My Minute of News with Jeff Caplan
Girl Scott Cookie Surplus!
First you pierce the think layer of chocolate with your teeth… and your upper palette tingles from the mint. Then comes the satisfying crunch of the wafer inside. There’s nothing like a Thin Mint from the Girl Scouts.
It’s a huge business… but a little less huge during the pandemic… because the normal channels used to peddle the cookies were closed off. You couldn’t set up a booth. You couldn’t send mom and dad to work with a sign up sheet … because… everybody was home.
So sales were down significantly and the Girl Scouts have 15-million extra boxes of cookies. They’re sitting at the bakers’ warehouses.
So what to do with 50-million dollars worth of cookies? Sell ‘em next year? Nope. Shelf life is 12 months. Sell ‘em to grocery stores? Nope. The annual sale becomes less special… when you can get the cookies at any old store. They did put them in Harmons at the peak of the pandemic… but now… it’s unclear what happens to all those cookie boxes.
What is clear… is that no matter how much it seems like a big business. And they sell 800-million dollars worth of cookies in a good year. the pandemic taught us that there’s one ingredient that makes Girl Scout cookies a hit.
The girls themselves.
They’re the 50-million dollars worth of magic that makes it all happen
Ever been to Lake Chaugagogmanchahgagaggchaubunagungagaug?
The longest town name in America. And making matters more complicated… it’s in the state with the longest name… so if you’re looking for the lovely lake on the google… type in Chaugagogmanchahgagaggchaubunagungamaug, Massachessets.
Out of necessity… the town’s Welcome sign is 16 feet long. The name is a native american term for the boundary between the English and the local Indian Tribe.
49 letters … that town name. The letter G is used 15 times… and when the state wanted to get rid of some of them to make life easier for map makers… the town rose up as one… behing a poet named Bertha who wrote.
Tho Gogg and Magogg shout and thunder;
Shall blaze, the beacon of the town,
While nations gaze and wonder.”
Once a poet gets involved it’s game over… and the state gave up … So 49 letterse it stays… but the crystal blue lake dotted by cottages has changed. These days it's hot real estate. Houses are going up… trees are coming down… and the newest residents of Chaugagogmanchahgagaggcaubunagungamaug have as hard time with the name. Spelling it is murder if you didn’t grow up there… so they just call it Lake Webster.
And when they have to write their address by hand on that form at the doctors office… they just use the five digit equalizer that the same length for every town in America… Zip code 01570.
Bye bye Charlie (bit my finger)
Probably the most famous Youtube video ever. Ladies and Gentlemen… I give you ….Charlie Bit My Finger.
This was back when the internet was innocent… 2007… instead of trolls and karens… 2007 Kids and cats were the superstars.
And none more so than Charlie.
Fast forward… the grinning little finger-biter is 14 years old. Thanks to 900-million views on YouTube… you hear me .. almost a billion views… Charlie and his finger bitten brother now go to private school in England.
And the family has decided to get one last payday.
They’ve turned “charlie bit my finger” into an NFT. I don’t want to get into the convoluted digital sorcery of NFT’s… so suffice it to say… that the video is a one-of-a-kind collectible. The family has promised to remove the video from youtube forever. So - at least in theory the highest bidder …would have the only copy of the video … and yesterday… 11 bidders threw serious money at the auction…. and when the digital dust settled…. Charlie Bit my Finger sold to some anonymous internet dude… for $761,000.
Three quarters orf as million dollars… to own a beloved piece of internet history.
What's the Orange Dot on my iPhone?
I just noticed this. If you have an iphone… look at the bars… y’know…. the signal bars at the top right of the screen.
Other day just above the bars… I saw a tiny orange dot. Thought it was a little spec of dust and I tried to brush it away… but it was on the screen.
Maybe you knew this… but that tiny orange dot above the bars…. is the new way that Apple warns you one of your apps is using the microphone. Some app could be listening.
For instance… if you’re on the phone… you get the orange dot. Buit if you’re not on the phone and you see that orange dot…. that means there’s an app that listening to you. Could be legit… but if you’re concerned… start closing the apps on your phone one by one til the dot goes away.
Even creepier… is a greet dot. If you see a green dot up there… it means one of your apps is watching. It has access to your camera. Could be facebook… cause you gave permission. Could be something else. But if you want privacy… shut apps til the green dot goes away.
And if you have an Android phone…. sorry no dots. You would have to go to the app store and find one that warns you about mic and camera useage. If you don’t download a warning app…. they could be listyening. Or watching.
The Alexa Lady
Listen to this woman on this commercial. Listen close.
Any idea who this is? I’ll play another clip of her. See if you get it.
This woman has chosen to hide the biggest role of her life as a voice-over artist. I’m gonna play one more clip of her. See if you get it.
That’s Nina Rolle from Minneapolis. She does radio commercials… and voices audiobooks… and very quietly…. landed the gig of a lifetime. But after snooping and sluething… tech website the verge.com has revealed Nina… is … Alexa.
—— la voice
She still won’t talk about it. A blonde 40-ish … not really reclusive… but for obvious reasons… Amazon doesn’t want this lady running around declaring “I’m Alexa.” When the Siri Lady… Susan Bennett of Atlanta got famous… Apple replaced her. So for now… it’s all hush hush.
I even asked my Alexa about her….
Figures. Wrong answer. Dang Alexa
We've all had that question, should I ice an injury, or put some heat on it?
I took a bike ride and hurt my back over the weekend. Just a little bit… nothing major.
So question … should I ice it. Or heat it?
People are passionate about this topic. I don’t want to get in a fistfight with you… but my move … is to go the fridge and fish out the frozen peas.
But maybe that wasn't the best move
May the 4th
May the Fourth is like Christmas for Star Wars fans, but it didn't get its start with Sith and Jedi, but rather Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher.
The Cello Cow
It’s the return of live music comes not a moment too soon for Jacob Shaw. He’s a world-class cellist who performs with symphonies around the world.
But with no audience the past year… what’s an elite performer to do? Zoom Concerts? Sure he offers free lectures on Instagram. But a performer misses the warm sound of live applause, so Jacob Shaw found a new audience...
Zach Wilson, Are you ready for New York?
So Broadway Zach is the highest draft pick in BYU history.
---With the Second——
Here at home where this young man grew his roots under the watching eye of a loving mom and dad…. the accolades poured in last night. And a lot of BYU fans were beaming with pride.
But do you have any idea what’s waiting for him in New York? The media machine in New York City… lives to grind up a young man with aspirations… and turn his self-respect into dust.
Jets fans spit when they say the names of the hapless … hopeless… quarterbacks who came before. Name you don’t know…but they’ll never forget.
It was all smiles last night… Zach had a contagious grin as he talked about the future last night.
But let’s take a look at what they’re saying in New York this morning. Two headlines in the New York Post.
Zach Wilson’s mom was the real breakout star of the NFL draft. The page is adorned with attractive pictures of Zach’s mom her blond hair flowing. The other headline. Meet the Girlfriend of Jets QB Zach Wilson. And there's Abby Giles. Her blond hair flowing.
Not a word on the front page about Zach Wilson throwing footballs. Let’s hope the rest of the jets catch those footballs… the media will be eating out of Zach’s 18-million dollar hand.
Bird Smuggling for Singing Competitions
A bizarre story I saw on KSLNewsradio.com yesterday.
A man was arrested by customs at JFK Airport in New York for smuggling. Tucked inside his jacket… and taped around his legs… not drugs. No. Hair curlers. And inside each curler… was a small bird… stuffed into the roller… with the open ends capped by mesh netting.
Why would a guy smuggle 35 little finches into America. And the answer is… for the singing competitions of course.
In New York… this is a man known as the Bird King of Queens. Ray Harinarain is an immigrant from Guyana in South America…. where bird singing competitions are a form of entertainment. And he’s brought it here.
Competitors bring their caged birds to a park … for head-to-head sing-offs. Each cages is placed on a pole… and the rest is like Avian Idol. Now if you think there’s cruelty involved. No… no…
Owners coddle these birds with protein diets and selective breeding because in a Sunday competition… the bird that makes the most birdcalls in the course of an hour can win $10,000.
No wonder there’s a housefinch smuggling ring. 36 year old Kevin MacKenzie says he was paid $3000 to smuggle the finches into America. He’s been released by customs on $25,000 bond. The smuggler… is now free as a bird.
When Kevin MacKenzie goes to court… he better hope those finches… don’t sing like canaries.
Sabrina and the Lost VHS Tape
Here’s a “Karen” with something legitimate to complain about.
Caron McBride got married… and she quickly did the right thing…. and contacted the DMV to get her name changed on her drivers license. DMV emailed back… Caron… there’s a warrant to your arrest.
She had no idea . Caron called the District Attorney who said… yeah… there’s a warrant alright. Felony Embezzlement.
Caron did not go all Caron. Because she was so scared she thought it was a heart attack. She’d never done anything wrong. Except. Apparently… 22 years ago… she went to the video store and rented a VHS… and never returned.
For our younger listeners VHS stands for Video Home System. A spooled videotape canister pre-recorded with movies that you’d select in an actual store… for 4 bucks and return to the store the next day. Good citizens would always rewind the tape back to the beginning before returning it but I digress.
Caron McBride doesn’t remember renting Sabrina the Teenage Witch in 1999. But Movie Place in Norman Oklahoma never forgot. They went out of business long ago… but the charges stuck.
CAron McBride now thinks she’s lost jobs over the years because of the felony charge she never knew about.
Good news though. The prosecutor has now dropped the charges… good thing. because the Movie Place went out of business. So there’s a crime with no victim.
And somewhere… there’s a copy of Sabrina the teenage witch … that cast a dark spell over a young woman’s life.
RIP Prince Philip
It’s such a gentle term, “final resting place”. Prince Philip will be lowered to his by the time you wake up tomorrow morning. His casket will be privately lowered into a vault in the church floor... after a funeral for family members at which no choirs performed. At a humble service…. a trio will perform the musical selections for the small gathering of family.
And besides... England’s had enough music this week. The entire country was shocked by the senseless way BBC Radio 1 made the announcement of Prince Philips death. This is the national radio channel of the UK. Upon who’s microphones King George VI spoke during world war 2. Where Queen Elizabeth mourned the death of Diana.
Monday morning they’re playing some headbanger techno music… and all of a sudden a mash up for the ages… with no warning. You’re getting your groove on cranking on the computer and buzzkill. All of a sudden it's G-d Save the Queen… and this.
BBC Television did it a bit more gently. The anchor is wearing black. She looks like she’s been crying. And now… Prince Philip goes to his final resting place. Except its not.
When his wife the queen dies…. they’re gonna pull Philip up out of the floor… and move him to her side… to HER favorite location at Windsor castle. As he lived his life… so too in death… Philip will take his final trip… two steps behind his Queen
Driverless Pizza Delivery!
The future finally arrived yesterday when Domino’s announced it’s going to start delivering pizza with driverless cars.
--Left-Left-Left Right Left—
Pizza wasn’t even a thing til after World War II. Long before that.. in the 1700’s… the first pizza came out an oven in Naples Italty smothered in oil and tomato. It’d be a long time before they’d top it with cheese. Or Pineapple.
On these shores Italian immigrants first served pizza in 1895 in big cities. But it only bubbled across the country after World War II … when troops stationed in Italy got to enjoy real Neopolitan pizza. After that… its popularity exploded.
And yesterday’s announcement by Dominos… could be one of the most important in pizza history.
They’re testing pizza delivery in a driverless car… at one Dominos in Houston. You prepay on the app… and you check a box if you want driverless delivery. You track the pizza’s trip on GPS… and then a Nuro R2 autonomous car pulls into the driveway. It’s a 4 foot tall white push-me pull you. It’s 8 feet long and you can barely tell which is the front and which is the back.
You have to go get the pizza from the Nuro. When you order they give you a pin number. Enter it on the side of the car and a door gently swings upward revealing your hot delicious pizza… hopefully without pineapples.
And as the door gently closes… you can smile …realizing that you didn’t have to tip a pizza guy.
Tik Tok is the undisputed champion of Stupidity
It’s been a while since we checked in on the stupidity on tik tok. Along the way we missed the Feed your Dog hot sauce challenge. We missed the cover your face and neck with hot wax challenge. Yes itt goes in your mouth. Do I have to waste your time with the warning don’t do this?
I will spend a moment telling you the next stunt is so stupid you won’t believe it, and you might be tempted to try it. This one… you’d risk serious injury…. and you have to make sure your kids don’t try this.
Millions and millions of Tik Tok views for Deep Fried Water.
A chemist came up with this recipe. You combine water with a chemical that I won’t give the name of… and it forms a sphere. a jelly like bubble with water inside. Flour …egg.. breadcrubs… you pop the batter covered bubble into the deep fryer… and voila Deep Fried Water.
Unless… the bubble breaks. Dr. Christopher Cramer tells the Daily Mail…. that water boils as a lower temperature that the bubbling oil. So if the bubble springs a leak… you get a high speed explosion and hot oil rains down on everything including… you.
So whenever you hear a story about tik tok is the new place to find stocks. Or tik tok is helping this group or that group. Or how its changing the world… Keep in the back of your mind… it’s still a place filled with epic stupidity.
The Masters And Utah Jazz Concession Prices
If you don’t follow golf… you might not care about history made at the Masters over the weekend.
Hideki Matsuyama won the tournament… would you care if I told you the Masters might lead to cheaper concession prices at Jazz games?
See Augusta National Golf Course offers concession food at prices so cheap they’re shocking.
