the things you are doing as a couple, stay intentional and remember to put people over the problem.

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:

StrongerMarriage.org
podcast.strongermarriage.org
Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelife

Dr. Dave Schramm:

https://drdaveschramm.com
https://drdavespeaks.com
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU
Facebook Marriage Group:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579
Facebook Parenting Group:
https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642

Dr. Liz Hale: http://www.drlizhale.com/

Couple named least likely to succeed in marriage, Casey & Meygan share their success story with Dave and Liz on this week’s episode of Strong Marriage Connection. Tune in to hear more about Marriage365,COVID’s impacts on marriage, and practical things you can do to improve your marriage. If you want to make a better marriage, make a better you.

0:00 – If you want to make a better marriage, make a better you.
0:40 -- Introduction: Who are Casey & Meygan Caston?
1:44 – Warm Welcome to Casey & Meygan Caston
3:12 – What if I can’t afford marital therapy?
6:10 – Living with Divorce.
6:54 -- Least likely married couple to succeed: Finding hope.
8:45 – Fight for your marriage: Make a better you.
11:30 – Personal growth & healthy boundaries.
13:02 – No quick fixes in marriage.
13:30 – What to look for in a good therapist?
15:20 – W. A. I. T.
17:37 – Build intimacy: Date night questions.
20:39 – Quality time& connection.
21:30 – Sixtysecond blessing.
24:20 – Sixty second blessing with kids.
25:18 – Celebrity marriages: Patrick Dempsey.
27:00 – Winners build strong marriages.
27:50 – Couple monthly check-ins.
30:35 – COVID’s impact on marriage.
32:55  – Healthy separation.
33:28 – Fights about COVID.
34:27 – Hope for the future.
35:00 – Unity begins in the family.
37:00 – Casey’s vision for the future.
38:25 – Marriage365app.
39:00 – Do something for your marriage.
38:28 – Healthy people make healthy marriages.
40:12 – Advice for singles.42:30 –Date well, marry well.
43:16 – Be teachable.
44:40 – Vulnerability matters.
45:30 – Advice for divorcees.
46:40 – Confidence is about trusting yourself.
47:00 – Healthy boundaries.
47:35 – Be sure to heal& forgive.
48:56 – Where can I find Casey & Meygan.
49:27 – Takeaways
50:04 – Meygan’s Takeaway: Progress
51:11 – Casey’s Takeaway: Reflection
52:30 – Liz’s Takeaway: Just One.
53:03 – Dave’s Takeaway: Intentionality
53:45 – Thank you!
54:30 –Connect with Casey & Meygan

About Casey & Meygan:

Casey and Meygan Castonwere the couple least likely to succeed in their marriage. After meeting in college, they fell in love fast and then said I do. But after only three years, they were headed straight for divorce. Their relationship had fallen apart. Communication was lost.Sex was non-existent. Their finances crumbled in the midst of the chaos and the worst part? They placed blame on each other for their bad marriage. But one thing they did agree on, they both didn't want to become another American divorce statistic.

The Castons began searching for ways to do marriage right. They surrounded themselves with healthy couples, experts, books, and got therapy to make a relational transformation. But they admit that it was a long and really difficult process to find resources that were affordable and convenient, so they decided to do something about it and founded Marriage365.

Visit Marriage365 to learn more about their membership program and newly released marriage app!

Links:

https://marriage365.com/
Happily Ever After pre-marital program
Marriage365 membership program
Marraige365 app

Insights:

Dave: Intentionally make time to connect. Plan Ahead!

Liz: It just takes one. One person can change the dance in marriage.

Meygan: There is always room for improvement, but that does mean perfection. Progress is better than nothing. Find just one thing you can do to improve. 

Casey: Be brave and spend time in reflection and ask: how is it working out? 

Invites:

   -   Implement the Sixty Second Blessing for 7 days with your spouse.
   -   Spend time in reflection: Ask yourself “how’s it working out?” and write down your answer.
   -   Take the first step to improve your marriage by visiting with a therapist. 

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:

StrongerMarriage.org

podcast.strongermarriage.org

Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org

Instagram: @strongermarriagelife

Dr. Dave Schramm:

https://drdaveschramm.com

https://drdavespeaks.com

Facebook :https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU

Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579

Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642

Dr. Liz Hale: http://www.drlizhale.com/

In this week’s episode, our expert guest, John Howard, talks about his book, More Than Words: The Science of Deepening Love and Connection in Any Relationship, and shares what neuroscience is teaching us about emphasizing connection over communication. With tips for parents and couples, John’s insights help the listener refocus on connection for the benefit of ourselves, our marriages, families, and society. Join us for the conversation and learn how to create a deeper connection in your marriage today. 