The traditional dish is the egg salad with pimento cheese sandwich on white bread. it looks like something your mom packed in your school lunch… but it only costs a dollar-50. The only flourish it comes in a green plastic so you drop the wrapper … it blends in with the grass.
Augusta National keeps the prices so cheap because they don’t need the money. And it seems quirky… Golf love quirikiness. But here’s what economists are realizing. When you drop the concession prices… people buy more. Atlanta built a wonderous new football stadium. When it opened they lowered concession prices… to family friendly levels . and they made more money. So now the NBA’s Charlotte Hornets… the Baltimore Raveins
and the 49ers have all followed suit.
Which makes it possible for cheaper concessions at Vivint. So when you dream of a Utah Jazz championship… you can you can also fantasidze about cheaper curros and chick-filet.
College Basketball is Joyless (Joyless NCAA)
College basketball is absolutely joyless. It’ll be intense this weekend… as the Sweet 16 gets whittled down. It’ll probably be thrilling … and crushing at the same time. But joyous?
College basketball doesn’t do joyous. Case in point.
A week ago… I told you that Utah Geological Survey was holding an online contest… to choose Utah’s Greatest Natural Wonder. Delicate Arch… Bowtie Arch? Is it Owachomao Bridge? For a week… people have been having fun whittling down the brackets… and we’ve made it to the Seismic 16. All three I mentioned are still in.
But a problem. This week… College Basketball’s Missouri Valley Conference complained Arch Madness is their registered trademark… you know. St. Louis has that stainless steel arch. And for goodness sakes… the Utah Geological Survey decided to change the name of their cute little contest to avoid a lawsuit.
They had to rebrand the website… change all the images… the logos. And instead of Arch Madness… right now… you go to geology.utah.gov and today you’ll find the generically named Utah. Arch. Challenge.
The Seismic 16 voting continues through Sunday.
Unless another joyless college basketball conference owns the phrase Seismic 16
WWII Music from the Battlefield
Some grandpa’s tell war stories. Richard Burt did.. . Regaling his grandson with his tales from World War II and the jungles of the South Pacific .
But he didn’t carry a gun. Richard Burt carried a trumpet… in 7-46th
The Far East Air Force Band…. playing music just behind the front lines in the Phillipines to build morale.
A couple of times… they used those newfangled machines to record their songs… and when he came home. Richard Burt brought his recordings to KSL in 1946… and they turned the music into recordsthat sat in Richard Burts garage… ….. til long after his death in the 1980’s.
When the family recently found the old recordings in the garage… his grandson Jason got a Hollywood music producers….. to erase 75 years of static… and clean up the sound.
And this is one of the few known battlefield music recording from World War II. Jason now hopes you’ll download the 7-46th… on iTunes or stream it on Spotify to help remember a grandpa who fought for freedom — not with the gunmetal… but with the shiny brass… of a trumpet. Jason hopes Grandpa will win a grammy for historical recording next year.
The Neanderthal Makeover!
Admit it. Half of everything you know about Neanderthals… comes from the GEICO Commercials.
You think of Neanderthals as hairy looking lunkheads with prominent foreheads … blurting things like MMMNMH.
But there’s a new body of scientific evidence that indicates Neanderthals might have been more like the mango-salsa nibbling… Geico caveman wearing tennis whites. In short… Neanderthals are getting a makeover.
Examining an intact skull 130-thousand years old… they were able to reconstruct a 3D model of the Neanderthal ear… the evidence shows… they could hear much like we do… a surprise that means they were capable of forming the sounds that make up human speech. Difficult sounds like “th” - Thhhhh. There’s no indication if they had the mental ability… TH might have just been Thuhhhh…
or they might have had a thesaurus worth of speech. We don’t know Recent disocveries show they made cave art. They worse jewelry and buried their dead. So like the Geico commercials… they’re smarter than we thought. But why should you care? Because new research shows that if you carry a specific gene handed down from the Neanderthals… you have a greater risk of severe covid.
So get the vaccine. It’s so easy ….
Boy Meets Shrimp
Jensen Carp is a guy loves his Cinnamon Toast Crunch cereal. So he wrestled the inner wrapper open … pours a bowl… and what’s this? A flappy-looking thing.
He asks his wife - as a point of reference - his wife played Topanga in Boy Meets World - He loopks at the flappy thing and asks “what’s this?”
And his wife says … uh… that’s a shrimp tail.
And there were more of them in the cereal box. Shrimp tailos coated in brittle cinnamon sugar. So Jensen Carp - a guy who loves his Cinnamon Toast Crunch… reaches to General Mills on the web… and whaddaya think they did from
They offered him A free box of Cinnamon Toast Crunch.
Now.. Jensen Carp is mad. He wants some answers. Like.. why’s there shrimps swimming in my cereal box?
So he went public. And General Mills went public saying those aren’t shrimp tales. It’s just a ball of cinnamon sugar.
This was a bad move. It’s gone so far that now Crustacean researchers have offered to sample the DNA to identify not only that its a shrimp - but what subspecies… and General Mills is getting its worst publicity ever… the story’s everywhere. They’re messing with the guy who’s married to Topanga.
Some people think Jensen Carp is just looking for publicity. He *is* a podcaster. And he lives in the shadow of a more famous wife… Danielle Fischer.
But it’s become crystal clear… that General Mills is up against the only carp in the world who won’t eat shrimp. Even if its toasted in cinnamon sugar.
The Senate's new Sergeant at Arms
This is the late Margaret Thatcher …after she criticized the Soviet Union and refused to back down.
The Iron Lady lampooning her own fashion sense…. but she left a lasting mark with a different quote. Sadly it was never recorded when she offered If you want something said… ask a man. If you want something done…. ask a woman.
And Senator Chuck Schumer got the message. The other day… he announced a new Senate Sgt at Arms.
SHE is retired Lt General Karen Gibson.
She’s an expert in military intelligence. After the capitol riot on January 6th… the old Sgt at Arms was fired… and General Gibson now brings along a female deputy and chief of staff ..marking the first time in the history… women have held these jobs.
Her title is Sgt at Arms and Doorkeeper of the Senate. and if wonder why the Senate needs a doorkeeper. Back in the 1700’s … lawmakers would leave the Capitol… because they’d get bored. The Doorkeeper kept the door closed so they couldn’t run off.
Ironically since January 6th… the job is to keep people out. Those who’d do harm… and since the Senate wanted to get something done…. they asked a woman.
Time to fly again!
You could almost watch airfares rise by the hour this past week. So anxious we are to get back in the air and away for vacation… we’ve been booking like mad. I’ve seen a few airfares double in the past seven days… so before we go crazy burning up the frequent flier miles and buying expensive tickets… let’s remember what it’s like to fly.
For instance.. last week… a United airlines passenger John Yerkovich arrested on board. And what was he accused of.
— biting off the ear of a fellow passenger——
Oh… so you’re checking out what movies are onboard… and all of a sudden… chomp? Like that?
— police report says….
Basically… John Yerkovich went crazy. Like Tazmanian Devil style… so beserk that it wasn’t enough to pin him to the floor. A doctor on board gave him a shot of benadryl to settle him down.
But what set him off?
— crystal substance —
A meth bender on board. So what about the flight. Wh-where were they going.
That figures. The plane made an emergency stop in South Carolina to take the Yerk away in handcuffs. And now everybody’s enjoying sunny florida… some passengers slightly worse for the wear. Good luck booking your next flight.
I have a nephew who’s the world’s premier bracketologist. My nephew Brad predicted 67 of the 68 teams in the tournament. He doesn’t gamble. He does it for fun… and the sportsworld clamors to interview him this time of year. He’s the guy who calls in sick and stops everything for March Madness… and he’s not alone.
11 percent of America calls in sick for the tournament … brackets in one hand … clicker in the other they’re glued to the TV… watching these overlapping games… and dreaming of beating the one-in-80-trillion-billion odds of nailing a perfect bracket.
But this year is a little bit different because so many people are already working from home. And on this March 19th… I put the word “working” in quotes. Among those who actually go to the office… 30-percent are watching the games on their computer anyway. And this is before we get to BYU tomorrow night.
Big Dance veterans will tell you the way to watch this tournament is to keep all the games up on your computer… and go about your business with the sound ofdf. Notice the scores every once in a while… then stop everything to watch the final two minutes of any close game. Of course… two minutes of basketball takes about 15 minute with commercials… but you can still get the rest of your work done…. and you don’t burn a sick day.
Fewer cars on the roads… more people hitting a hundred out there.
UHP could tell you about the crazy driving around Northern Utah lately. But monday (today) we’re going to have a real nut on the road. The Planters Peanuts NUTMOBILE is coming to (will be in) SLC Monday .
Ever see this thing. It’s a 26 foot long peanut with windows. It goes from town to town driven by a NUT ambassador named Danny Holton …a young guy who dreams of climbing Mt Kiliminjaro… but for now.. drives a peanut.
If you happen to see his ride on Monday… it is a sight to behold. It’s basically an Isuzu Truck Chassis that support an environmentally friendly epoxy peanut as it drives around America going to stadiums.. supermarkets… and community groups. It has hiden solar panels… a wind turbine… and burns 5 percent biodiesel… which means the fuel contains a little bit of peanut oil.
It’s really just one more nut on the roads… but it’s an 11 foot tall 13-thousand pound nut … that’ll make you smile.
So watch out for the NUTmobile….and wave to Danny… who’s having a shell of a time.
Ahhh that blessed sound that signals the day is done… there’s nothing left to do.
— Netflix —
Netflix time! But very soon… you might put your feet up to chill with some Netflix and get a rude surprise.
See … one out of every three people is logged in with a shared password. And Netflix is launching a crackdown.
Here’s what’s gonna happen. If you’re the main account holder who pays the !3.99 a month… nothing. Netflix likes you. But if your sharing with your sister-in-law … here’s what happens to her. A screen pops up at *her* house that says “start your own netflix account for free. And at that moment of maximum relaxation a jolt goes up your spine and you w- wh- what do I do.
What you do is breathe. BREATHE! Because the bottom of the page… they offer to text you a verification code. Of course it’s going to the account holder…. your in-law… so you call them up and say “hey… what’s the code?” Now if you’re not talking to them… because they cancelled on Sunday dinner at the last minute… that’s a 14-dollar a month mistake. Make peace.
But there’s a way out. There’s a button on the screen that says “verify later” Click that and Netflix lets you watch your show in peace. Or as much peace as you can get… knowing they might bust you at any moment.
You can Netflix. But you cannot Chill.
But on a Friday night when the work for the week is done and you put your feet up … if you have a shared password… you cannot chill.
Hand Washing: The Sequel
So the end is near. We can see the finish line. The After begins shortly. So… quick question.
Are you gonna keep washing your hands? I mean five times a day with soap and warm water singing happy birthday.
According to a new study of 2-thousand americans… almost half of us will stick with the new hygiene regimen
42-percent of people surveyed plan to scrub their skin as if we still had a pandemic. Hand sanitzer. Oh you betcha.
In the great before… studies showed that regardless of what people say… if you stood in a public rest room and watched people - the vast majority of men - 69% - walked out of the restroom without washing.
Now… a year later … we’re a nation of snowflake germaophobes… and it looks like for half of us… the intensive hand washing is gonna remain a way of life.
For the other half…. when this is all over if you plan to waltz out of a mens room without washing … I have four words.
Happy Birthday to you.
After this is done…. If you’re not gonna wash your hands in the mens room.. try to understand why I’m gonna stick with elbow bumping.
Burger King Blows it Bigtime
Wow did Burger King blow it, bigtime.
International Women’s Day on Monday… they decided to honor women with a tweet that reads “Women belong in the Kitchen”
The tweet from Burger King in the UK riccocheted around the world…. as people smacked their foreheads over the tone-deaf tweet.
Burger King had to write a follow up tweet to explain that what we meant was.
Folks, if you ever post on twitter… you never want to be in a situation where you have to say “what I meant was.”
In this case… they meant that only about 20% of chefs.. are women. And Burger King’s committed to empowering its female employees pursue their culinary dreams.
The blowback was so bad that KFC tweeted “delete the entire thing.”
One observant person said… it would have been so easy for Burger King to honor women. All they had to do was change their name for a day to Burger Queen.
After all… to be a Queen? What could be better?!
These days the Queen has beef with her grandkids. And she says… recollections of what happened with Megan vary. So …its’ possible somebody’s telling … a whopper.
Dr. Seuss and the Free Market
A lot of people are angry Dr. Suess Enterprises. The company has stopped publishing six Dr. Suess books because of their racial insensitivity… and there’s a lot of grumbling that this is cancel culture at work. That children are being denied the fine books that first opened your eyes to the joy of reading.
I have two things to point out. And I’m gonna call them thing one… and thing two.
Thing One: You’ve probably never heard of these Dr Suess books being removed from publication. This is not green eggs and ham. The Cat in the Hat will be around for a long time to come. Truth is … there are six .. maybe 10 doctor Suess books that have stood the test of time and mremain famous. The titles going away include "McElligot’s Pool and “On Beyond Zebra” They’re not the ones that were building blocks of your childhood.
Now Thing Two: While some see yet another case of cancel culture This is could be seen a case of free-market capitalism hard at work.
Dr Suess Enterprises is owned a private company that decided to stop selling six of their products. It’s their right. The result of the decision… is that they’re making a ton of money. Go check Amazon’s Best Seller list. At this moment …the top selling book in America is The Cat in the Hat. 9 of the top 10 books on the list …are by Dr Suess. That’s never happened Green Eggs… One Fish Two Fish. Fox in Socks. The old favorites are all there.
Even if you will not read them in your house.
and will not read them with a mouse.
It’s March and that means we’ve gone once around the sun with Covid casting it's shadow. Prepare yourself. In days ahead we’ll observe a full year since the shocking night Rudy Gobert tested positive. This month we’ll mark 12 full months since the physical shock from the earth beneath us.
Brace yourself again. Because ironic as it may seem… the anniversary means we’re going to relive one of the worst months of our lives. You’re going to see endless looks back… beginning this week… as we mark a year since the first case of Coronavirus in Utah.
That was Marc Jorgensen….
—— Cut —
Fuss? His family was threatened on social media. After she was done with quarantine his wife was banned from the gym.
— Cut —
And now we DO understand what the panic was about. Anniversary gives us an opportunity to relive the nightmare… knowing all the things we didn’t know then… and it gives us the chance to see how far we’ve come.
And then we can focus on how far we’ll go. Will we go back to hugging? Will people work from work. By next month… we’ll all be looking forward to whatever’s next…. as we begin to write post-pandemic history.
Froot Loops Pizza
If you take I -80 straight to the east … and go 15 hours… you’ll arrive t=ao Des Moines, Iowa. you gotta make a right from the 2nd Aveoff-ramp… and a few blocks later… you’ll arrive at Fong’s. A storefront amid the 3 story brick buildings. And it’s the home of America’s newest Culinary abomination.
Well… let me pause here. If you were going to add breakfast cereal to a cheese pizza… which would you pick? Corn flakes for some crunch? Rice Krispies for some snap crackle pop?
Think about your favorite… as I inform you that Fong’s has lit up the internet in pure disgust… with the
with Fruit Loops Pizza.
It’s a 16-inch thin crust cheese pie… smothered in mozarella… and topped with a healthy handfdul…. unhealthy handful of fruit loops. Multicolored sugary circles …that leach dye into the mozarella… making this pizza something close to a steaming rainbow.
And before you consider what it tastes like … I have to let you know the fruit loops absorb the pizza grease…. so they’re actually wet warm and soggy.
So if your dinner tonight turns out a little disappointing… just remember… it could be worse.
For the privilege of eating this revolting combination of fruit loops mozarella and tomato sauce … Fong’s will charge you $20 a pie.
Coca Cola Diversity Training Rumor
Some Utahns are looking nervously at their diet cokes… wondering if they’re supposed to boycott the bubbly brown liquid that keeps them going.
What’s GOT them going is a social media rumor… that claims Coca Cola is instructing employees to “try and be less white”
It’s all because of a screenshot… is supposedly from Coca Cola Diversity training. But Coca Cola sayhs… wait a minute. That’s not us. What you’re seeing online is not from our diversity training.
The “try and be less white” lesson comes from a Linked-In video posted by the company that run Coke’s diversity progra That video explains that “try to be less white” means to be less arrogant… less defensive… more humble.
No matter how offensive you think”try to be less white” might be … Coke says… the offending slide making the rounds is *not* a part of the company’s diversity curriculum.
But if your in Coke's online diversity training… there are links you can click for more information … and you can end up making your way to that “try to be less white” screen. But Coca Cola employees are not “required” to “try and be less white.”
So is it okay to slurp a Diet Coke?
Having done my research, I would. Except I hate diet soda.
Word of Mouth Works!
Have you seen that AT&T Commercial… where the guy calls his mom to tell her about the deal?
So true. And proof that word of mouth works… comes fromNew York City… where people have been whispering about a fella who makes the best pizza in New York. But you can’t buy it. At any price. According to the word of mouth… this guy makes the pizza in his apartment with imported flour from italy. He leavens for 72 hours for the perfect crust and he tops it with fresh burrata cheese and organic produce. It costs him 25-bucks to make a pie … and legend has it he only makes three pies a week in his tiny kitchen.
The chef has a webpage where you put in your email address. When he makes a pie… he might contact you. And if he does… you have to trade… and give him fresh food. Donuts … cookies …whatever. No money. Here he is on the street like a drug dealer… trading one of his coveted pies with a woman who has homemade jam.
Yesterday… the NY Post outed 30-year old Gabriele Lamonoco ... as the creator of the best pizza in New York.
What began with Word of mouth is now an explosion of publicity and . Undoubtedly … somebody with deep pockets is going to back him …and Gabriele’s…. will open its doors … before you can say Grazie
Wanna go into Space?
Did the Mars Landing get you all excited about space again?
Well here’s your chance to go into space… thanks to a guy named Jared
Yeah. Jared Isaacman. He's a 37-year old tech billionaire… from Pennsylvaniawho paid Spacex to give him all the seats on one of their upcoming trip to orbit.
See there’s no pilot on this flight. Computers will do the work. Leaving room for Isaacman to buy four.
He bought four seats. Doesn’t say how much he paid. One seat’s for him. He’s the commander. One seat goes to a health care worker for free. One seat will be raffled off … with the proceeds going to St Jude’s Children’s Hospital. And the fourth seat can be yours if you’re lucky.
You go to this website. Inspiration4.com That’s the number 4. You can make a donation to St Jude’s. Every 10 dollars you donate counts as one ticket in the raffle. So you could spend 10-bucks… and get a 55-million dollar ticket to space.
While supporting a great cause. This is a win win. It’s hoped the raffle will raise up to 200-million dollars for St. Judes.
There’s gonna be a lottery for the third seat. Only for customers of Isaacman’s business==
Zoom: The Next Generation
I feel like my social life has been reduced to an episode of the Brady Bunch. Just me and a bunch o squares on Zoom.
Teams… Slack… Zoom … no matter the app… it’s all the same a two-dimensional checkerboard of human heads… sure… the heads change from meeting to meeting… but the awkwardness stays. Try singing happy birthday to a co-worker. We did….
That was not the Tabernacle choir in case you were confused. — that was bad —
Thankfully… the next generation of group meeting apps is in beta testing. There’s one called gather.town — instead of a tik tak toe board…. you’re in a house. You use the arrow keys to move around… and as you get closer to a person …they get louder and other voices fade. You can sit on a couch or at a table… and have a private one-on-one… while others do the same thing. It’s more like being at a party … than that sad …sad … birthday song I just played.
Point is… there’s hope. developers are working on a bunch of different meeting apps that do away with the checkerboard and make virtual life a little more engaging.
Or irf you’re a Brady Bunch fan… you can always stick with Zoom.
My brush with Donald Trump
I only recently remembered that I was once in a room with Donald Trump once. Yeah. 1990. I got tickets to a Mike Tyson fight… at the Trump Plaza hotel in Atlantic City.
All the beautiful people were ringside. Rap Stars… and Sports Heroes… and your host for the evening….
I was sitting in the last row of the place… way up there… barely able to see…. and there wasn’t much to see. Iron Mike punched some guy into orbit… first round knockout.
It was scary. The place went so crazy I thought there was gonna be a riot…. I mean.. some people paid hundreds of dollars a ticket… and the thing lasted two minutes. I thought they were mad that they didn’t get their money’s worth So I put on my coat… and headed for the exit… but things calmed down… everybody filed out of the arena… presumably headed to the casino floor to spend all their money.
But all that cash coming in … it still didn’t pay for the sparking chandeliers dripping from the ceilings at Trump Plaza… and the casino went bankrupt. And it changed hands. Back in 1990 that hotel was the glittering jewel of atlantic clity.
But it never made good money…. and this morning… The Trump Plaza hotel…. was blown upt. Controlled explosions collapsed the 37 story building …
All that’s left behind this afternoon… is a heap of rubble…. and memories of Donald Trump’s Jersey Shore heyday.
World's Oldest Musical Instrument
Archeologists have discovered what might be the oldest music instrument ever found.
Almost 100 years ago In an ancient cave in France… they unearthed a large seashell. Which has been sitting in a rather ho hum French museum ever since.
But archeologists recently took a closer look at this foot long shell… and discovered notches and punctures that could only serve to enhance the sound it makes when you purse your lips and blow into it like a trumpet player.
The best part. This prehistoric musical instrument still works. And courtesy of the NY Times… Here’s a recording of this 17,000 year old instrument from the Paleolithic era. This is musicologist Jean Michel Court… is playing the shell...
The oldest musical instrument ever. And all I can think about is the cave man who played it. Dude must have been a rock star. Could you imagine… prehistoric people hearing music for the first time. Undoubtedly this guy did concerts had cave-women groupies. And for the first time… as a KSL treat… I’ve used spectral audio analysis and state of the art multitrack regression to join both ends of the historical spectrum for an imaginary duet between this cave man…. and one of our legendary classic rock stars… John Lennon. Please enjoy.
You’re chuckling… but I suggest this prehistoric hornblower was every bit as popular as the Beatles. Just 17,000 years ahead of his time. And he For 17,000 years… he never tooted his own horn.
Pearl Milling Company
The name makes perfect sense. Casting about for a rebranding of Aunt Jemima pancakes… a slew of executives… a bevy of branding experts and an armada of analysts… held focus groups… saved spreadsheets … and a million powerpoints later… the an landed on the new name… Pearl Milling Company Syrap.
Like their pancakes… the name's a mouthful.
Pearl Milling Company. According to the newly minted legend… Pearl Milling Company was tthe Mill in St Joseph, Missouri. where self-rising pancake batter was first created.
Aunt Jemima’s portrait is gone from the box and bottle. Replaced by a quaint sketch of an old stone mill and waterwheel.
It’s supposed to make you think down home thoughts of earnest bakers… grinding the grist by the sweat of their brow. When actually Aunt Jemima is owned by Quaker Oats… which is owned by Pepsi. Which is a 192 billion dollar company.
On twitter today… pancake fans have come up with 192 billion reasons the name… stinks.
Pearl Milling. Sounds like a gravel mining company. Here’s a nother … sounds like something owned by a James Bond Villain. Boring and Forgettable. I’m switching to Mrs. Butterworth.
Somebody thought Pearl Milling was a good name. I hope that somebody checked… on the name because there are at least two African American women in America named… Pearl Milling.
Somewhere Mrs. Butterworth is laughing her cap off.
Did you know that foreigners think we’re nuts…. because we eat peanut butter?
They can’t fathom putting hydrogenated peanut paste in their mouths … Here’s a British woman trying it for the first time.
She takes a taste
o: could you.
Sure I could. It’s as Ameri
can than apple pie - by age 17... the average kid has eats 1500 peanut butter sandwiches
All American Peanut Butter was invented by the same guy who created corn flakes. John Harvey Kellogg… in 1895…. … it was food the beautiful people. Amelia Earhart and Henry Ford enjoyed it as a delicacy … then the little people followed along believe the ads that said 10 cents worth of peanuts pack six times the energy of a porterhouse steak.
Wasn’t true. But now Peanut Butter is so ubiquitous… this past spring… Yale researchers applied for a grant to use it as an early-warning covid test. Because it’s in almost every American kitchen. The test was simple. Open a jar. Smell it. If you can’t … you probably have Covid.
Theyyyyy didn’t get the grant.
But Peanut Butter can fix dings in your wooden furniture… hide scratches in leather … and remove bugs from your windshield… Smear it on let it sit a half hour and hose it off. Bugs are gone. but if you try it… you gotta use smooth. Crunchy’d be a disaster.
So hoist a pbj high in the air … it might look like a sandwich… but its what makes you …an American.
The Church in the Middle of America
In his Super Bowl Commercial… Bruce Springsteen asked America to meet in the middle. Metaphorically speaking the the middle of the country… there’s a church.
— Bruce —
I’d love to see the pews filled with millions of Americans… but there’s something from last month stuck in my mind… that keeps me from seeing all of America... meeting-up at a church.
Some people can’t get to the middle because of their apocolyptic fear of the other side. They were inside the capitol a month ago… shattering the unbreakable glass that protects our democracy.
But what’s stuck in my mind… is a New York Times article in the Fashion section of all places… from January 15th. Nine days after the capitol siege .. it’s still a raw wound. a reader asks… is it okay to wear camo… or will people think I’m sympathizing with the rioters?
The Times Fashion writer contemplates this and very seriously decides… it’s okay to wear the clothing that uses a bit of the camo pattern because it’s a classic style like polka dots… but you should avoid wearing camo fatigues…because it might be misinterpreted.
With Democracy shaken to its core… this is what some New Yorkers worry about … and I’m not quite sure how we all get to Bruce Springsteen’s middle.
Today… the nation is focused on what happened at the Capitol January 6th… and the former President’s role in the chaos … the riot… the siege… whatever you call it.
But a month later - it’s only been a month - I can’t stop thinking about an article I saw in the New York Times that graphically shows how different
Did you happen to catch the commercials for Paramount during the Super Bowl.
Paramount owns CBS these days… and the commercials feature all the stars
The Star Trek Characters… Beavis and Butthead… and the Survivor guy trudge through biting wind as they hike a snow-covered mountain.
The imagery is not lost… they’re hiking the mountain from the Paramount logo that you’ve been seeing your whole life.
Can you picture it? snowy peak… surrounded by white stars…
So let me ask you … does the mountain in the Paramount logo familiar? It should if you’ve ever driver I-15 north… through Ogden.
The man who designed the logo was William Wadsworth Hodkinson…who built one of the first movie theatres in Ogden in 1907. Then Salt Lake … then he went to the west coast… and when he needed a new logo for his Paramount Picture Company… he drew the peak he remembered from childhood in Pleasant View. The majestic… craggy 10k peak of Ben Lomond… which your staring straight at… when you’re driving north past ogden.
The Paramount logo is a loose representation of a local mountain and you probably never knew. Even though the logo’s been arround for 106 years… based on a Utah mountain ….that’s been around for a few more.
Robin Hood and the band of Merry Young Traders
Couple nights ago ... one my kids texted… and asked “should I buy Gamestop?”