0:00 – Introduction: Who is John Howard?
2:37 – Brain science in couple’s therapy
3:37 – Communication is out and connection is in
6:12 – Connecting through vulnerability: Why won’t he talk to me?
8:08 – Connection Hacks AKA the language of the nervous system
9:30 – Our non-verbal communication speaks louder than words
9:55 – When NOT to have sensitive conversations?
11:35 – Moving beyond “I” statements to “we” statements
14:30 – Skills matter more than compatibility
17:55 – Simple strategies to connect with your partner
19:45 – Altering verbal communication into nonverbal connection
22:33 – Getting on the same level with my children
24:00 – Connect, direct, and then correct
24:45 – Bridging marital blind spots with my partner
25:54 – Having the humility to constantly be learning
27:20 – The personal strength that comes from healthily digesting feedback
29:33 – Is bad intent inherent in bad behavior?
32:45 – Seeing the world through your partner’s eyes: Merging societal polarization
35:34 – Introduction to John’s book More than Words.
39:29 – Refocusing your attention towards building connection
41:20 – Refrain from assigning intent to your partner
42:16 – How accepting diverse influences in life will benefit our connection
43:31 – The key to a stronger marriage connection

About:

John is a Cuban-American who grew up in New York City speaking Spanish. He didn't live with his parents as a kid and eventually left home at 15. After years of traveling and studying native traditions, John discovered the science of relationships as a powerful way to heal his own attachment wounds. He has taught the neuroscience of couples therapy at leading conferences, has trained thousands of therapists, and led a relationship wellness program for Google, Inc. He is the Founder of the Ready Set Love® line of courses for couples, the Founder of Presence Wellness, and teaches at the Dell Medical School in Austin, TX. In 2022, John released his book, More than Words that is high grossing on BookTok and expands on the principles John has taught in his lectures and in therapy for the entirety of his career.

Links:

getmorethanwords.com – Order John’s book here to receive bonus content (free chapter on attachment) and connect with John personally.

readysetlove.com

John Howard’s Podcast about his book More than Words

Insights:

John reminds us to be intentional with our attention –putting away our devices and distractions and really focusing on our partners. He indicates that one of the best ways to do this is by “stepping in the shoes” of our partner and practicing humility. Byrefraining from making assumptions about our partner, John illustrates that couples will grow stronger bonds that are focused on simple forms of connection and affirmations that will make all the difference to one’s relational satisfaction.

Invites:

  •  Practice nonverbal, primitive connection with your partner
       o    Sit with your partner and take turns holding each other in your lap without talking for 2 minutes.
       o    Sit across from each other and look into each other’s eyes without speaking
  •  Merge your marriage by taking the RELATE assessment with your partner. Have a discussion together after taking the assessment and learn how “to see it from your partner’s point of view.” Though how you view things, or do things, may be different, practice validating your partner’s point of view and discover a new way you can develop your relationship going forward. 
  •  Practice skills-based connection
        o    Discuss with your partner what you view as “bad behavior” and why. Establish ways you can remedy this kind of behavior together.
        o    Write in a journal entry what makes you compatible with your partner. What do you love about them? Also, highlight your differences. List five ways you can connect with your partner that illustrate your differences and will help you grow together. 
       o     Have a conversation with your partner about how to approach challenges in your relationship with greater intentionality and commitment. Develop strategies that will lead to conflict resolution and connection. For lots of great conflict resolution strategies and tools, take the ePREP course offered free to Utah residents by the Utah Marriage Commission or visit UMC’s Tiktok for quick conflict resolution tips.

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:

https://StrongerMarriage.org

https://podcast.strongermarriage.org

Facebook: https://facebook.com/StrongerMarriage

Instagram: @strongermarriagelife

Dr. Dave Schramm:

https://drdaveschramm.com

https://drdavespeaks.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU

Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579

Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642

Dr. LizHale: http://www.drlizhale.com/

What can I do today to make my partner’s life more worth living? In this week’s episode, Dave and Liz discuss the importance of celebrating anniversaries in our relationships. Marital drift happens to the best of us. Liz shares these 4 tips; be authentic, attentive, appreciative and affectionate for improving your connection and making anniversaries more meaningful.