Exactly like the old Wall St saying… when your plumber asks what stocks you’re buying… it’s time to sell.
You’ve been hearing about Gamestop. If you’re wondering what’s going on… think of it as the story of Robin Hood.
Young people clutching their stimulus checks … play the market. Buy Sell Buy Sell… and in this case … they locked onto a single crummy stock… Gamestop. A little videogame store in the mall. hyped it up on social media… til millions were buying. Wednesday… alone 24-billion dollars worth of Gamestop.
Robin Hood robbed from the rich to give to the poor. In this case… the rich are billionaire hedge funds that bet gamestop would tank. The billionaires lost their starched white collar shirts … and it so unnerved the markets… the Dow fell 600 points Wednesday.
Did I mention thesemerry young men with stimulus checks use an online brokerage called RobinHood.com Even they’ve had enough. Robin Hood shut down trading in Gamestop on Thursday. and the stock tanked.
These young traders probably don’t realize how the story of Robin Hood ends. With a bloody mess… with Robin Hood dead. So I told my kid… if you follow the hype and buy Gamestop… there might not be a happily ever after.
Budweiser Skips the Superbowl
I don’t drink beer. I do consume beer commercials. And I’ve noticed there were far far fewer of them on football games this season.
Of the ones that did air… Budweiser used the old trick of playing old quote-unquote “legendary” commercials from years past. It costs less to re-run an old commercial.
And now… Budweiser has announced it won’t run any Superbowl commercials for it’s signature beer. Kinda sad
Through the years…. Budweiser’s used the Super Bowl created pop culture catchphrases… and unforgettable branding. If you’re old enough… do you remember…
or frogs croaking the brand name.
and who can forget the Clydesdales.
But this year… Budweiser is getting even more attention by releasing a commercial that explains why they won’t be at the SuperBowl.
At the end … on a black screen… you’ll read that they’re spending the Super Bowl money on a year long vaccine awareness campaign. This commercial will be all over TV for the next two weeks… leading up to the Super Bowl.
The Photographer who shot the Bernie Sanders picture
You’ve probably never heard of Brendan Smialovski. He works very quietly. Oh so very quietly as a photojournalist… never stirring. never creating a commotion. Always just a heartbeat away from the action…
He took the famous photo of President Trump in front of the church holding a bible. And countless other shots seared into your brain…. over the last 20 years. . The last four presidents. War Zones. Brendan Smialovski has spend his life an arm’s legnth from history.
And so it was again…. last Wednesday. When the 40 year old award winning photographer passed through the security checkpoints… clambered onto the rickety photographer’s stand and set up his equipment to record history. The inauguration of Joe Biden.
It was cold… on that open platform 30 feet in the air… wind was biting as the hour approached. Smialovski took pictures of all the dignitaries greeting each other … his eye glued to the lens… but he’s a pro. While he looks through the lens ...e’s learned to scan aa crowd with the other eye.. and that’s how he saw Senator Bernie Sanders fidgeting. Legs crossed. mittens wiggling…
< snap >
And out of all the wars.. and inaugurations.. and famous moments… Brendan Smialovksi’s will now be most remembered… for the picture of an old man bundled against the cold. At the inauguration.
Dealing with Fear of Needles
I’m gonna hand in my man card and admit I get a little queasy around blood. Whenever they need a blood sample… I look the other way …and recite the 1969 New York Mets batting order. Tommy Agee… CF Wayne Garrett… 2nd base Cleon Jones left field.
I remembered this just to truck it out whenever I give blood. So I understand people who say they’re afraid of needles. A fear that could spell the difference between getting vaccinated… and getting covid.
If you’re afraid of getting a shot… if you get that cold sweat… if you feel lightheaded… or passout… it’s a recognized disorder. if you fear blood or injections it’s called trypanophobia. They say a quarter of all adults are afraid of needles. 7-percent of us will avoid the vaccine because of that fear.
We’re all pulling for herd immunity… so if you’re afraid of needles… short of visiting a shrink… experts tell CNN you could distract yourself… by counting your breaths… reciting the Mets batting order. And if that doesn’t work.. benadryl can calm you down somewhat. No prescription required.
But if you experience serious mortal fear of needles… you might need a shrink. They say it takes four to 10 sessions on the couch to cure trypanophobia.
But it CAN be cured. And it can be treated. That’s the point.
The Ferrari SUV
It’s no secret the car business is really the SUV business these days. Sedans have fallen far from favor in dealer showrooms. And you certainly don’t see a lot of hot new sportscars on I-15… You see pickups and more pickups and minivans… and late model SUV’s everywhere.
So it was inevitable ever since Porsche started selling the Cayenne. The car company synonymous with sexy curves… and speed … Ferrari…. is coming out with an SUV.
Save up folks. Next year… at some point … you’re gonna do a double-take when you see a fire engine red SUV woosh by in the passing lane…. and you’re gonna say “what was that?
But since you’re listening right now you’ll know it’s the Ferrari Model with the name that’s so hard to pronounce… that Motor1.com had to consult with it’s editor in Italy and recorded the pronunciation. You ready? IT’s the Ferrari
A translation… ( ) is the Italian word for thoroughbred. The ( ) should do 200 miles an hour… acceleration? All you need to know is It'll flatten the kids in the backseat… and send their sippy cups flying.
The sticker should be around $260,000. Only problem… when somebody asks “wow. What is this thing… you’d gonna sound like a jerk when say … oh .. it’s my new “ “
Sounds of the Inauguration
This inauguration had the biggest crowd ever. If you’re counting flags instead of people. 191-thousand flags fluttering in the breeze…. on the mall…. but the historic day began… with a goodbye.
Attention quickly shifted from the palms of florida to the seat of government… the nation’s capitol.
Famous voices rose in song. Lady Gaga…
There was Jennifer Lopez
There was a historic first.
And the moment…. prescribed by the constitution…
There was an appeal to heal…
And a presidential promise….
The formalities …punctuated by Garth Brooks… and a poem.
And thus ended a peaceful transition of power. Now the work begins.
Dr. King's speech
Why’s is Martin Luther King Jr’s I Had a Dream so important. Why has it become part of the American Liturgy.
Time.. Place… and words that echoed far beyond the loudspeakers.
Time 1963… The height of the push for Civil Rights. Place.More than 100,000 black Americans solemn and peaceful in their protest on the National Mall in Washington.
The Reverand takes us through American history first reminding everyone of the greatest speech in American history. Lincoln’s Gettysburg Address. as he uses lincoln’s rhetorical flourish.
Listen to the lyrical intensity… as he cites the declaration of independence decree that all men are created equal.
Describing the past… he points to the future… repeating the speech’es title as a chorus… as an exclamation point.
Proof of the strength of this speech … each January… for 57 years… it’s heard in classrooms… on TV…and leaves the listener to to weigh …whether King’s dream has come true.
You could say one good thing about the War of 1812. We know what year it happened. Other than that it was ugly. As British Troops fought their way toward washington President Madison and top officials evacuated to Maryland…sleeping at people’s homes…. the night the Brits burned down the White House… which wasn’t even called the White House yet. It was the Presidential mansion.
That same night... the Brits set fire to the Capitol. And it was the British. Wasn’t French people dressed in British swag. History has proven that sometimes… it is what it is.
For 206 years since the Brits sparked the fire … the Capitol Building has stood as the stone embodiment of national pride. Til a ragged mob cast aside the heavy wood doors… and their good judgement.
Because regardless of the dirty business of politics taking place under that rotunda… it’s the People’s building. It doesn’t belong to James Angeli… a Q-Anon leader photographed in the house chamber with a megaphone yestereay. Confirmed by his family it was him.
The Capitol doesn’t belong Nich Ochs…. the founder of the Proud Boys Hawaii Chapter…. who tweeted Hello from the capitol … as smoked a cigarette.
Nor Bigo Barnett… the leader of an Gravette, Arkansas Gun Rights Group… who put his feet up on Nancy Pelosi’s desk and stole her paperwork… and bragged about it.
These were not Trump supporters. These were Trump diehards … tried and true…breaching the US capitol…
Disproven social media posts say otherwise… but sometimes… it is what it is.
Patience People! The Vaccine is Coming
The complaints are off the charts. As the vaccine rollout kicks into 2nd gear… a lot of people are angry and frustrated. As they prepare to open things up to the elderly … we’re seeing complaints about crashing government websites… overloaded phone systems. Appointments confirmed and then unconfirmed.
I heard one complaint that at a vaccination drive through… can you believe they won’t have porta potties for the elderly?
Folks. This vaccine is an awe-inspring miracle of modern science. They’re creating 500-milion doses in the snap of the fingers… distribuing it via utra cold storage to the states… and stick it into people’s arms. This is a herculean undertaking. I gaurantee you that nobody involved in this effort has any experience at something like this.
And the complaints aren’t just in Utah. Similar sentiments are echoing across the country … because everybody who wants t he vaccine wants it right now….
A few days ago… Health and Human Services announced they’re releasing their reserves. The vials the vials are coming. But the Washington Post reports when they said we’re releasing the reserves…. there were no reserves. They were already depleted.
So the states aren’t going to get a flood of vaccine as they expected. Appointments might be cancelled… and we’ll hear more complaints.
This is a breathtaking vaccination program that’s beginning with one symptom you don’t associate with Covid.
So try to be patient. And for the meantime… stay safe.
The Newest Oreo Flavor
While we’re all hangin’ out on the couch binging on junk food… it’s time to salute America’s favorite cookie— which keeps finding new ways to excite the public about a treat that’s been hanging around kitchens for 108 years.
Of course… I’m talking about Oreos. In the past three years… Oreo has introduced the following limited edition flavors. Carrot Cake Oreas. Crispy Tiramisu Oreos. Jelly Donut, Mississippi Mud Pie and Key Lime Oreos.
There were Churro flavored Mystery Oreos… Waffle and Syrup Oreos.
None of them as good as the original of course.
And that’s the point. The new flavors spark new interest… and send people back to the store to buy plain ole oreos. The New York Times reports when the novelty flavors boost sales by 12-percent… traditional oreas go up 22 percent.
So they spentdup to two years researching,, choosing … and baking each of these new flavors.
But did you know they make special flavors for other countries? And you’re never gonna get to taste them? In China they sell hot chicken wing oreos. And wasabi oreos. But thats nothing.
To give you an idea how different taste buds work in China… a few weeks ago McDonalds briefly offered a Spam and Oreo Burger. Two slabs of spam with the sweet aftertaste of Oreos mixed in.
I have no idea if it goes well with fry sauce.
But here’s one that goes well with milk. The new oreo just hitting stores has three layers of creme. Brownie fl, original creme and cookie dough. Pressed between two delicious biscuits.
Hey. It’s better the spam.
Dippin Dots: The ice cream of the Future
My son Benj and I always laugh when we see dippin’ dots for sale. You know what their slogan is …right? Says it right on the cart. “The Ice Cream of the Future.”
For 30 years they’ve been the" ice cream of the future” And we ask each other… When does this future show up?
Well seems the answer is … 2021.
Because the Pfizer vaccine has to be stored at a temperature of minus 94. And it’s hard to find freezers that cold.
Dippin Dots… has them.
They have a subsidiary that makes ultra-cold freezers. The ones they make for other industries … can hit 122 below. Some of them are already used for vaccine storage. Dippin Dots also have expertise in distributing ice-cold products…. using dry ice and insulation to get those dots from here to there before they become itty bitty puddles.
And because of this expertise… and their freezer manufacturing operation … and the inquiries they’re getting about how to keep the vaccine cold… my son and I now have the answer to the age old question we’ve been pondering for a quarter century.
At Dippin Dots…. The future is now
Don't let moose lick car
Things can get a little strange…. up in Canada.
As you enter Jasper National Park… the digital road signs at flash a dire warning. Or is it a joke?
What would you think if you slipped past the entry booths at this huge park in western Alberta… quickly rolled up your windows to evade the near arctic cold… and saw a flashing sign that reads “Do not let moose lick your car.”
It sounds like its straight out of the script of Rocky and Bulwinkle.
To those under age 40 Rocky and bulwinkle were a Cold War cartoon that lampooned Russia… using a flying squirrel as a vehicle for America’s … oh forget it.
Anyway…. Canadians driving through this national park are warned. But why? Why can’t you let the moose lick your car? There’s no explanation unless you ask a park ranger…. who’d explain that your car is covered with roadsalt in winter And the mooses just love it to pieces…. and they’ll start hunting cars for the flavor… and it can get ugly and their serious. So don’t stop and give ‘em the chance to sample your metallic smogasbord.
And if we’re ever allowed back into Canadian National Parks again… be aware… the fine for letting a moose lick your car … is $19000.
Over the past 10 years… you probably heard about Forest Fenn.. an eccentric millionaire who buried treasure somewhere in the Western US… and he published clues. Oh, wait.
Before he died… Fenn wanted to get people off their couches. And along the way, treasure hunters scoured the Rockies searched, and surrendered …at least two people died… before the treasure was discovered last summer.
but as to WHO discovered it… that remained a mystery …until now.
Because of a court case over the treasure hunt… the person who found Forest Fenn’s booty… had to reveal himself… and he chose to do so to Outside magazine.
And it wasn’t a grizzled Indiana Jones type. If you can believe this… he’s a 32-year-old med student who used to write comedy for The Onion. Name is Jack Steuf…. who says he became obsessed with the treasure hunt in 2018… and found the mysterious box in Wyoming… but he won’t say where.
Inside… he found gold nuggets… coins … sapphires… diamonds and pre-Columbian artifacts worth .. eh… 2-million dollars.
Jack Steuf decided not to keep the treasure. He’ll auction it off… because he’s in med school. And has student loans to pay off.
Rescuing the Bookstore
It’s gotta be miserable running a bookstore… knowing that every day Amazon is going to beat his brains in.
Meet James Daunt the new CEO of Barnes and Noble.———————
Are you the type who likes to fan the pages and feel the wind. For those who complete a chapter and get sensory satisfaction from turning… flipping… or sliding the paper right to left. For those who dog ear, bookmark, and highlight literature… there’s the bookstore. The one with a lot of empty parking spaces out front… but James Daunt is aiming to change that.
Maybe you’ll notice his changes at Barnes and Noble. Little things.
Instead of Big tables chock full o books… they’ll put em on small tables. They gotta be round. Seems it sells more books. And they’ll display the books on the shelves so you can see the cover. Instead of standing upsideways
The biggest change… is the end of faceless people in New York deciding what books should be on the shelves of Utah. James Daunt has given store managers more control of inventory. So you might see more books about .. say… family activities… then about the dangers of the subway.
Which makes sense… but is it enough to save bookstores?
James Daunt is confident. He already rescued the biggest book chain in England… and now he’s hoping to save the Barnes and Noble…. with an amazingly simple philosophy. Cater to people who love fanning the pages and feeling the heft. people who love books.
Barnes and Noble
Bored out of our Minds: Grown Up Play-Doh
We’re all spending more time at home… and I think we’ve run through all the things to do.
We’ve blown through just about everything on Netflix and Disney+. I mean … c’mon. You’re so desperate you’ve probably even thought about watching something with subtitles.
I have. It’s not so bad. After a few minutes, you get used to it. But at the beginning … feels like reading an assignment
For hobbies, we've taken up pandemic pastimes like quilting, gardening, carpentry, cooking. And who knows what else… and heading into this winter… we’re all just about at the end of our rope…
And I think the people at Play-Doh know this. Because the folks who make the weirdly satisfying stuff you squish in your hands… are now selling grown-up Play-Doh.
It’s on amazon. You get 6 colors for 12 bucks. And they smell. The grown-up flavors… are Overpriced Latte Playdoh. Mom Jeans. Dad Sneakers. Grill King which smells like smoke Meat. Spa Day… which is floral. And Lord of the Lawn… Playdoh that smells like fresh-cut grass.
Seems like a great idea. But in the comments, people complain… you really can’t smell anything. This is so 2020. Even Playdoh… is disappointing.
I am Grateful that the negativity on Facebook has evaporated... overnight.
Gratitude at Thanksgiving time is an inspired idea. The amazing part we had to be reminded to show it, in these difficult times ...and since this is my social media I’m gonna I’d like to tell you what I’m grateful for.
I sit in front of a stick and I tell the stick what time it is. If you were in this studio with me it’d seem ludicrous. Why is the man telling that stick the temperature. It’s easy to forget in this little room that my foam covered stick is attached to a tower that adds 50,000 watts of power to my simple voice and it radiates for a hundred miles.
It’s both a privilege …and a responsibility…. hummbly accept every day…. knowing that my job… is to seek truth. And at some point in the course of each show, I’m going to make a complete idiot of myself.
And given that truth … I’'m grateful that for all my attitrubutes and failings. …. you’re willing to have me ride with you in the car… or invite me into your home.
So I’d like to offer my gratitude for you. You. The silent partner in our relationship. Thank you for giving me a sense of purpose… and every once in a while sharing a laugh here
And thank you … for making facebook bearable.
Flying Puppy Delivery!
This could be the most rewarding job in the world. And it didn’t even exist before the pandemic.
Back then… you wanted a dog … you went to the pound… met your new best friend and went home.
Nowadays… the shelter’s empty … those pups pop in for five minutes… and they’re snapped-up by families desperate for pandemic love.
So the next stop is KSL.com where puppy prices are have shot to the moon. We discovered two puppies on KSL.com Let me tell ya. I coulda bought a MacBook Pro … a couple of iphone 12’s and a Playstation 5… but instead we got Lola and Bean.
And since then… the prices gone higher… and you have to reserve a puppy yet to be born. Sometimes… yet to be conceived. If you could imagine spending 3-grand for a gleam in some breeder’s eye.
Which brings us to the new job title. Puppy Deliverer.
Families deseprate for Doodles …scour the entire country to secure the perfect pet. And when they find a furry bundle of love in a faraway city… they hire a puppy delivery service. A person who’s purpose in life is to shepard adorable sheepadoodles and labradoodles between cities.
Sue Murphy is one of these flight nannies. She’ll escort your little bundle of trouble from its city of birth… to Salt Lake City for $450. Plus the cost of the plane ticket.
And like Ole Saint Nick… she’ll soar through the sky this holiday season… delivering happiness.
Dolly Cures Covid
The ever-prolific Dolly Parton has a new album out this week. It’s called Holly Dolly Christmas. She’s 74 years old... she’s cranking out the music.
But that’s not what this Minute is about. This one’s about the hillbilly superstar with an endless string of hit songs… who cured the Coronavirus.
And I’m not kidding.
Dolly Parton cured Covid.
Back in April ,A surgeon from Vanderbilt University told his friend Dolly… we’re doing some interesting work searching for a Covid cure. So Way back in April while most of us were watching Tiger King… Dolly donated a million dollars to the Vanderbilt Institute for Infection & Immunology.
And wouldn’t you know… their research laid the groundwork for the vaccine that was just announced by Moderna. The one that’s supposed to be 95-percent effective. Dolly… donated an important
Back in the day… Dolly used to laugh that she looks like a trash-and-flash… town trollop. But as she continues to sing… and as she continues to do good works… Dolly Parton has just become America’s Covid Fairy Princess.
Merry Christmas Dolly. And thanks a million.
The Fresh Prince Re-Boot!
Times change. For instance. You don't your 90’s membership card til you know the lyrics to this….
But Times Change. Fresh Prince was a lighthearted sitcom. But with serious moments. Like when Will and Carlton got pulled over….
But mostly the show was as just as light as the theme song.
Times Change though. And now… the trailer has dropped for a Fresh Prince reboot. Wait …wait.
It’s not a comedy. In a year filled iwth protests and black lives matter...
This is a drama. Will gets caught with a gun…
and he moves in with his Aunt Viv and Uncle Phil in California.
The reboot on NBC’s Peacock is called Bel-Air. Its been guaranteed a two-season run. Will people watch… a serious show about the Fresh PRince
Will Smith is not in Bel-Air. But he is one of the producers.
Will it be a success? the trailer’s already been 7 million times.
The Great Whale Explosion of 1970
One of the greatest moment in the history of television news happened 50 years ago today. It’s the anniversary of the day a giant whale washed up on an Oregon beach.
A Portland TV station sent reporter Paul Linman …who bore witness …as… well… he can explain.
— cart 1
They put a half ton of dynamite under the whale. This did not go well….
Listen for the giant chunks of blubber raining down everywhere.
In 2020 we would have called this whale disposal effort a “fail.” But it led to some of the greatest tv reporting in history… 50 yeatrs ago today.
Weird Presidential Pets
Much is being made of the fact that animals will return to the White House in January.
I’m referring to the Biden family pets. A pair of German Shepards… Major .. and Champ while scamper across the White House lawn from time to time.
But they won’t be the first. When Woodrow Wilson was president… World War I was raging and he wanted to preserve human resources for the fight. So he brought in a flock of sheep to manage the White House lawn. The New York Times says that after two years… the sheep were sheared… and each state was given two pounds of wool to auction off for the Red Cross. It raised $50,000 for the Red Cross. But humans had to clean up the sheep droppings.
Calvin Coolidge had a raccoon. He used to put it on a leash and walk it after dinner.
Herbert Hoover used the raccoon pen as home for his pet oppossum.
President Eisenhower had a baby elephant named Dzimbo. Gift to him by an African leader.
The Kennedy’s had Macaroni the Pony.
While Washington is often called a swamp… but it might be more accurate to call it a Zoo.
Small Turkeys for Thanksgiving
Ever see video of a turkey waddling around a farmyard? Shuffling and gobbling and changing direction willy That’s exactly what turkey wholesalers are doing this Thanksgiving.
The decisions about this Thanksgiving were made months and months ago … When they were done shuffling and changing course about turkey production … in March, April, and May… they settled on the idea that Americans will have fewer people at the thanksgiving table… so we’ll produce smaller turkeys.
Tina Turkeys. Tom seems to be getting the year off. 8 pound birds dominate the grocer’s freezer. Most retailers have decreased their orders for big turkeys this year. But don’t you want a big bird?
Easy there fella. My wife made the clicklist order for an 18 pound turkey. Smiths substituted offering us an 8 pound bird. We’ll have to go hunting for our turkey. I mean at different grocery stores.
They say the turkey’s supposed to be one pound for every guest at the table. So really… we'd only need 8 pounds for our smaller gathering this yeart. But here’s where the grocery industry mighta messed up.
I. want. leftovers.
I want second thanksgiving on Friday. I want to nibble on the lingering shards of turkey out of a tupperware container along with the last smidge of stuffing… on Saturday … while I watch football. And on Sunday I want to shout to my wife “is this still good?
And it is good. Whatever ends up on our table… we’ll be thankful. Even if it’s TWO… 8 pound turkeys.
The Matriarch of Chinese Food
Ever order Kung Pao Chicken… or Moo Shoo Pork from the Chinese place up the street.
You can thank Cecelia Chang. Her family fled China during World War II… and in1961 … she opened a restaurant near Fisherman’s Wharf in San Francisco… It offered never-before tasted dishes… that her well-to-do family used to enjoy back in Beijing.
This wasn’t chop suey and chow mein. This was Chinese flavors and tastes that took the cuisine to the next level. Potstickers .. that’s her.
The restaurant languished… until it was discovered by a newspaper food critic… and suddenly she had lines outside the door. Cecilia Chang expanded to Beverly Hills… and versions of her Chinese dishes popped up in every city and town in America.
She offered cooking classes… at the restaurant… and her students included Julia Child. And into her 90’s… she continued to mentor the next generation of Chinese chefs.
Last week… Cecelia Chang died at the age of 100.
And even if you don’t like the food she brought to America… you’ll see a monument to her in downtown Salt Lake. Her son followed in her footsteps… and he is the Chang… in PF Changs.
Covid, Masks, and Freedom
This one’s for all the people who’ve been insisting the Coronavirus is just like the flu. I have seen your memes. And I understand you think the whole thing is a plot by the Democrats to get Biden elected.
From what I’ve read… the whole virus is gonna go away on November 4th. Democrats will stop talking about it once Biden’s elected. And we’re all gonna see the whole thing’s …basically… a hoax to take away our freedom.
Today… is November 5th.
Covid is worse than the flu. Utah’s major hospitals are already on Plan B for dealing with the rapidly growing number of Covid Patients in the ICU. 12,000 Utahns have tested positive in the past week. 12,000. You’ve notice I didn’t want to upset you… by calling them cases. According to your memes… you shouldn’t call them cases if they don’t get sick.
Okay. But each of those 12,000… whether symptomatic or not are carrying and shedding the virus. Along with everybody following the mom code, — yeah I know about that… refuse to get tested so the numbers don’t go up.
Well. They’re going up. It’s a sharp rise. Winter’s coming… and it’s time to let go of the idea that all the doctors and the next Governor have been building their resumes their entire lives… just so in the end they could trick you into putting a piece of cloth over your mouth.
If you don’t want to wear a mask because there’s a youtube video or that opinion piece from one doctor in the New England journal of medicine…. I’m going to ask you to do one thing.
I want you to go to google… and type the words “your freedom ends…” and see what pops up.
On this day after …. November 4th.
The Electoral Puzzle
Did you have this? When I was a little kid… I had this jigsaw puzzle.. of the US. The states were made of wood… and you’d build a map of America. It was hard… because states don’t have interlocking tabs like other jigsaw puzzles. It’d be great if a little chunk of Utah stuck out the side… so we could conveniently lock onto Colorado.
But I don’t think Utahn wants to lock onto Colorado. At all.
Colorado went for Biden. Nevada and Arizona are leaning that way. We do not click into place neatly with our neighbors.
But we’re not surrounded by Blue. Wyoming and Idaho rode the Trump train… and as I watch the TV folk play with their electronic maps…. I can’t stop thinking about the wooden puzzle with the brightly painted states in a hodge podge of colors.
As a kid … the problems with the map were simple. Square states gave no clue where they’d belong. Your little brother could easily swallow Rhode Island. But in the end… with a lot of practice… you could take states of all shapes and sizes… fit them together into only beautiful colorful country.
And it’s why I feel sorry for the winners of this election. They have to put the country back together.
As you start the job… the states are scattered all over the place skiddleewumpus. But any 8 year old knows… if you’re willing to do the hard work… the pieces all fit.
Election Day Hope
Maybe you’re brimming with anticipation, but chance are you’re filled with dread in these final hours before the election.
Some rich people are frantically emailing their accountants looking for shelters ahead of a Biden victory. Democrats expect to get run off the road by one of those flag-waving Trump Trains. And Republicans are braced for whatever comes next… but they’re guessing... it won’t be pleasant.
We’ve never faced an election like this in our lives. But the country has faced one. And all it took was one honest man to make things right.
1860. Rumors spread across the south that Lincoln was half black. Southern States refused to put him on the ballot. Assasination threats came daily. Southerners threatened to storm washington with troops/ Lincoln won with a mere 40 percent of the vote. Next… the South threatened to disrupt the electoral college.