0:00 – What can I do today to make my spouse’s life more worth living?
0:16 – The importance of celebrating anniversaries in your relationship
1:08 – UMC has just celebrated our 24-year anniversary
2:54 – Every day we get a chance at a due over
6:37 – There is so much of the picture behind closed doors
7:50 – What is grey divorce?
9:22 – Re-invent yourself after the kids leave
10:42 – Finding love again
12:01 – It’s a great time for reflection and renewal
14:47 – Involve your children
16:25 – We are modeling and teaching kids all the time
17:31 – The value of pre-marital couple counseling
18:26 – Sometimes we get a little too confident
18:50 – Take E-prep and RELATE questionnaire
19:40 – Be authentic
20:49 – Be attentive
22:21 – Be appreciative
24:48 – Be affectionate
26:15 – Takeaways

Insights:

Dave: It’s important for couples to come up with their own rituals or celebrations to create ways to connect.

Liz: I am grateful that my parents stayed married. They could have easily divorced but I am grateful they didn’t, they showed me what it takes. 

Invites:

   • Couple's conversation: Discuss the anniversaries that are important in your relationship and how you can be more intentional about how you celebrate them.
   •   Be authentic –Refrain from comparing your marriage to another. Celebrate what makes your marriage unique and then “vow to keep the vision alive.”
   •   Be attentive –Explore the following questions with your partner: “What was the best part of last year?” “What can we improve from the past year?” “What do you hope to see me do different in this next year?”
   •   Be appreciative –Create a couples’ gratitude journal. Take turns writing something you appreciate about your spouse and leave it out for them to read.
   •   Be affectionate –Talk with your partner about ways they would like you to express affection. What will you do to improve those areas?

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:

strongermarriage.org

https://podcast.strongermarriage.org

Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org
Instagram: @strongermarriagelife

Dr. Dave Schramm:
https://drdaveschramm.com
https://drdavespeaks.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU

Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579

Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642

Dr. Liz Hale: http://www.drlizhale.com/

Giving hope to struggling couples, Jeff Forte joins Dave & Liz to share how it is possible for anyone to develop an extraordinary marriage. John shares his own challenges with divorce and death and describes how couples can restore connection with presence.

0:00 – It’s possible for anyone to change, if you know how.
0:38 – Introduction: Who is Jeff Forte?
1:34 – Welcome.
2:20 – Home stability matters for teenagers.
3:57 – Relationship is the foundation.
4:13 – We tend to imitate our parent’s relationship.
5:29 – John’s feelings on divorce.
6:12 – John’s first experience with marital therapy: A launchpad for change.
7:14 – We never stop learning.
7:23 – Jeff, what did you learn from widowhood?
9:43 – Create a vision for marriage.
11:30 – Connection
11:47 – What is “The 90 Minute Marriage Miracle” about?
12:48 – One person can transform a marriage.
13:32 – Focusing on what can change.
13:48 – An extraordinary marriage is possible.
15:04 – Stop doing some things and start doing others.
15:31 – What is benign neglect?
16:47 – The effect of stress: What about COVID?
18:42 – How do marriages get off track?
20:05 – Communication is a symptom.
20:52 – Presence: Restoring connections.
22:17 – Lack of attention leads to loss of connection.
22:46 – Jeff, what causes divorce?
23:47 – Fruits and roots of relationship.
24:37 – Where can I find Jeff Forte?
25:15 – Takeaways.

About:

Jeff Forte is the author of the breakthrough international book, The 90-Minute Miracle(translated into 4 languages). He is also the creator of The Rising Love Marriage Repair Process™, a proven, time-tested system that has helped over a thousand of couples fix their marriages for good. Jeff’s process works even when traditional couples counseling fails and divorce seems the only option. Jeff is considered a leading expert in divorce prevention and marriage turn-around and holds certifications in Strategic Intervention and Marriage Education and has 25 years of conflict resolution experience. He is a trusted advisor to Emmy Award winners, professional athletes, Fortune 500 executives, psychologists, business professionals, attorneys, surgeons, and some of the most high-profile couples around the world.