Vice President John C Brekenridge of Kentucky - who’s family owned slaves… received all the official electoral votes. He coulda trashed them and said “sorry. Lost ‘em. My bad” And thrown the Republic into chaos.
But an honest man Breckinridge opened… and counted those electoral votes… and with that act…. we got what many say was our greatest president ever.
Grocery Stores are Ready for Winter
It’s gonna be different this winter.
The end of last winter… America’s food supply chain ruptured… and all of us were left scrambling for most notably toilet paper. But it’s easy to remember submitting your online order… and then only half the stuff you wanted - or less - would show up in your trunk.
The food industry saw this… and they say they’re ready for this winter. Should Covid gets worse during flu season… major producers are ready to crank out boxes of cherios… and goldfish crackers… and organic dairy products… in plentiful supply
Bloomberg reports while you were camping this summer… major food companies were adding production lines for dried pasta and canned soup…. and good thing. Because the stockpiling is beginning anew.
First half of this month demand for baking products spiked 3400% from a year earlier. But that’s nothing. After the lockdown… yeast and flour sales were up 6000 percent.
Grocery stores want to make sure the shelves don’t look like they’re bare. So stores will be stuffed to the gills… with extra inventory heading toward the holidays.
Clorox wipes are still a problem. The good news is… if demand for crazy… and the stockpiling resumes.. the food industry thinks this time… its ready.
Dodgers Score, Rona Spikes
It’d be nice if we could have one good thing happen without the virus getting in the way. But that’s how a insidious virus works… it slips its way into everything including the world series…
In baseball’s Texas bubble… the 32-year dodger drought finally came to an end last night.
— winning pitch
But it was afterward we learned why Dodgers captain Justin Turner was yanked out of the game.
Turner went into isolation under the stands but when his teammates celebrated… he ran out on the field for a team picture wearing a World Series Champions t-shirt. No social distance. He pulled down his mask for the picture.
It’d be nice if one good thing could happen without the virus. But 2020… and Los Angeles is bracing for more cases… after people flooded the streets… high fiving… hugging… and like their hero… pulling down their masks. Most not wearing ‘em at all.
Same thing when the Lakers won a few weeks ago. Cases spiked… and contact tracing was impossible. Who were you in contact with. About a dozen random guys I hugged on the street.
And get this. LeBron was on twitter last night…. begging for a Dodgers parade. But 2020. While champions love a parade. Viruses do too.
Finally, The End of the Election Drama
Chances are … you are bracing for Election Day. We’re all stiffening up as we wait for whatever happens November 3rd. And 4th. It feels like the weeks ahead will be a giant hurdle for the Republic.
But in Washington this may blow your mind. On the West side of the US Capitol… they’re already building the stage for inauguration day. lumber ..steel… and supports are now being hammered …screwed… and riveted into place.
When complete, the massive structure festooned in Red White and Blue… will hold 2600 people including dignitaries… the Chief Justice of the Supreme Court… and the next president of the United States.
Or …. not.
January 20th might bring us a subdued… limited attendance inauguration depending on what’s happening with the coronavirus. But we don’t know three months in advance… so build they must. The platform is constructed from scratch every four years…
117 tons of sand 110-thousand feet of lumber is being hammered. 1300 sheets of plywood are to be hidden by the patriotic bunting….. for an event that could be the *least* attended inauguration in American history.
But as questions swirl around the election…. we can take hope as this platform slowly rises… that in the end…. January 20th will come. And all of this drama we’re living… will be pushed from the front page… and into the history books.
The end is near.
Gentleman Seeking Boredom
You can find soothing boredom with The Great British Bakeoff
Maybe you need a break from the election… and the covid. Might I suggest… The Great British Bake-Off?
It’s on Netflix
The Grand-daddy of the cooking contests… is so pleasant… so pastoral… and so soothing … it’s like a warm glass of milk … sipped in a warm bath… in front of a crackling fire.
The formula is simple. Inside a giant tent on the lawn of a magnificent estate… Every day bakers .. are challenged to whip up dreamy confections... and impress the judges. With a scoop of sincerity and a dash of wit… the judges encourage and reassure with none of the snark you see on American cooking shows.
And you find yourself rooting for every one of the contestants succeed. During the rare spectacular failure…. when the muffins stick to the pan… or a layer cake topples over… the judges offer … hugs. Hugs!
By season’s end… one lucky confectioner is crowned as champion. But there’s no crown. There’s no cash prize. There’s no promise of a job. The best baker on the Great British Bake-Off…. wins a plate. Engraved with the show’s logo. That’s it. Bakers compete in pursuit of excellence in a contest that’s the cooking equivalent of a Bob Ross Painting.
And in the heat of this election campaign… the Bake-Off is all the excitement I can handle. 100 episodes could take you all the way to inauguration day.
Politics for the Rest of us
As we dive headfirst into this election… there’s one thing we all want
We want the rest of everybody to see things the way we see them. Now chances are … since you listen to this radio station regularly… you’re pretty dialed into the political process.
But a couple of political scientists from Stony Brook University with a long history of polling… say… that if you know all about Hunter Biden’s computer.. or Jared Kushner’s family getting bailed out by an Arab country…. you’re like a unicorn.
Yanna Krupnikov and John Ryan report that 15-20 percent of us follow the ins- and outs…. and we have a warped view of what the rest of America should consider important.
A Pew study found 10 percent of us… post almost all of the political content on Facebook and Twitter. The rest are posting pictures of their kids... and cats.
Here. These professors say before the pandemic they posed people a simple question. What are the most important problems facing the country. Gop political junkies said immigration. Democratic political groupies said “wealthy donors corrupting the process.” But the people of both parties who don’t follow politics… said one of the biggest problems is “low hourly wages.”
A bread-and-butter issue.
We might be all dialed in. But we’re not exactly tuned in … to what others are thinking.
So maybe… as we head toward this election… we shouldn’t be so confident we know all the asnwers.
Another "Great One" Retires
When you’re channel surfing… and pause for just a moment on prime time hockey .. you can’t help but hear the distinctive voice of Doc Emrick jumping out of the speakers.
But no more. At age 74… he’s announced that he’s hanging up his headphones.
For 47 years Doc Emrick’s voice has filled the airwaves like music.. …rising and falling with the heat of the action on the ice
I’m not that much a hockey fan… but I love great broadcasters… and even at the most gripping moments of any game… Emrick’s lyrical play calls … were always punctuated by beautiful and precise use of the English language.
In a single game… he once used 153 different verbs instead of he passed the puck. With Doc Emrick behind the mic… he dished it ..pushed it.. rifled … chopped curled and whacked it. Ladled it. The puck trickled… skittered … and careened and we’ll miss his perfection of craft.
I’d listen to him make a sandwich.. and he once obliged us….
Doc Emrick is a doc. he got a Doctorate in Broadcasting decades ago. His real name is Mike… and his real love is spending time at home with his wife and two pups…. which he’ll do in retirement. when he’s not watching hockey
Whether you believe in evolution or not… scientists say it’s happening right before our eyes.
A new study shows moire and more babies are being born without wisdom teeth. This - they say is evidence of rapid evolution. Over the past 250 years … not a million years.. just 250…. humans faces have gotten smaller. Not heads… just faces. Mouths have grown smaller… and we don’t need as many teetth… because we don’t have to work as hard to chew our processed food. So more and more we’re seeing babies born without any wisdom teeth.
All of this is happening since George Washington was fighting the revolutionary war.
At the same time… babies usually have a 3rd artery that goes down their arm… and into their hands… while they’re in the womb… and it disappears after birth. But lately… the third artery is staying around in more and more babies. And they get an increase of blood flow to the hands. Maybe the additional blood allows them to play GAMES ON their phones longer… and longer.
As our mouths grow smaller and smaller… and our teeth disappear. AWhat should take a hundred thousand years… has happened in 250… rapid microevolution. And there’s no indication we’re done with this. Couple hundred years from now your great great great great grandchildren might be just a head with a tiny mouth for inserting a straw…. with really nimble arms coming out of their ears.
You say heh heh… Jeff you’re funny. But consider this. The changes have already begun.
Head Nod Lady at the Trump Town Hall
Every once in a while … a person is thrust into the public eye… for being in the background. In 2016… it was this guy…
This is Ken Bone… at the 2016 Trump Clinton debate he became famous not for his question… but for being the chubby nerd in the red sweater. Four years later… I could tell you who he’s voting for… but nobody cares anymore. We’ve all moved on to the lady nodding her head in the background.
Last night during the Trump Town Hall… behind the president to his right… there was a woman in a white blouse… who nodded her head at everything the president said… like a bobblehead doll.
But this was not some rando in the background. Head nodding lady is Mayra Joli. She’s a former beauty queen… who ran for Congress two years ago. During the campaign she called herself Miami’s master of selfies. An her instagram is … out there. She’s a Trump supporter obviously. One who wears wild outfits… during the summer protests… Mayra wore pants made of nothing but Police Tape… and there wasn’t much of it. She was supporting in support of Blue lives matter.
President Trump met her after the debate… asked her where she’s from. The Dominican Republic.. was the answer but the woman famous for nodding her head told him…. I’m American. I’m an American. And told him she’s a supprter. .
But four years from now… you won’t care who she voted for.
Just ask Ken Bone.
Nobel Prize Winners. They're all the same.
Well this made me nostalgic. The first story I ever covered as a reporter… 40 years ago… a local guy won the Nobel Prize for Physics.
The News Director says… go cover his conference. Haha… and I’m sure nuff boss.
So Cub Reporter Jeff… I go to the event — first question for this Princeton Professor Val Fitch… Cub Reporter Jeff asks how’d you find out that you won?
he says I got a phone call at 4 in the morning.
that’s why I’m nostalgic. Other day they awareded the 2020 Nobel Prize for Physics. Stanford Professor Pasyul Milgrom woulda gotten that call. But the Nobel Committee in Sweden didn’t have his phone number. So his neighbor… who shared the prize… rang his doorbell 2:15 amt with the news….and it was caught on the winner’s doorbell camwera.
Same exact reaction as the guy 40 years ago. A monotonic “wow.” By the way… the discovery 40 years ago was something we take for granted today. Through a billion chalkboard scribblings straight out of a mad scientist movie… Val Fitch proved the Universe is Out of Whack. It’s unbalanced. Something 2020 proves to us every single day.
Our Greatest Fear
Please don’t be a coronavirus for Halloween. I see the costumes on Amazon. 30-bucks and you have a latex mask with the spiky nubs sticking out of your perfectly round rubber head. I get it… it’s trendy.
But if you show up at my door as a Virus … I’m gonna give you bleach. Instead of candy.
But the more important reason to avoid this costume is… that it doesn’t scare anybody.
There’s a new study that shows what people fear. A company called YourLocal Security sifted through all the google searches about phobias… to find out what people in each state are most afraid of. And I’m afraid the answers are pretty disturbing.
They range from the predictable. Montana fears clowns. In Missouri people fear being alone.
In Wyoming people fear flying. Florida… the biggest phobia is germs. So go be a coronavirus in Floirida.
Meantime Oregon is afraid of the dark. Ha haha… in Idaho… they fear people. That’s the most searched phobia.
But for a truly unique phobia…. all you have to do is look outside your door. In Utah…. the thing we fear most isn’t a clown. Or the Dark or a Virus.
In Utah… in the Beehive State…. our biggest fear…. is Failure.
John Landis Mason would be so proud right now.
Back in 1858… he invented… come on. This is Utah. I bet his invention is in your kitchen pantry right now.
OK...John Landis Mason came up with a rubber seal that rests on the top of a glass jar. A metal band screws loosely onto the jar… and you have the perfect system for canning your fruits and vegetables.
US Patent number 22,186
John Landis Mason invented… the Mason Jar.
And he’d be proud how popular it is right now. Remember all those panicky people who started big vegetable gardens for the first time last spring. All the folks who sprinkled seeds… after they grappled with chaos at the grocery store?
All those people spent August and September buying mason jars. And now there’s a shortage. Sales are up 600%… and those two part lids are getting hard to find. No matter what you do… don’t reuse old lids. You could end up with botulism.
Meantime the namesake of the Mason Jar.. … who also invented the screwtop salt shaker… John Landis Mason… died penniless. His patent expired… competitors swooped in and destroyed his business. He died in poverty in 1902
And his heart is preserved in a Mason Jar.
No… I made that last part up. It’s not.
But it is true. He died broke in a New York City poorhoouse dead broke… and today his family gets nothing from the jars that bare his name
A Nasal Vaccine!
We’re getting ever closer to a vaccine. Maybe it’ll be available to you and me in the spring… or fall… or next year.
It won’t stop coronavirus… but get the shot… and get the booster... and it should lessen the severity of the illlness…. should you happen to get the rona.
But a little more quietlhy … some pharmaceutical companies are working on vaccines that don’t get stuck in your arm. They go up your nose. Here’s how they’re administered.
You schnuff the mist right up your nose. And while these nasal vaccines probably won’t be first out of the gate… they could be the best for two reasons.
First of all… location matters. The coronavirus invades your body through the respiratory system. Introduce the vaccine right there where it all begins…. and the lining of lungs nose and throat will give you even stronger protection.
The other reason a vaccine up the nose is better? They don’t have to produce billions of needles. A you might not even need a health care worker to help you go////
—— snufff ——
In other words… a nasal vaccine could be given to more of the world’s population quicker.
And that’s nothing to sneeze at
Why is Utah hosting the debate?
I’ve been wondering *why* we’re hosting this vice presidential debate.
It’s creating tremendous inconvenience. Roads have been closed. The U is just about closed. They built 2- weeks of remote learning into the schedule to keep the campus safe for this event. Additionally all hands-on-deck for our tapped-out police officers.