Links:

https://90minutemarriagemiracle.com/

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:

StrongerMarriage.org

podcast.strongermarriage.org

Facebook: StrongerMarriage.org

Instagram: @strongermarriagelife

Dr. Dave Schramm:

https://drdaveschramm.com

https://drdavespeaks.com

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU

Facebook Marriage Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579

Facebook Parenting Group: https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642

Dr. Liz Hale: http://www.drlizhale.com/

In this episode, Dave and his guest, Brandon McDaniel, PhD, Senior Research Scientist at Parkview Mirro Center for Research and Innovation, discuss the effects of technology usage on our relationships. While Brandon emphasizes that “not all technology is bad” he shares how “technoference” (a term he coined) can lead to disconnecting from those we love. More importantly, he gives tips for managing our own tech habits and having potentially difficult conversations with our partners around this sometimes touchy topic.

0:00 – Introduction: Who is Brandon McDaniel?
1:05 – What is “technoference”?
2:50 – What to do when technology disconnects us.
3:50 – Does relationship satisfaction depend on how much technology is used on a partnership?
5:50 – Technoference: connections and conflict
8:30 – Is technology affecting my relationship with my partner?
10:30 – Why it’s important to communicate technology use expectations with your partner.
11:40 – Addiction vs attention in technology use.
13:40 – How big of an issue is technoference?
14:45 – The power of intentionality.
15:27 – How to manage technology in the bedroom.
19:00 – Couple conversation: What does ideal couple time looklike and how to approach that conversation?
24:30 – Technoference at mealtime.
25:30 – When is technology use valuable?
29:15 – Managing technology and teenagers.
31:00 – How are influencers influencing you?
34:25 – Tips on managing media consumption.

About:

Brandon T. McDaniel is a family scientist (PhD in Human Development and Family Studies, Pennsylvania State University), Senior Research Scientist at the Parkview Mirro Center for Research and Innovation, adjunct Clinical Assistant Professor of Pediatrics at Indiana University School of Medicine Fort Wayne, and nationally recognized expert on the impacts of technology use on relationships, families, and children. Dr. McDaniel’s research on technoference –the interference of device use in our face-to-face interactions and family relationships—has attracted international attention. He has been awarded grants from the National Institutes of Health (NIH) and is actively pursuing research into parent device use and developing educational programming for parents of infants centered around developing healthy digital habits. He also regularly engages in community education in the promotion of healthy digital habits.

Links:

Brandon McDaniel: http://www.btmcdaniel.com

Free Technoference eBook: https://www.drdaveschramm.com/techno-ference-ebook

“Raise” parenting app: https://www.joinraise.com

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:

StrongerMarriage.org

podcast.strongermarriage.org

Facebook: facebook.com/strongermarriage

Instagram: @strongermarriagelife

Dr. Dave Schramm:

https://drdaveschramm.com

https://drdavespeaks.com

Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU

Facebook Marriage Group:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579

Facebook Parenting Group:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642

Dr. Liz Hale:

http://www.drlizhale.com/

October is National Domestic Violence Awareness Month. In this week’s episode, Dr. Dave and Dr. Liz are joined by Jill Anderson, CEO of CAPSA (Citizens Against Physical & Sexual Assault) who discusses how to recognize signs of abuse and shares resources available to those experiencing domestic violence. We encourage those who recognize unhealthy patterns of behavior to seek help from qualified professionals. To survivors we say, “We believe you and there is hope."

[Time markers]

0:00 – Introduction: Who is Jill Anderson?
3:00 – What is Domestic Violence?
3:33 – How does the power and control wheel affect relationships.
4:45 – What is Gaslighting?
8:35 – Tips for early relationships: Communication, boundaries, and power structure.
11:20 – What resources are available to those experiencing DV?
15:56 – Domestic violence survivor success stories.
21:00 – How common is domestic violence?
24:01 – Lethality assessment: How law enforcement and other community programs are improving their response to DV.
25:38 – What can witnesses do to help those experiencing domestic violence?
26:50 – Signs of the power and control wheel in a relationship.
28:48 – When should I reach out for help if I am experiencing, or witnessing, domestic violence?

About:

Jill Anderson is the CEO of CAPSA, a nonprofit organization providing services to and empowering individuals and families impacted by domestic violence and sexual assault. Jill has enhanced programs and expanded the capacity of CAPSA to provide critical 24-hour services, shelter, therapy, and housing for survivors. In 2013, she was named Resident of the Year by the Herald Journal, and in 2016, she receive the Lifetime Achievement Award from Utah State University’s Center for Women and Gender.

Links and resources:

https://www.capsa.org/

https://udvc.org/
(power and control wheel website)

National Domestic Violence Hotline: 800-799-7233

CAPSA’s 24-hour Support Phone Line: 435-753-2500

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:

podcast.strongermarriage.org

https://www.facebook.com/strongermarriage

Dr. Dave Schramm:

https://drdaveschramm.com

https://drdavespeaks.com

Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU

Facebook Marriage Group:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579

Facebook Parenting Group:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642

Dr. Liz Hale:

http://www.drlizhale.com/

The information provided by the Stronger Marriage Connection Podcast is intended for general information and educational purposes only. The content of the Podcast is not a substitute for professional advice, marriage counseling, or therapy and no content should be construed as personalized advice. The Stronger Marriage Connection Podcast makes no representation or warranty, either express or implied, regarding its content or outcomes derived as a result of listening to the Podcast.

This week, Liz and Dave interview Dr. Steven Stosny – author, educator, researcher, and one of the top marriage experts in the world. Dr. Stosny explains the underlying causes of disconnection, anger, and emotional abuse and how compassion – the “lifeblood of intimate relationships” - has the power to overcome their detrimental effects in marriage. Join us to learn how to create a deeper marital connection today. 

2:00 - Dave’s Fave: “How to Improve your Marriage Without Talking about It”

3:20 - Communication is a function of connection.

4:35 - Communication isn’t about information in a love relationship.

5:50 – Connection is a mental state and a choice.

6:13 – Connecting with your man – touch first.

7:16 – Criticism is not an aphrodisiac.

7:30 – The underlying cause of disconnection: blame, denial, and avoidance

8:35 – Focus on what you want, not on what you don’t want

9:35 – Resentment – the root of inter partner violence (IPV)

10:00 - Act on your values, not your feelings

10:30 – Overcoming feelings of resentment with compassion

11:20 – Compassionate assertiveness

13:10 – It’s not your driving, it’s my anxiety

13:50 – People cannot be compassionate when they are defensive

14:47 – Compassion is the lifeblood of intimate relationships.

16:11 – Resentment and the laws of reciprocity and negativity

18:21 – Every couple is different – test the research hypotheses to see if they apply to you

21:16 – The core value skill

22:11 – Improve, connect, appreciate, protect

25:45 – Toddler brain vs the adult brain

26:04 – Abuse is the misuse of the power inherent in attachment

26:21 – The fuel of anger: vulnerability + threat

28:33 – Motivation for emotion: approach, avoid, attack

29:14 – Guilt in relationship is a distance regulator

29:51 – The core value approach to relationship improvement

33:19 – Dr. Stosny’s book, “Empowered Love”

35:01 – Attachment: the secure base

37:26 – Dr. Stosny’s website and resources (relationship bootcamps)

39:05 – Signs of emotional abuse – the failure of compassion

41:55 – How to have a deeper marital connection? Be true to your own values.

43:35 – Takeaways of the day

About [Podcast Guest]: 

 Steven Stosny, Ph.D., is the founder of CompassionPower. His current book is Empowered Love. Among his previous books include, Soar Above: How to Use the Most Profound Part of Your Brain under Any Kind of Stress, Living and Loving after Betrayal, How to Improve your Marriage without Talking about It: Finding Love beyond Words, Love without Hurt, The Powerful Self, and Treating Attachment Abuse. He has treated over 6,000 clients for various forms of anger, abuse, and violence. He is an advisor Prince Georges County Circuit and District courts on domestic violence. He has appeared on “The Oprah Winfrey Show,” “The Today Show,” “CBS Sunday Morning,” many CNN shows, and in the New York Times, Washington Post, U.S. News & World Report, WSJ, Esquire, Cosmopolitan, O, Psychology Today, USA Today. He has taught at the University of Maryland and at St. Mary’s College of Maryland. His blog on Psychologytoday.com has over 20 million views. 

Dr. Stosny currently offers boot camps for chronic resentment, anger, emotional abuse and monthly workshops on various self-healing and relationship topics. 

Dr. Steve Stosny:

https://compassionpower.com

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:

podcast.strongermarriage.org

https://www.facebook.com/strongermarriage

Dr. Dave Schramm:

https://drdaveschramm.com

https://drdavespeaks.com

Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU

Facebook Marriage Group:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579

Facebook Parenting Group:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642

Dr. Liz Hale:

http://www.drlizhale.com/

The information provided by the Stronger Marriage Connection Podcast is intended for general information and educational purposes only. The content of the Podcast is not a substitute for professional advice, marriage counseling, or therapy and no content should be construed as personalized advice. The Stronger Marriage Connection Podcast makes no representation or warranty, either express or implied, regarding its content or outcomes derived as a result of listening to the Podcast.