So why do it?
Some local leaders say the event is a boom to the economy. Hundreds of people coming into town with wallets wide open. But it’s truncated guest list. Media outlets have pared down their traveling teams. So we’re not seeing a huge wave of people coming to town.
Some say it puts the word out there that Utah is open for business. It’s a boom for tourism. But think about it. During the last presidential debate… they said the word “cleveland” about 5 times. Did you ever once see video of Cleveland during the broadcast? We’re not gonna get that kind of attention.
I think the reason Utah is hosting the debate — and the only reason.. is because they offered us the debate. while other Universities have backed out of hosting these debates because of the Virus… Utah’s sense of civic responsibility kicked-in. the U said “of course we’re gonna host it.” They never blinked… and the student volunteers… the police officers … and the University will do their civic duty tonight… knowing fully well… that Utah will only be remembered for this event… if something goes wrong.
So they’ve worked hard to make it go right. Because that’s our civic responsibility.
The Real Hobbitville in Salt Lake City
My wife has been telling me for years about Hobbitville. A tiny neighborhood of little houses … where hobbits used to live on 13th -East in Salt Lake City.
She swears her teenage friends used to sneak into Hobbitville… and she got ge chased away by little people. It was a place where dwarfs lived… in these little houses.
Lo these many years later… Hobbitville… became Salt Lake City’s newest public park over the weekend.officially called Allen Park. After the late Dr. George Allen.
As I read about this mythic home for Hobbits… that you can now visit… I learn Dr. Allen bought the property in 1931 to house some of his exotic bird collection. Dr. Allen played a big part in creating the Tracy Aviary… and Hogel Zoo. There were no hobbits. There were never little people… that my wife swears… were there.
Actually.. an elephant lived there at one point.
But I understand the stories. When I was growing up there were five different places in NJ called Midgetville. And there are more of them around the country. Apparently…. in the 1930’s people were transfixed by little people because of the Munchkins in the newly released Wizard of Oz… and anyplace you found tiny houses… you found rumors.
And you found teenagers who swore they’ve seen the little people…
The Line of Succession is a squiggly line
There’s been a lot of talk today about the line of succession. If the President falls too ill to serve, the Vice President steps up, if he can’t… then the speaker of the house.
You’ve heard that. But it’s not so cut and dried. Succession is mentioned in the constitution, 3 constitional amendments the Presidential Succession Act…. and we know what’s supposed to happen.
But in the moment of crisis… things get weird. Like the day President Reagan was shot.
March 30th 198. The President spoke at a Washington Hotel… After the applause he walks outside to the limo….
He was shot… and it was soon after the White House claimed the President was awake and cracking jokes. He was not. His condition was dire. And in the chaotic hours that followed… the Secretary of State… Alexander Haig tried to reassure the nation with the wrong words.
Wait. What? I am in control. The entire nation wondered… who gave you the keys? Again… Haig was Secretary of State… elected by no one way way down in the line of succession. But in those critical hours…he *took* control… and it was never forgotten that when a President is incapacited … things can get very very messy…
The next debate: Some ideas
Okay… Samuel L Jackson to moderate the next debate. That’s one good idea. Another would be to use the off-switch on the candidate’s microphones. It’s a kindergarten approach… but I sat down last night to watch two men vying for the most powerful office in the world.
What I got was two old guys in a nursing home fighting over who’s kid is smarter. I am glad there were no refreshments. There woulda been a food fight.
Maybe… if they’re gonna behave like kids… treat ‘em like kids. When they talk outa turn…. Slime them. I’m talking green Nikolodeon slime.
It’s good enough for Katy Perry… why not Trump and Biden. Heck.. Nickolodeon even sent slime to the International Space Station.
Turns out A zero G slime means green wobbly balls floating quietly… and you duck out of the way.
But there’s no ducking responsibility for the fiasco last night. Pick your poison… the incumbent. The challenger. The moderator. Out of all three… none is apologetic. So if they’re not gonna rein it in next time and serve us… let’s serve them.
Imagine the one you’re not voting for with green slop oozing all over his business suit… as he tries to talk seriously about the future. Wait. If they were talking seriously about the future… I wouldn’t be suggesting that Nickelodeon... host the next debate.
The American Spirit
We’ve watched wildfires explode across the west and darken the skies above Utah. But when the choking smoke drifts away and the ash settles to the ground… the bare earth will be waiting for spring and the new chutes that will one day become mighty trees.
The destruction will never be forgotten. But better days are coming... exactly as we see in the business world. After the lockdown. Thousands of businesses have shut their doors for good. Restaurants and hotels and gyms.. have boarded up… employees cut loose. Plans for the future turned into scary question marks.
But amid the carnage… we’re now seeing the first green shoots of renewal.
The Census Bureau is reporting a staggering number of people have applied for employer identification numbers. It’s the first step one would take toward starting… a new business.
So far this year… entrepeneuers have applied for 3-point-2 million Employer ID’s. 3-point-2 million shoots about to break thru the dirt. The fastest rise in 13 years. If you only look at businesses that would employ people…. more than a million are getting ready to build doors… and open them.
This is not because of Presidents or Governors or debates…. or whatever that was on TV . This … is the indefatigueable American Spirit at work. Born of necessity. Born of a desire to rise-up from the economic ashes… entrepeneurs are will to take the risk fight the long odds. and some of them… just some… will break through the dirt.
If last night was America at its worst. These entrepeneurs hoping their crazy ideas will take root in the ashes of our economy… are America at its very best. To each of the 3-point-2 million who’ve applied for ID numbers.
Work hard. Work smart. And thank you… in a chaotic moment of this country’s history.for reminding us there’s an American spirit…. it’s strong. And it’s good.
Who are they debating for?
There’s a 97 percent chance the debate didn’t change your vote. Neither will the next two.
Most voters have had their minds made up for months… if not years…. and the debate did nothing to change that. But there is that sliver of the population. The latest polling indicates 3-percent of us… are actually saying… well on the one hand… Trump this… on the other hand Biden that… I just can’t make up my mind.
Among the 3-percent … undoubtedly you’ll find a few people who said “I dunno… who’s running?”
These are politely called “low information voters.”
But there are some people who are dialed into this race… and like one of the candidates *this* much more. Five percent of Trump supporters… and another 5 percent of Bidfen supporters say there’s a chance they’ll change their mind before they turn in a ballot .
While last night… this event might be like a sports event for you. Where you root for your favorite team. This debate was actually for them. The 13% of the us who still haven’t firmly made up their minds.
For the rest of us… it was just entertainment… so I hope you enjoyed the show.
Most Boring Debate Ever
As we close in on the Presidential debate… lemme tell you about the weirdest presidential debate …ever.
But before we go there… let’s take the time machine back to 1960. Nixon vs Kennedy. And as you learned in history class… Nixon was sweating… Kennedy looked young and handsome… and people loved him.
So impactful was that debate… for the next 16 years… Presidential candidates refused to debate. Til Ford and Carter took the stage in Philadelphia in 1976….
With the world watching and 7 minutes left in the debatye… this happened… and listen for the thump.
Dead quiet. The audio got cut. And while the technicians tried to figure out what broke…. the two candidates stood at their lectures… each of them fidgeting slightly … refusing to get off the stage and look weak. So there they stood like mannequins for 28 long minutes. It’s was AWKward… beyond words.
Then the sound came back. Jimmy Carter resumed the debate. and didn’t make a joke about it.
The most anticipated debate in a generation was as exciting as watching paint dry. We expect tonight might be a little different.
Outrage Part 2
The definition of outrage is “an extremely strong reaction of anger, shock, or indignation.”
It’s also apparently what everybody feels … every minute they spend on their phones. We’re outraged over this … outraged over that.
Here’s the latest outrage…
------ 99999—— Hey Siri… Where are the terrorists….
You ask Siri “where are the terrorists… and it responds with directions to the local police department. My first reaction was “some idiot at Apple who slipped that into the code is gonna get fired.”
But apparently everybody else is busy being outraged. I counted at least 50 headlines with the word outrage. But what outrage. Were people unable to sleep. Were they catatonic with extreme symptoms of shock? Did they march on apple headquarters. Do we hear primal screams rising up from homes everywhere.
Nah. People hit the tweet button to say… I’m outraged. TWEET. Then they go watch netflix. And that’s what passes for outrage these days.
Spare yours. Apple quickly fixed the idiot’s work... and apologized.
Don’t know if anybody got fired. But if they’re still employed.
I’m outraged… and tweet.
The fight over RBG's seat
Moments after we announced the death of RBG on Friday night… Boyd Matheson came on the air and suggested the proper way to honor her memory… would be to emulate her close friendship with Justice Antonin Scalia. A hard core conservative. Boyd said to commemorate her passing... “have a polite conversation with someone you disagree with.
A beatuiful sentiment. But a few minutes after that… Mitch McConnell talked about a replacement and it was off to the races.
o: a thirteen now
Republicans are salivating at the empty seat on the court. Democrats are warning of the price to pay… and it’s getting uglier by the minute. Fund raising was off the charts this weekend… as an IPSOS poll revealed 62 percent of Americans believe this seat is for the next President to handle. Half of all Republicans say leave it for the winner.
But half say full speed ahead… and the torpedoes could include the next President packing the court with liberals…. which infuriated democrats threaten they *might* do.
They’re playing chicken in Washington… but really it’s like a vicious cockfight. one side will win.. but there’s gonna be blood everywhere…. and that as a backdrop. I remind you to have a polite conversation with someone you disagree with.
You’ve heard of cancel culture …yes?
You say or do something considered offensive… and youre shunned on social media… and in the real world as if you don’t exist. Snap judgement go viral on social media… and that’s it. You’re cancelled.
But yesterday… Cancel Culture folded in on itself like a star turns into a black hole.
This is the Columbia University Marching Band. Let me correct myself … they don’t march. They kind a run around on the field and hang out at the 50 yard line.
Ivy League School in New York City. So you have 50 or so musicians slouching while powering their way through songs like… I think this is Livin on a Prayer. so hip and ironic… they are… that yesterday… the Columbia University Band canceled itself..
The band’s members admitted to a long history of sexual misconduct, assault, theft, racism and injury to the Columbia University Community. They voted to disbanded… their own marching band. … sorry. They don’t march. They cancelled themselves.
Among the offenses the cite. Using a native american war cry at a football game. Binge Drinking. Sexual Harrassment at band parties. So yesterday… the music died.
First of all… no great loss. I mean… listen.
Second… while New York is taking the band’s action very serious my suspicion is… it’s a prank. The Ivy League football season is cancelled. The band has no place to march. Or not march. So why not cancel ourselves and get some attention.
They got me talking about what might be the worst sounding marching band in America. Right …. they don’t march.
Does anybody root for Goliath? Nah… we’re all team david… unless the story involves a pesky, persistent housefly.
Goliath in this case… is a rumpled old man in Franch. If it helps you visualize the scene… he’s 80 years old. Annnd let’s say he’s wearing a beret.
The BBC reports he lives peacefully in the little village of Parcoo Shenoe.
You have a picture in your mind? Good.
All this man wanted was to eat dinner in peace. But no… the pesky housefly was… persistant. So the frustrated fedlerly french ellow tried to swat the miniature menace…. as it buzzed around his baguette… swat
missed. It flew into his fromage. swat
It crashed into his coq a vin. Swat.
This fly refused to say au revoir.
So who are you rooting for? David? Or grizzled old Goliath. Hmm?
So this elderly French fellow man who survived the German occupation for goodness sakes… decided to pull out the heavy munitions over the weekend. An electronic fly swatter. Ever see one of these things? It’s like a little tennis racket… but with an electronic charge. Touch it you get a mild shock. Touch a fly… and he’s grounded for good. Instantly. $25 for one of these things.
So Grizzled ole French Goliath hits the on off button … it sparks… but there’s a gas leak in the house… and kaboom.
Blows the roof off the house. Destroyed his kitchen. The poor guy burned his hand .…but he’s alive. And hungry. He never got to eat the dinner. His dinner. His table. His kitchen. His house is gone
And the fly ?… he’s fine. He flew away to search for his next creme brulee.
I’m guessing that you were rooting for Goliath.
But David… wins again.
Where do I buy a Jetpack
So the pilot’s getting ready to land in Los Angeles… he’s about to line-up the runway looks to his left… and sees this guy in midair… standing up straight… nothing beneath him.
I love how the control tower is so cooll. If the pilot had said….
The guy in the tower woulda said….
But There was no teradactyl … but two different commercial pilots did see this guy with the jetpack.
So what’s the deal? Can you buy a jetpack?
First of all… this strap-on jetpack isn’t a jet. Technically it’s a rocket… and the fuel is usually high concentration hydrogen peroxide. You can not buy it in the drug store. In fact … nobody makes it anymore. You have to make it yourself… what could go wrong.
Nothing yet. Nobody’s ever been killed flying a jetpack. But There’s one company on earth that has a working model Jetpack Aviation of California claims their product can fly you to 15-thousand feet in altitutde.
Before you imagine a world where you commute to work by jetpack… hold on. The backpack only has 10 minutes worth of fuel. So you can’t get that high or that far. It takes three weeks of lessons to fly the thing… it’d cost you $150,0000 but it doesn’t matter. They don’t sell it. To anyone.
They’re figuring the guy up there Sunday… playing catch me if you can…. probably built the jetpack in his garage and he’s a nut. Going for a spin in the middle of the flight path…. at the busiest airport in the west.
As that pilot put it… Only in LA.
And as I put it. What could go wrong?