Join us as Dr. Dave and Dr. Liz discuss that the foundation for true connection is within ourselves. We will be talking about four guiding principles that will help you develop a meaningful marriage. Come to discover your strengths, learn how to turn towards your spouse, gain a vision for the marriage of your dreams, and see the value of fierce loyalty. 

0:00 –A happy “we” starts with a happy me: Four principles for happy healthy relationships.
1:17 –What does it mean to start whole in marriage?
3:10 –What is the best way to have a good marriage?
3:58--What is the difference between roots and fruits in thriving relationships?
5:05 --Foundations of friendship.
5:48 –The Roots: The power of humility, compassion, & positivity.
7:11 –Principle 1: Searching Inward
8:20 –How do I discover my character strengths?
9:38–What are Dr. Dave’s, Dr. Liz’s, & Rex’s top three Via Character Strengths?
12:50 –What do I do once I discover my Via Strengths?
13:35 –Building upon your partner’s strengths.
14:30 –Principle 2: Turn Outward.
15:50 –A word of caution.
16:39 –How do I turn outward towards my partner?
17:30 –See something -say something.
18:24–Emotional attunement.
19:10 –Principle 3: Look Upward
20:33 –How do I maintain vision?
21:49 –Principle 4: Press Forward.
22:33 –Learning to forgive quickly.
22:45 –Dr. Dave: Learning to stick it out.
24:02 –Fierce commitment.
25:00 –The 20% that drives you crazy.
26:20 –Getting our hearts right: How are you perceiving each other?
27:05 –Let’s Review: Turn Outward!
27:40 –How could my partner possibly love me?
28:20 –Let’s Review: Look Upward!
28:37 –Grow as you go.
29:02 –Let’s Review: Press Forward!
29:21 –Love fluctuates, commitment should never waiver.
30:48 –Nothing is ever wasted.
31:13 –Takeaways & Wrap up. 

Links:

“Beyond the Myth of Marital Happiness,” by Dr. Blaine Fowers

https://www.viacharacter.org/

“How To Improve Your Marriage Without Talking About It,” by Pat Love and Steve Stosny

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:

podcast.strongermarriage.org

https://www.facebook.com/strongermarriage

Dr. Dave Schramm:

https://drdaveschramm.com

https://drdavespeaks.com

Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU

Facebook Marriage Group:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579

Facebook Parenting Group:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642

Dr. Liz Hale:

http://www.drlizhale.com/

The information provided by the Stronger Marriage Connection Podcast is intended for general information and educational purposes only. The content of the Podcast is not a substitute for professional advice, marriage counseling, or therapy and no content should be construed as personalized advice. The Stronger Marriage Connection Podcast makes no representation or warranty, either express or implied, regarding its content or outcomes derived as a result of listening to the Podcast.

In this week’s episode, Stacy Goulding, shares her unique perspective on true intimacy. Whether you are a newlywed excited to kickstart your marriage in the bedroom, a parent hoping to better prepare your teen or adult child for healthy marital intimacy, or simply ready to deepen your own intimate relationship, there is something here for you!

0:0 – Introduction: Who is Stacy Goulding?
1:04 –What is intimacy? What to expect in the True Intimacy Class?
3:30 –How do I talk to my adult kids about marital intimacy?
5:48 –What happens when marital intimacy gets off on the wrong foot?
6:40 –Avoiding unnecessary pain: the True Intimacy Class
8:50 –Why is it necessary to startfamily planning conversations early?
9:53 –Turning “the talk” into a conversation.
11:11 –Not an expert? Try this.
12:23 –Talking to kids about sex: How early is too early?
14:25 –Recurring negative sexual experiences: What are they? How do we stop them? 16:52 –Honeymoon expectations: What should I talk about with my partner?
18:55 –Bring these 2 things to your wedding night!
20:00 –Learning to laugh together.
21:06 –Consent is not constant.
26:03 –Who is sex for?
29:05 –Where can I find Stacy?

Stacey Goulding is a licensed Health Educator, the creator of the True Intimacy class, and a wellness coach specializing in women and post-partum wellness. She also loves cycling, dancing, kayaking, pickle-ball, and classic rock. She resides in Utah with her husband and two sons.

Links:

https://www.trueintimacyclass.com

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:

podcast.strongermarriage.org 

https://www.facebook.com/strongermarriage

Dr. Dave Schramm:

https://drdaveschramm.com

https://drdavespeaks.com

Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU

Facebook Marriage Group:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579

Facebook Parenting Group:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642

Dr. Liz Hale:

http://www.drlizhale.com/

The information provided by the Stronger Marriage Connection Podcast is intended for general information and educational purposes only. The content of the Podcast is not a substitute for professional advice, marriage counseling, or therapy and no content should be construed as personalized advice. The Stronger Marriage Connection Podcast makes no representation or warranty, either express or implied, regarding its content or outcomes derived as a result of listening to the Podcast.

In this week’s episode, Dr. Bill Doherty, explains the importance of both boundaries and intimacy in avoiding the consumer marriage. He describes how you can avoid the dangers of believing you are a marriage expert, detect harmful marital therapy, navigate marital difficulties as a novice, and ultimately commit to your marriage.

0:0 – Introduction: Who is Bill Doherty?
3:00 – Will 40-50% of marriages really end in divorce?
4:05 – What’s the danger in acting like a marriage expert?
9:54 – The value of commitment in 21stcenturymarriages.
14:58 – What’s the difference between helpful & harmful marriage therapy?
23:00 – How can I be married for life? Two powerful ingredients.
27:00 – The consumer marriage & Marital First Responders.
30:20 – What motivated Bill’s book “Take Back Your Marriage: Sticking Together in a World that Pulls Us Apart”?
34:17 – How do marital rituals create and sustain happy marriages?
39:12 – Takeaways& the consumer marriage: What about deal breakers?

About:

Bill Doherty is a Professor in the Department of Family Social Science at the University of Minnesota. A long-time marriage and family therapist, he is an expert on navigating marital crisis, avoiding divorce, and using family rituals to enhance the quality of family life. He is the author of“ The Intentional Family” and “Take Back Your Marriage”. In recent years Bill has taken this couples work to the national level via cofounding Braver Angels, an initiative working to decrease the political polarization that is dividing the country. dohertyfoundation.org. Check out “Insights and Invites” on the Stronger Marriage Connection webpage for key episode takeaways and tips on how to improve your marriage connection today!

Links:

https://dohertyfoundation.org

https://braverangels.org

https://maritalfirstresponders.org

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:

https://strongermarriage.org

podcast.strongermarriage.org 

https://www.facebook.com/strongermarriage

Dr. Dave Schramm:

https://drdaveschramm.com

https://drdavespeaks.com

Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU

Facebook Marriage Group:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579

Facebook Parenting Group:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642

Dr. Liz Hale:

http://www.drlizhale.com/

The information provided by the Stronger Marriage Connection Podcast is intended for general information and educational purposes only. The content of the Podcast is not a substitute for professional advice, marriage counseling, or therapy and no content should be construed as personalized advice. The Stronger Marriage Connection Podcast makes no representation or warranty, either express or implied, regarding its content or outcomes derived as a result of listening to the Podcast.

The doctors are in the house! In this introductory episode, meet Dr. Dave Schramm, a family life professor and extension specialist at Utah State University, and co-host Dr. Liz Hale, licensed clinical psychologist practicing in Salt Lake City, Utah.

Dave and Liz interview each other and share their backgrounds and expertise in their fields. Dave also explains the why of the Stronger Marriage Connection podcast and goal of the show.

Let's go!

Visit our site for FREE relationship resources and regular giveaways:

podcast.strongermarriage.org 

Dr. Dave Schramm:

https://drdaveschramm.com

https://drdavespeaks.com

Facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/DrDaveUSU

https://www.facebook.com/strongermarriage

Facebook Marriage Group:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/770019130329579

Facebook Parenting Group:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/542067440314642

Dr. Liz Hale:

http://www.drlizhale.com/

The information provided by the Stronger Marriage Connection Podcast is intended for general information and educational purposes only. The content of the Podcast is not a substitute for professional advice, marriage counseling, or therapy and no content should be construed as personalized advice. The Stronger Marriage Connection Podcast makes no representation or warranty, either express or implied, regarding its content or outcomes derived as a result of listening to the Podcast.