Microsoft Flight Simulator
Have you heard about this new version of Microsoft Flight Simulator? The gaming world is going insane over the jaw-dropping realism. It just unbelievable. If you’re not familiar. If you’re not familiar… in Microsoft Flight Simulator. You’re a pilot. You fly a plane. That’s it.
But even pilots admit the realism is jaw dropping. If you started the game right now… you could fly out of salt lake city… the weather would be exactly like it is outside right now… you could buzz your own house in a 747… or a little Cessna.
But big deal.
If you truly want a realistic flying experience… I suggest you wait for a new app called Airplane Mode that comes out this fall for PC and Mac
In this realistic game… you’re a passenger on a six hour flight from New York to Reykjavik, Iceland. The goal is to survive rude passengers… lousy wifi… while you sit through six long hours… playing online crossword puzzles… watching the clouds drift past …. or the safety video over and over … it even simulates crying babies…. and the agony of a landing delay. The goal is to go the distance. Keeping playing six hours til you land in Rejavick.
The publisher of Airplane mode… says other flight simulators give you high-definition cockpits with billions of switches and dials… but airplane mode gives you a realistically rendered seatback tray table…. and all the real world annoyances that come with air travel.
The only good thing about this game? When you play on your home computer…. You don’t have to wear a mask.
You hear all the headlines about frantic research for a covid vaccine. Have you said to yourself…. I gotta get in on that action. Make a little folding money as a guinea pig.
Well… here’s how it works… if you want to be a part of a covid vaccine trial.
They’re looking for participants right now in 10 different cities. The closest are Vegas… and San Diego. You answer some questions…as they look for healthy people of all ages… both sexes. All nationalities. They’ll probably give you a checkup… and if you pass muster… you get a shot. The vaccine.
Might work. Might not. Might cause side effects. Might not. If fact… you might feel pretty punk… for about 24-48 hours after you get the shot..
The vaccines don’t have any coronavirus in them… so it won’t give you covid.
You write down any symptoms or side affects and three weeks later… you go back for a booster shot.
After that… you let them know about any symptoms or side effects. Every 3 months you go back to get blood drawn. You’re not supposed to try and get covid. No licking people in quarantine.
Oh … the money. Think you’re gonna get rich? Nah. You get about 50-bucks per doctor visit. By the time you’re done with the 2 year trial… you might get a thousand bucks.
Finger Lickin Good
The other day we learned KFC is dropping the slogan you’ve been hearing your entire life. The one you know by heart.
- Reba -
Reba McIntire’s turn as the Colonel. Finger Lickin doesn’t sound sound so magnificent in the middle of a pandemic… after all .. you’re supposed to avoid touching your hands to your face. So the Colonel… whoever he is… won’t say it.
In case of spectacularly bad timing… KFC debuted a choreographed commercial of nothing but people licking their fingers… set to classical music. They didn’t even have to say a word in the spot.
The unforgettable tagline has been around for 64 years. Here’s the real Colonel. Harlan Sanders… back in 1969.
You know the real colonel.. wasn’t a Colonel. He was a gas station attendant… an insurance salesman… and a guy figured out how to make good chicken in a pressure fryer. His first Kentucky Fried Chicken restaurant was on South State Street in Murray. It’s still there… the dining room’s closed because of Covid. Drive thru’s open though.
Back when he only had a roadside stand in Kentucky ...The Governor gave him the Honorary Title of Colonel …because of his contributions to the state’s cuisine. Colonel Sanders never served in the military
And now younger folk ask if the Colonel was a real person… and wonder if he’s still alive. . Yes he’s real. No he’s not alive. he died in 1980. A man who rose up from nothing. He lived hand to mouth. Then life got finger lickin good… but he sold the entire chain for chicken feed. He got 2-million bucks. These days KFC is worth a bucket full of money. 8-and-a-half-5 billion. Whether you lick your fingers… or not.
The VP Race behind the scenes
Joe Biden knew who he wanted all along. There were concerns about Kamala Harris within the Biden Campaign. That younger… left-leaning Democrats might reject her… because she was a prosecutor.
One of Biden’s most trusted allies… Senator Christopher Dodd… reportedly said that Harris is too ambitious… and might throw the boss under the bus to burnish her own chances for 2024.
Women in the campaign went ballistic. Complaining that men are applauded for being ambitious… but women have to play by a different set of rules.
But Biden …who met with 11 women for the job… knew who he wanted all along.
The one the Trump campaign didn’t want. Yesterday he said… Axios is reporting… they were hungering for Communist Karen bass… or Spyin Susan Rice. Figures easily branded with Trump nicknames that would stick. The President is trying out Phoney Kamala Harris. He’s already called her nasty. He’ll make his case over the next 82 days.
And 56 days from now… the Vice Presidential candidates will be here in Salt Lake …at the U.. for a socially distant de
Live Sports Secrets
Even if baseball bores you… I’m sure you’ve checked out a game or two just to see what it’s like… and you noticed the cardboard cutouts in the stands.
The price tag to have your likeness leering at the pitcher from the front row varies from ballpark to ballpark. A cutout at Dodgers Stadium costs 300-dollars. Phillies Fans fork over a mere $25 to be seen on TV.
Some lifelong fans honor loved ones… by putting a cardboard cutout of dear old dad behind the plate … long past HIS 9th inning. and there he’ll sit… never sipping a drink… never shelling a peanut… his expression frozen fthrough 54 outs
You’re listening to fake crowd noise pumped through the loudspeakers at a Mets game. You can decide if it’s authentic.
NBA games in the bubble … that’s a whole ‘nother story. You’ve seen the video walls filled with live fans gazing upon the game from home. Reacting in real time? There are 320 virtual seats per game. To get on that wall.. you gotta be a season ticket holder for one of the teams on the court… and you have to sign a 3-page waiver….promising youl’ll avoid profanity.
You login to the NBA’s content command center… and you see a zoom window of all your fellow fans attending the game…. and the game itself.
If you look closely… sometimes celebrities are up on that wall. Rapper Lil Wayne showed up from his couch for a Lakers Game. Shaq was in the virtual stands for Bucks versus Heat. Players Wives and kids get virtual tickets.
When you watch a game… fake crowd noise is piped in… it’s pretty good.
That is the NBA2k video game. You thought it was real. That’s the point.
And this is real.
So a Jazz game has actual Utah fans in those video stands. So next time you watch the Jazz take a close look at the wall. There might be somebody you know up there!
Utah's Pandemic Hobbies
Americans have been searching for new ways to spend time alone.
Verizon sifted through the Google Data to find out which hobbies and interests have been most popular in each state.
People in Alabama searched for DIY classes… Hawaiins are most interested in Foreign Languages. Baking is big in Montana… but here in Utah… the thing we wanted to know about most … was Photography.
Which makes sense. We have more kids. More Mountains. Red Rocks. Spellbinding scenery. Now I left radio worked in the photography industry for a decade. And while some people are content to wiggle their phone at an interesting scene… and good enough… others need the Nikon Z7… thousands of dollars worth of lenses… the carbon fiber tripod… and 20-grand later… they do the same thing as the ones with the iphones. Snap …snap …snap… snap …they never put the camera down.
So Utahns who love photography… as someone who’s been in the industry… I’m going to give you a piece of advice that you won’t get in any online classes. I learned this face-to-face with a legendary photographer on a visit to Australia. He took me to a World War I memorial… and when I started snap snap snap … he pushed my camera down… and said… take a Neurochrome.
He said a neurochrome Neuro. Use your brain… to remember this scene. Look with your eyes.. not your lens. The problem with us photographers… is that we never stop to look… and remember. The way normal people do.
So newfounds photographers of utah… before you buy that next piece of gear… my advice… simple advice. Put camera down. And enjoy the world… before you try to capture it.
Relax, no one is banning Tikok
Over the weekend… Tik Tok was hanging by a thread. President Trump stood ready to shut it down…because of the possible security risk. Kids were posting farewell videos.
At this point… it looks like Microsoft will buy Tik Tok… and turn it into a red blooded All American app… and thank goodness.
If Tik Tok went away… where would our kids go to learn about the hashtag eye bleach challenge. Exactly what it sounds like. You put bleach in your eye.
If they shut down Tik Tok.. how would the hashtag fire challenge spread like wildfire. That’s the one where you douse yourself in flammable liquid …and yeah. You got it.
If Tik Tok was shut down .. our youth might never discover the hashtag … Penny Challenge. That’s the one where you plug a phone charger into the wall. And then slip a penny between the outlet and the charger. You get fireworks… scorch the wall and risk electrocution.
If Tik Tok was banned. I’m not seeing a downside. Nobody’s coming up with a vaccine or curing cancer on Tik Tok. But truth is… if it was banned… somebody’d come up with a replacement app.
Cuz you can’t cure stupid.
If George Washington tried to make a flag today
When George washington needed a flag… he showed his design to a seamstress… and she cut out the stars… sewed the stripes… you know the result.
If George Washington needed a flag today he google "custom flags” and a minute later his Facebook feed would be absolutely littered. with flag ads. Cheap flags… Sturdy fl gs… Rainbow Flags. Flags that wave batteries not included. He’d see flags featuring coiled snakes… black stripes…. or stars and bars… but nothing that was exactly right.
So next Ole George would jump on Etsy… where he’d find a custom seamstress ready to turn your art into a hand stitched flag. Didn’t matter that the woman who owned the Etsy Ross storefront had a string of husbands and a sordid affair or two that might have muddied her reputation on Twitter.
Didn’t matter. General Washington needed a flag to rally his militia …. so he'd whip out his Colonial Express card and upload his custom stars and stripes design. Happily paying the extra $30 for rush shipping. And after Fedex delivered the long cardboard tube… he’d he unfurled the flag in all its glory… and salute. Of course the next day an email popped up asking him to rate the transaction.
And as we know from the history books… George Washington gave his flag…. 13 stars.
In the comments he’d write I’d give this purchase 50 stars… if I could.
And the flag that’s been burned.. spat upon kneeled before… and flown over Iwo Jima… Gettysburgh … Berlin… and tomorrow ...your front lawn…… has earned… its 50 stars.
We do drive by birthdays these days. Happy Birthday America.
Cirque du Soleil goes Belly-Up
Cirque du Soleil has filed for bankruptcy. A circus that ditched the tired concept of elephants on their hindlegs… and instead… reimagined the circus. We gaped at elaborate costumes and elegant theatrics performed by nimble gymnasts flying, twisting and splashing.
Along the way… Cirque du Soleil… reinvented the price tag for a circus ticket. Under the bigtop in a shopping center parking lot you’d part with a couple of bucks to see a guy in sequeins wiggle along a tightrope. But when you take the circus to Vegas and add next level thrills… the tickets are $275…. until the pandemic.
Every Cirque performance cancelled for months. 3500 workers jobless. Workers who give everything for their jobs… a few times… their lives. There are no safety nets.
With Chapter 11… New investors will pare back the number of shows… and eventually hire back some of their performers…
But for the rest… what kind of work is out there for a jobless contortionist who’s only skill is dancing with a chainsaw …atop a flagpole?
The future looks bleak… for the very performers who’ve reinvented the circus. Cirque du Soleil was so original … they even invented their own language.
The exotic soundtracks at their shows…. its a made up language… they could bring this ishkabibble to any country and it would seem equally exotic.
For 22 years … the “O” must go on. But now. The curtain has fallen ..and the only safety net at Cirque du Soleil … is bankruptcy protection.
Don’t blow that Whistle Ref!
Sports are supposed to come back by the end of the month. No fans… but athletes will sweat for our amusement.. starting July 24th for baseball. July 30th for the Jazz.
Almost forgotten in the rush to return… is the ref.
What happens to the in-your-face fits coaches throw at refs? a 6 foot socially distant freak out won’t be the same - nor as effective. And another thing that might not be the same… is the ref’s whistle.
Think about it. A dude blowing hard into a whistle in the middle of a pandemic. What could go wrong?
Which is why… a lot of refs are looking at electronic whistles. Hand held electronic whistles the ref blows… by pressing a button. Some hockey leagues are moving to the e-whistle. But there’s no decision from the professional leagues… amid concerns about how loud or soft the whistles are. For football… do they work in the rain and snow? And the biggest concern by refs…. is the biggest embarrassment a ref can suffer. The inadvertant whistle. Oops sorry… didn’t mean it.
A slight wiggle of the finger and you stop play by accident. It’s too much to consider. But the particles unleashed by a whistle blast… might be the bigger concern this season.
Okay time’s up!
That’s electronic. Works just fine.
The perfume that smells like SPACE
There’s been a lot of attention in the past few days about a new fragrance that simulates the smell of outerspace.
If you haven’t heard about this let me catch you up. A chemist has launched a kickstarter campaign to market a perfume for men? women? I don’t know. It simulates the smell of space.
The product is called Eau de Space. Created for NASA a decade ago so astronauts in training could acclimate to the smell… before they slip the surly bonds of earth.
But space shouldn’t smell like anything… Cause it’s an endless void.. except its not.
Greg Chamitoff … speaking from the International Space Station.
This kid knows what it is. He has a youtube channel… so he’s an expert.
Astronaut Chris Hadfield…
Burnt steak and walnuts. With an occasional wisp of dirty clothes. So who’d want to wear this fragrance. Nobody.. we’re not supposed to be able to smell each other these days. The creator envisions Eau De Space as a learning tool for K-12 science classes.
By the way… this song is Astronaut Chris Hadfield… who performed it while aboard the internetional space station
He’d be the coolest guy on earth. But he’s not on earth. He’s was up there. Where it smells. And the kickstarter to bring the smell to your nose… has now raised $40,000.